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Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

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31–40 of 91 posts

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#31
post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspects about it. A true statement, but not necessarily relevant. For instance, I cannot understand Aztec culture, because I have not experienced it. I condemn it nonetheless.

Your condemnation does not really have any place in the scheme of things, history, or a bearing on that culture for that matter. I'm not trying to be harsh here. I hope you understand my fundamental point. A culture is a culture, it's a consequence of history, time, and innumerable subtle things and relationships. Just as the American culture is, many aspects of which people outside America condemn. But it doesn't ma…

> Outsiders attempting to generalize, analyze, dissect, and fix things about cultures they barely understand more often than not cause historical and irreversible damage.

Maybe it can also cause progress? For instance, the condemnation of Apartheid by the western world probably helped end it.

(I don't mean to say arranged marriage is the same as Apartheid, obviously.)

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#32
post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your condemnation does not really have any place in the scheme of things, history, or a bearing on that culture for that matter. I'm not trying to be harsh here. I hope you understand my fundamental point. A culture is a culture, it's a consequence of history, time, and innumerable subtle things and relationships. Just as the American culture is, many aspects of which people outside America condemn. But it doesn't ma…

> Outsiders attempting to generalize, analyze, dissect, and fix things about cultures they barely understand more often than not cause historical and irreversible damage. Maybe it can also cause progress? For instance, the condemnation of Apartheid by the western world probably helped end it. (I don't mean to say arranged marriage is the same as Apartheid, obviously.)

The concept and system of arranged marriages is not something that needs fixing. It has evolved and will continue to evolve to adapt to changing conditions and attitudes among the youth and parents in India. A marriage is much larger than whether it was arranged or born out of (fleeting/puppy/divine/heavenly) love.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#33

A more sensible interpretation is that marriage and courtship rituals ("courtship" extended to include "casual" relationships) have a heavy culture specific component to them. I had a Canadian manager (tall handsome intelligent guy) who tried applying his knowledge of how "dating" worked when he was posted to Bangalore for a year and "struck out" all the time until one day, at a party, he got drunk and asked me "Dude…

Please share the rules you are talking about. I think a lot of us Westerners would be interested to read about this foreign world.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#34
post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Outsiders attempting to generalize, analyze, dissect, and fix things about cultures they barely understand more often than not cause historical and irreversible damage. Maybe it can also cause progress? For instance, the condemnation of Apartheid by the western world probably helped end it. (I don't mean to say arranged marriage is the same as Apartheid, obviously.)

The concept and system of arranged marriages is not something that needs fixing. It has evolved and will continue to evolve to adapt to changing conditions and attitudes among the youth and parents in India. A marriage is much larger than whether it was arranged or born out of (fleeting/puppy/divine/heavenly) love.

The concept and system of _Apartheid_ is not something that needs fixing. It has evolved and will continue to evolve to adapt to changing conditions and attitudes.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#35
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The concept and system of arranged marriages is not something that needs fixing. It has evolved and will continue to evolve to adapt to changing conditions and attitudes among the youth and parents in India. A marriage is much larger than whether it was arranged or born out of (fleeting/puppy/divine/heavenly) love.

The concept and system of _Apartheid_ is not something that needs fixing. It has evolved and will continue to evolve to adapt to changing conditions and attitudes.

Well, obviously I didn't mean that Apartheid was a concept or system. And you know that.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#36
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The concept and system of _Apartheid_ is not something that needs fixing. It has evolved and will continue to evolve to adapt to changing conditions and attitudes.

Well, obviously I didn't mean that Apartheid was a concept or system. And you know that.

My point is that your argument validly defends Apartheid. It is a standard (if somewhat impolite) rhetorical technique to parrot your opponent's arguments in a way that makes them seem obviously flawed.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#37

A more sensible interpretation is that marriage and courtship rituals ("courtship" extended to include "casual" relationships) have a heavy culture specific component to them. I had a Canadian manager (tall handsome intelligent guy) who tried applying his knowledge of how "dating" worked when he was posted to Bangalore for a year and "struck out" all the time until one day, at a party, he got drunk and asked me "Dude…

Please share the rules you are talking about. I think a lot of us Westerners would be interested to read about this foreign world.

"Please share the rules you are talking about."

When I have the time I'll probably write it up as a blog post (or a series of posts! 20 minutes of conversation is a lot of writing!) and submit the link here.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#38
If I have learned one thing about arranged marriages from my close-knit extended family of 100+, it is that no two arranged marriages are same.

The ONE element that almost all arranged marriages I've seen do have in common is SOME strong referral or existing friendship between the two families. In that sense, they work a lot like VC referrals:)

The type of arranged marriage most common to my larger family is a love marriage. Oxymoron you say? Well, not really. What happens is the girl and guy meet(usually at school) and gradually word starts spreading. When the news makes its way to the parents, if the parents know the other family and approve of it, you are usually good to go. The "love marriage" is smoothly converted into an "arranged marriage". All my uncles(and my father) got married through this route.

I guess I am just not sure of how common the stereotype arranged marriage where a dude is forcefully dumped on a girl is. Notice all the negative connotation that is assumed by the stereotype.

All the while I have a few aunts who got married without having seen the guy until wedding day. This was may be 30 years ago. They are all still married and pretty happy. Lastly, with 50+ couples in my extended family in last 40 years, there have been fewer than five divorces(credit to Geni for handy stats).

So does this process seem weird? Hell yes. Could it result in happy marriages? Seems like it, at least for one family.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#39
post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Partially a cultural thing, too. Americans don't do "servants", for certain values of "servant". Similarly, if you come to Japan and try to explain babysitting, you get looks of total horror. "Yes, I think its perfectly normal to talk to a mother I know, get the name of a 13 year old girl who lives in the neighborhood, pay her $20 so that I can have an evening out with my wife, and entrust my home and infant child to…

"if you come to Japan and try to explain babysitting, you get looks of total horror." My (Indian) mother was horrified when an American woman told her she(the American) was paid by her daughter to babysit her grand kids. The idea of turning baby sitting grandchildren into a "commercial transaction" was a horrifying thought to her. just another example of "different folks, different strokes".

it is

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#40
post #22

I live in the South Indian state of Kerala. Here 'arranged marriage' means parents and relatives get a chance to background-check the future partner before you do. So for a girl, this means your parents check on the boy's character , his earning potential , the way his parents made money and other related aspects. If parents are happy, a meeting is arranged.If the girl and boy likes to go forward with a relationship,…

poda pulle nayinte mone. The sick orthodox views of the people of Kerala is debilitating to the modern man. One is expected to stay celibate till the age pf marriage which tends to be around age 25. Suppression of hormonal urges has a crippling effect on the mind. College life in Kerala is the worst all over India. Apart from the impossibility to have sex thanks to the conservative views of the mallu girls, there's also a phenomenon called ragging which makes life even worse. I for one hate Kerala and call it the Devil's own country.To MGreen, you need some introspection; the culuture of Kerala is one that I despise beyond all. patti chetteh kazhidhe thendi
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