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Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

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Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#71

Post by GeneralMaximus »

Mgreen wrote: post #46
kurumban wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

poda pulle nayinte mone. The sick orthodox views of the people of Kerala is debilitating to the modern man. One is expected to stay celibate till the age pf marriage which tends to be around age 25. Suppression of hormonal urges has a crippling effect on the mind. College life in Kerala is the worst all over India. Apart from the impossibility to have sex thanks to the conservative views of the mallu girls, there's a…

I was just trying to explain how 'arranged marriages' work in my family and that the success rate of the system is pretty good in my experience. Sex at college is a different aspect. Its true that the social setup doesn't encourage sex while you are at college. But i think the reason is not just an 'orthodox view' of Keralaites. Males mostly stay with parents until they finish college(&& get a job) and are fully depe…

I know a few guys who have a lot of sex in college - all of them are already making more money than one usually makes working for one of those so-called tech giants (HCL, Wipro, blah).

Earning potential = sex. No, seriously.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#72

Post by yummyfajitas »

kurumban wrote: post #40
Mgreen wrote: post #22

I live in the South Indian state of Kerala. Here 'arranged marriage' means parents and relatives get a chance to background-check the future partner before you do. So for a girl, this means your parents check on the boy's character , his earning potential , the way his parents made money and other related aspects. If parents are happy, a meeting is arranged.If the girl and boy likes to go forward with a relationship,…

poda pulle nayinte mone. The sick orthodox views of the people of Kerala is debilitating to the modern man. One is expected to stay celibate till the age pf marriage which tends to be around age 25. Suppression of hormonal urges has a crippling effect on the mind. College life in Kerala is the worst all over India. Apart from the impossibility to have sex thanks to the conservative views of the mallu girls, there's a…

Mallu girls have sex. Just not with you. That's a testament to their good taste.

Helpful hint: presenting an attitude of "I hate you but want to sleep with you cause I'm so horny" is not a winning strategy. I've had better success with Kerala girls than you (and I'm not Indian), so I'm pretty sure your problem is attitude.

(Maybe I'm taking the comment a little personally. My gf is from Kochi, cut me some slack. )

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#73

Post by yummyfajitas »

blizkreeg wrote: post #17

I don't quite understand this attitude I've often found here of people to dissect, "try to understand", and take a swipe at what's wrong about other cultures, point out how some attributes of other cultures are so deviant and then take a higher stand, a higher ground on those issues. Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspec…

Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspects about it.

I think that's nonsense.

Non-controversial statement: Humans manage to use the power of reason to understand all sorts of things which are far outside our own experience such as quantum mechanics, the dynamics of stars, high dimensional geometry, neural networks, etc.

Regardless of all that, a different human experience is beyond the reach of reason?

(Note: not defending the article, just criticizing the idea that only club insiders can understand a club.)

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#74

Post by HeyLaughingBoy »

markessien wrote: post #56
ahoyhere wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're joking, right? The logical flaw in that question isn't poking you in the eyeball as you type? Whenever a society is permissive of divorce, the divorce rate rises. When a society strongly disapproves of divorce (or makes it legally tough), well, that's another matter. There's a high correlation between societies with arranged marriage traditions and a disapproval of divorce. (A->B not necessarily B->A.)

You're right, but at the same time you are not directly addressing the question: Societies where marriages are based of 'love' have a very high divorce rate. Divorce in America or Europe is not easy, it's a long and expensive process. But there is still a 50% or so divorce rate. What the question really boils down to is this: Are people happier in general in societies with predominantly arranged marriages or in socie…

A 50% failure rate is not acceptable.

Based on whose criteria?

In any case, what you see as a "failure rate" I see as a correction. Defining every marriage that ends before death as a "failure" is a statement full of personal bias.

Does the person who after a year of marriage discovers that the institution isn't for him fail because he gets divorced? Has the wife who gets divorced because her husband beats her nightly failed in some way?

Applying engineering terms and analysis techniques to human relationships is a horse that's lost before he even got out of the gate. We're people, not robots!

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#75

Post by yters »

falsestprophet wrote: post #33
plinkplonk wrote: post #19

A more sensible interpretation is that marriage and courtship rituals ("courtship" extended to include "casual" relationships) have a heavy culture specific component to them. I had a Canadian manager (tall handsome intelligent guy) who tried applying his knowledge of how "dating" worked when he was posted to Bangalore for a year and "struck out" all the time until one day, at a party, he got drunk and asked me "Dude…

Please share the rules you are talking about. I think a lot of us Westerners would be interested to read about this foreign world.

If you have money, the rules for getting laid are pretty much the same worldwide.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#76

Post by whacked_new »

markessien wrote: post #56
ahoyhere wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're joking, right? The logical flaw in that question isn't poking you in the eyeball as you type? Whenever a society is permissive of divorce, the divorce rate rises. When a society strongly disapproves of divorce (or makes it legally tough), well, that's another matter. There's a high correlation between societies with arranged marriage traditions and a disapproval of divorce. (A->B not necessarily B->A.)

You're right, but at the same time you are not directly addressing the question: Societies where marriages are based of 'love' have a very high divorce rate. Divorce in America or Europe is not easy, it's a long and expensive process. But there is still a 50% or so divorce rate. What the question really boils down to is this: Are people happier in general in societies with predominantly arranged marriages or in socie…

It's funny that none of the replies here seriously address the issue of happiness in arranged vs. non-arranged marriage face-on. I'm inclined to believe that there is an inherent bias against arranged marriage to begin with and so certain angles of reasoning are simply not considered.

I will say, very frankly, that I believe arranged marriages have the ability to make marriages, on average, more happy. Before any of the free-choice fanatics decry this, here is why that does not work here: happiness is purely perception. If you change the parameters of the environment, the equation for happiness does not remain the same, as in, more freedom does NOT imply more happiness as many people would like to believe.

If you are starving, anything edible tastes good. If you are a slave since birth, any reward is enjoyable. If you are resigned to an arranged marriage, you are less aware of the pains of opportunity costs, therefore it is very plausible that you try to make the best of the marriage.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#77

Post by yters »

muon wrote: post #28
randomwalker wrote: post #11

Or, maybe, here's a radical thought--the next time one of these men meets someone he likes, he could ask her out. The whole arranged marriage nonsense is a blight on the Indian community. Needless to say, it often leads to loveless marriages; further, the fact that you're making life decisions based on scant information results in bizarre situations like the consultant in the article who can't find a wife because the…

Arranged marriages takes anywhere from two to six months to materialize and now, it has become customary for the both the parties to meet and asses each other. When it comes to arranged marriage, people don't rely on scant information, they have a network of people to cross verify all the cited credentials.

That seems much more reliable than the modern, Western one on one method.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#80

Post by menloparkbum »

whacked_new wrote: post #79

Anybody have more stories to share about this? I am wondering how difficult a problem this is. Most of the Indians I have met in the US are all extremely competent with very good looks to match; this article was very surprising.

It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a guy's looks or competence. In an arranged marriage the practical factors take precedence. Marrying a guy who is supposed to support you and your future family, but only makes $80K-$100K a year in the Bay Area simply isn't very practical.
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