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What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

theatlantic.com

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Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#81

Post by mnarayan01 »

jordan0day wrote: post #68
mnarayan01 wrote: post #64

I get the distinct impression that the writer views the lack of handyman skills as being effeminate (at least intuitively, perhaps not intellectually). I would, therefore, add a fourth class of customer to his list: people who are socially perceptive.

I'm not sure what you're basing that on? While the author indicates that he meets a lot of men who view a lack of handyman skills as not masculine , I don't see any indication that "not masculine" = "effeminate".

Edit: properly moved the original as a reply to abraininavat.

On the topic of your post: I was (more or less) using effeminate to mean "not masculine", with maybe some connotative meaning thrown in. This seems to be standard usage based upon my extensive perusal of the copious amounts of information available at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/effeminate

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#82

Post by mnarayan01 »

abraininavat wrote: post #67
mnarayan01 wrote: post #64

I get the distinct impression that the writer views the lack of handyman skills as being effeminate (at least intuitively, perhaps not intellectually). I would, therefore, add a fourth class of customer to his list: people who are socially perceptive.

What? You should read more closely closely. I looked specifically for that attitude while reading, and didn't find it. Our roles in the professional landscape have become highly specialized, and gender plays an ever-decreasing part in them. And yet, in our responsibilities at home, we often cling to the traditional notions of gender segregation and territoriality. As we make progress toward equity in the workplace an…

The opening details his father's expertise with all things home-repair related; his mother is mentioned (in an aside) as being able to use a saw and hammer.

Then you have the following (admittedly out of context):

> I looked on in horror as my foreman taunted my friend who seemed to be driving a nail for the first time in his life: "Aw, c'mon, sister! Why don't you just hit it with your purse?"

> Even if their own fathers were in the trades, my male clients, especially those who are younger than me, tend not to have worked alongside their dads, much less taken a shop class. They're more likely to have taken AP classes and played sports.

> While I must admit that part of me sometimes wants to say, "It's okay, little buddy, Daddy's here now,"

I should note: I do not think that he's arguing that lack of handyman skills is effeminate; as I said previously, he might not (probably does not?) believe this intellectually. The impression I get reading the article, however, is that he does believe it at an intellectual level. Obviously YMMV, etc.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#83

Post by nlawalker »

dankoss wrote: post #61

It's interesting that the DIY mentality doesn't extend to fixing or maintaining computers. I'm not sure if its a generational thing, or the fact that computers are becoming appliances, but it seems like less people are willing to try to fix computer problems on their own.

It's for the same reason that people like myself don't do home repairs on their own - because it can be really, really hard to tell what the right solution is without a lot of research and experience. Without that knowledge, it's impossible to know if I will have hosed something beyond repair if I try and fail.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#84

Post by polymatter »

X-Istence wrote: post #75
michaelbuddy wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pfft. A basic toolbox doesn't even get you halfway there. Here's why. Because the basic tools are not the keys to the kingdom. The way it works is this. You NEED to familiarize yourself with all the little connectors, fasteners, bolts screws and materials. Hundreds or thousands of them. Got a nice drill? Great. Guess what you better know what masonry bit is, and that you need to use a smaller bit than what you think,…

I was wondering, how old are you? At 24 years old I can answer most of the questions you asked, and I know exactly who to ask for advice on the one question I don't know the answer to. My dad taught me the basics of home building/improvements. I can drywall like the best of them, look for studs, hang stuff without issues, know what type of anchors to use. I've built many a desk from 2 by 4's and plywood, built shelve…

"My dad taught me the basics of home building/improvements" ... "My friends were always playing and working on their cars"

You're actually agreeing. You were taught and brought up in an environment where people learnt the skills then you can get by fine.

