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Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

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Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#21

Post by blizkreeg »

DannoHung wrote: post #5

India has some weird cultural aspects that I do not find appealing personally. I had an Indian friend on a H1-B who talked a lot about getting a wife that cooked and cleaned and stuff and I always asked him, "Why not just hire a maid? Probably be cheaper." He could never come up with a good response. I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm. I've got another few friends who are…

Your comments are really quite naive and dumb. I'm an Indian and I don't expect you to even find these aspects appealing. Hell, even I don't find them appealing. But your language "I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm" is derogatory. Please refrain from such attacking comments. Many educated and progressive Indians are aware of these aspects and attitudes are changing. But it's a culture, a very ancient one at that, and deep-rooted aspects about cultures don't change overnight, simply by flicking a few switches on and off.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#22

Post by Mgreen »

I live in the South Indian state of Kerala. Here 'arranged marriage' means parents and relatives get a chance to background-check the future partner before you do. So for a girl, this means your parents check on the boy's character , his earning potential , the way his parents made money and other related aspects. If parents are happy, a meeting is arranged.If the girl and boy likes to go forward with a relationship, they can take time to know each other.If everything goes well, proceed to marriage.

In short, its like dating with the fittest. All marriages in my family happened this way, and we dont have even a single case of divorce in my family.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#23

Post by jibiki »

blizkreeg wrote: post #17

I don't quite understand this attitude I've often found here of people to dissect, "try to understand", and take a swipe at what's wrong about other cultures, point out how some attributes of other cultures are so deviant and then take a higher stand, a higher ground on those issues. Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspec…

> Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspects about it.

A true statement, but not necessarily relevant. For instance, I cannot understand Aztec culture, because I have not experienced it. I condemn it nonetheless.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#24

Post by param »

randomwalker wrote: post #11

Or, maybe, here's a radical thought--the next time one of these men meets someone he likes, he could ask her out. The whole arranged marriage nonsense is a blight on the Indian community. Needless to say, it often leads to loveless marriages; further, the fact that you're making life decisions based on scant information results in bizarre situations like the consultant in the article who can't find a wife because the…

I think you generalized a lot of things there. I personally am arranged married, and I couldn't be happier. I have a lot of friends who are in the same situation (even ones who are 10+ years into marriage). I also know people who married in 'love' that are not so happy today.

Additionally, arranged marriages need not be 'see someone for 10 mins and say yes or no'. There is a large variation in how the whole thing can potentially be set up. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage#Arguments_for... for a list of pros and cons that gives you both sides of the story.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#25

Post by petercooper »

deepakjois wrote: post #20
petercooper wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm. I don't know where you live but the "woman as homekeeper" thing is the norm in most Western societies too. Women have, of course, worked throughout history but, culturally, it's been more the norm so far that women have taken housemaker and child raising roles. My mom left her job when she met my father and she has never been employed si…

It is an interesting point you raise. It is perfectly acceptable to agree on roles and settle into them. But in this case, my guess is that these attitudes have more to do with holding onto a traditional belief in male-dominance than with any concerns for having different roles in marriage. And if I am guessing correct, such beliefs should not be encouraged and nor is it in the interest of any woman to seek out such…

Oh, totally. The issue, for me, is when society demands people act in a certain way. If my mom, my wife, or whoever, wants to be a house wife, I'm all for that. But if they wanted to be an artist, rock star, or whatever, no-one should stop them (well, except in my wife's case because she's tone deaf).

All that said, I don't see a problem in people specifying a "docile" housewife as a preference, no more than someone might want a "blonde" wife, a "nymphomaniac", or any such thing. Just because you prefer something doesn't mean you have the right to get it but nor does it mean you're "wrong" for having that preference as long as you don't force it on anyone else.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#26

Post by petercooper »

blizkreeg wrote: post #17

I don't quite understand this attitude I've often found here of people to dissect, "try to understand", and take a swipe at what's wrong about other cultures, point out how some attributes of other cultures are so deviant and then take a higher stand, a higher ground on those issues. Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspec…

I agree. This discussion reminds me of that guy on HN the other day who was generalizing all women to be Sex In The City watching, sex mad hussies.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#27

Post by blizkreeg »

jibiki wrote: post #23
blizkreeg wrote: post #17

I don't quite understand this attitude I've often found here of people to dissect, "try to understand", and take a swipe at what's wrong about other cultures, point out how some attributes of other cultures are so deviant and then take a higher stand, a higher ground on those issues. Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspec…

> Frankly, if you haven't been born and/or brought up in a certain culture, you simply will not be able to understand some peculiar aspects about it. A true statement, but not necessarily relevant. For instance, I cannot understand Aztec culture, because I have not experienced it. I condemn it nonetheless.

Your condemnation does not really have any place in the scheme of things, history, or a bearing on that culture for that matter. I'm not trying to be harsh here. I hope you understand my fundamental point. A culture is a culture, it's a consequence of history, time, and innumerable subtle things and relationships. Just as the American culture is, many aspects of which people outside America condemn. But it doesn't matter.

Outsiders attempting to generalize, analyze, dissect, and fix things about cultures they barely understand more often than not cause historical and irreversible damage.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#28

Post by muon »

randomwalker wrote: post #11

Or, maybe, here's a radical thought--the next time one of these men meets someone he likes, he could ask her out. The whole arranged marriage nonsense is a blight on the Indian community. Needless to say, it often leads to loveless marriages; further, the fact that you're making life decisions based on scant information results in bizarre situations like the consultant in the article who can't find a wife because the…

Arranged marriages takes anywhere from two to six months to materialize and now, it has become customary for the both the parties to meet and asses each other.

When it comes to arranged marriage, people don't rely on scant information, they have a network of people to cross verify all the cited credentials.

Re: Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

#29

Post by plinkplonk »

patio11 wrote: post #8
mynameishere wrote: post #2

In contrast, in the U.S., "people have to even clean their own toilets," You know, I could easily afford to have someone clean my toilet. In fact, our receptionist offered to be my housekeeper, at good terms. But...I don't know...I just don't want 3rd parties involved in the matter. I guess it's my lower-middle class heritage thing.

Partially a cultural thing, too. Americans don't do "servants", for certain values of "servant". Similarly, if you come to Japan and try to explain babysitting, you get looks of total horror. "Yes, I think its perfectly normal to talk to a mother I know, get the name of a 13 year old girl who lives in the neighborhood, pay her $20 so that I can have an evening out with my wife, and entrust my home and infant child to…

"if you come to Japan and try to explain babysitting, you get looks of total horror."

My (Indian) mother was horrified when an American woman told her she(the American) was paid by her daughter to babysit her grand kids. The idea of turning baby sitting grandchildren into a "commercial transaction" was a horrifying thought to her.

just another example of "different folks, different strokes".

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