The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell • Hacker News Board

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#161

Post by chacham15 » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 6:31 AM UTC

jmtame wrote: post #158

chacham15 wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Frankly, the most valuable antidote to schlep blindness is probably ignorance. Most successful founders would probably say that if they'd known when they were starting their company about the obstacles they'd have to overcome, they might never have started it. -pg I know its considered a bit tacky to quote pg, but I am not as eloquent as he.

I've done multiple startups at this point, so I'm not as ignorant as you would suspect. Sometimes I wonder why I still do startups. I know exactly what I'm getting myself into, the only reason I'm willing to take it on is because I felt the pain from the end of my last relationship, followed by the pain of trying online dating. It's something I genuinely want to solve, and I know that it won't be easy. "User growth"…

Thats the attitude, I wish you the best of luck!

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#162

Post by jmtame » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 6:46 AM UTC

malandrew wrote: post #44

You're completely right, people are lazy, but online dating is also way more work than it has to be. Women receive so many messages that it becomes overwhelming and too much work and men try sending earnest messages for a little while and then concede that it's basically a numbers game. These two phenomena are self-reinforcing. The more messages women receive, the less likely they are to respond. The more messages a…

Wow. I'm going to e-mail you this weekend. You've really thought about this stuff, and I think you've got some great ideas. Would love to chat with you some more.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#163

Post by return0 » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 7:00 AM UTC

JulianMorrison wrote: post #128

This is the core problem of a dating site: 1. Forging connections between pairs of strangers where they will fall in love, 2. …under conditions of oppressive patriarchy. Number 1 is a pretty easy numbers game. for each person, a subset of people match them algorithmically. Another subset will be good matches. If your algorithm doesn't suck, some of the first set overlaps the second. Number 2 is the problem. If you ar…

Right there with you. Patriarchy is placing all the burden of romance, shame, tenderness and gift-giving to us men, while women can get away with commoditizing us like sausages, then raping us. Cruel, cruel world for princes.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#164

Post by Brushfire » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 8:06 AM UTC

Brian from OkCupid Labs here...

This post contains some really interesting and spot on insights. Some of the data doesn't line up with our (match + okcupid, etc) internal estimates/figures. For example, our estimates are closer to 50% of US have tried online dating, and 50% havent; significantly lower than that in other geographies. The idea of serendipity is definitely a real issue, and a frustrating one, because just the concept in people's minds and expectations alone prevents them from trying solutions that might work for them.

The simple fact is that, for most people finding work is just like anything else: it takes a little bit of attention and work to find the best person for you. That's not romantic, but its real.

I'm not sold that the solution is having your friends help you create a profile, introduce you to their friends, or attest for you. It seems like a lot of work for them, to be honest, with very limited returns. At the labs, our minds are focused on finding the future of dating in mobile, big data, leveraging social networks, and discovering how to create serendipitous connections through the above.

To the OP -- if you want to chat, hit me up; would love to chat. We're in SoMa.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#165

Post by burgreblast » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 8:45 AM UTC

dbecker wrote: post #14

I think this may be solving a legitimate problem, but I think you are incorrect that the source of the problem is hollywood. Online dating follows historically from personals classifieds. Personals ads contained very little information (in part because they had to be so short). This meant you were going on a date with someone you knew nothing about. It was worse than just a blind date... because you didn't even have…

> Online dating sucks, thanks Hollywood

Also, I can't figure out why the alleged Hollywood lie would only impact online dating. Wouldn't all forms of dating affected? Certainly the "fate" aspect of true love isn't exactly new--Rom coms didn't usher in wave of zero dating.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#166

Post by jacques_chester » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 8:51 AM UTC

btilly wrote: post #159

gonehome wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I don't think greeks are a good place to start because they probably don't need it, but I'd imagine other college kids would use it especially because they're busy with classes and other things. Definitely agree that college kids have more opportunities than new grads though to meet people. I think the matching idea (tinder/let's date) is a good one, but like you I noticed the problem seems to be that girls don'…

I think most dating websites are shitty for heterosexual men in their early to mid twenties. I think it is dating that is shitty for men in that range. They have a limited pool of women in an age range that most of them want to be involved with. Those women in turn have socially acceptable dating opportunities with men of a much wider age range, including many men with better financial means than most men in their ea…

It's common to blame it entirely on financial means.

I think older men also tend to know themselves better. After a few decades you've grown into your own personality; you have good enough friends that there's no mad hustle to be what other people want you to be.

So you're comfortable in your skin. And that shows.

I've had dates at the same sort of cafés I'd have gone to as a younger man, so it's not as though I'm using fancy French restaurants as a status signal. It's just that I know myself better and don't feel as much like I need to prove anything.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#167

Post by insickness » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:11 AM UTC

Brushfire wrote: post #164

Brian from OkCupid Labs here... This post contains some really interesting and spot on insights. Some of the data doesn't line up with our (match + okcupid, etc) internal estimates/figures. For example, our estimates are closer to 50% of US have tried online dating, and 50% havent; significantly lower than that in other geographies. The idea of serendipity is definitely a real issue, and a frustrating one, because ju…

Agreed. I liked the article until he got to the proposed solution. Part of why I like online dating is that my friends are NOT involved. I can take as many shots at finding someone I like without the problematic repercussions of complex social networks (both online and off) where every swing and a miss could come back to haunt me. Whenever you date a friend of a friend, there is always the possibility of fallout. OKCupid without a social network allows me to break free of the constraints of involving my friends. Making OKCupid social turns it back into a burden. Your "friends" online (most of who are not friends, but acquaintances by the way) will feel obliged to say nice things about you. No one will say the bad things which may be true. And your romantic prospects will know this. I like the idea of an online wingman, whom I could exchange tips with, but the idea of a group date? No way. If I'm not into a girl I make a quick exit on the date. No harm, no foul.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#168

Post by sstarr » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:32 AM UTC

There's a site similar to this in the UK called My Single Friend which you might be interested in looking at: http://www.mysinglefriend.com/

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#169

Post by insickness » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:50 AM UTC

JulianMorrison wrote: post #128

This is the core problem of a dating site: 1. Forging connections between pairs of strangers where they will fall in love, 2. …under conditions of oppressive patriarchy. Number 1 is a pretty easy numbers game. for each person, a subset of people match them algorithmically. Another subset will be good matches. If your algorithm doesn't suck, some of the first set overlaps the second. Number 2 is the problem. If you ar…

I would respond to your comment on a point-by-point basis, but your comment pretty much consisted of one word: patriarchy. If you'd like to make a point, then make a point. Let's hear a solution to the problem. As it stands, you are simply throwing around politically loaded buzz words.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#170

Post by [deleted] » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:53 AM UTC

ahh wrote: post #113

djcapelis wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So...90% of people, give or take, are straight. And a lot of those straight people may one day get involved with, have been involved with or may find themselves interested in someone who isn't straight. Many of whom are bi (or queer or whatever label) and most of whom do very very much care about being on a site that doesn't just serve straight people since they're open to dating both straight and non-straight folk…

> Assuming that online dating works magically well for gay/lesbian folks but doesn't for straight people seems like a really large leap to make and also seems really untrue from what I've heard Of course it isn't perfect for all of them, but it's a much less dysfunctional market than the straight one. Which means there's less of a business model in catering to gays and lesbians there (doubly true given that they're r…

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