I certainly wasn't, and I have wasted much time, effort and money getting shoddy results which I'd then have to pay a tradesman to fix afterwards.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#85

Post by benevpayor »

Do you ever get the client that wants to learn how to do the improvements? My house is my largest investment. I don't want to screw it up with an amateur fix, but I would love to work side by side with an expert to learn how to do the more advanced stuff correctly.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#86

Post by scubaguy »

sliverstorm wrote: post #3
dizzystar wrote: post #2

I was a carpenter for the better part of my 20s. Definitely many stories like this that came up. The one that bothered me the most was how many times they looked at me silly for making a "bad" cut, when of course, I was making said cut because the area wasn't square. I had one guy get angry at me for making a frame that was visibly crooked, so I told him he should probably make it square and hang it up himself. When…

The rich folk seemed more willing to learn it, try it, and logic out the problem. The middle class folk ... usually weren't present and were more prone to complaining. Or, the middle class folks didn't have time to hang around, while rich folk don't always work 9-5.

In addition to a 9-5 job, some people also have to drive the kids around, shop for groceries at multiple places, and other things that more well off people can pay others to do.

When you make good money, you have the option to learn and try new things. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy you the luxury of not being accused of "not willing to learn, try, and logic out things".

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#88

Post by steven2012 »

Put me in the camp of someone who has no idea on how to do any sort of handyman jobs, and I'm in my 40s. In fact, 3 months ago I bought a dartboard, and only have a vague idea on how hang it. I'm guessing my wall is drywall (?) and I imagine I'm supposed to drill holes and put those plastic screw-condoms (no idea what the name is) in there that expand into the drywall. But the thing stopping me is 1) I don't know if those screw-condom things are strong enough to hold up my dartboard, which is rather heavy and 2) I have no idea if I will be drilling into electrical wires. This weekend I was going to roll up my sleeves and Youtube videos and probably post on reddit for some advice.

It's sad, but I don't dwell over it, and it's not really a source of insecurity because quite frankly, none of my friends know how to do it either, otherwise I would have asked their help for it.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#89

Post by mpyne »

jordan0day wrote: post #74
rayiner wrote: post #27

> Although I've worked for plenty of men who seem to be perfectly comfortable with the arrangement of using the money they earn with their own skills to pay for someone else's expertise, there are three reactions I've grown familiar with that suggest there's often anxiety about letting another guy do your "man jobs." I grew up here in the U.S., but I still find Westerners weird sometimes. My dad grew up in a village…

I think you're entirely correct -- in the US we still have a national mythos of "rugged individualism" and self-reliance. As others have pointed out in the thread, there really is a feeling of accomplishment that comes from doing something yourself, but we seem to have conflated that to mean you should do everything yourself.

> As others have pointed out in the thread, there really is a feeling of accomplishment that comes from doing something yourself, but we seem to have conflated that to mean you should do everything yourself.

Yes, and it's not just about building things.

I feel guilty every other day about how much house should be cleaner. I could probably hire someone to come out once a month, do a much better job than I could, more quickly, at a price I can actually afford.... and yet I feel it's my responsibility and that I would be somehow negligent if I were to do that. Different cultures, man...

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#90

Post by dpeck »

bluedino wrote: post #57
dpeck wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

" Stocking a basic toolbox is extraordinarily inexpensive, there's really no reason not to have one." This is great advice, anyone reading who doesn't have at least the basics please get them. I have a few friends who I help out on occasion and it is incredibly frustrating to not have the basic tools available. Decent screwdriver set Socket set Hammer Electrical Pliers Multimeter Pliers Adjustable Wrench Just these b…

> I have a few friends who I help out on occasion and it is incredibly frustrating to not have the basic tools available. A younger guy at work asked if he could borrow one of the screwdrivers I keep in my desk. I thought maybe he was going to pop open his computer, he said he was going to put a bed together. At his apartment. He didn't even own a screwdriver. C'mon. I sarcastically asked him, "You're a manly man, ar…

Not sure if thats better of worse than mine. This friend has some tools, but they're all terrible stuff that his parents and girlfriend have given him over the ways for Christmas and stuff. Screwdrivers where the handles turn on you, drill that is little more than a powered screwdriver, etc.

Last time I was at Frys I picked up a multimeter for him, told him it was a shame that he was an Electrical Engineer and didn't have one.

I just shake my head.

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