The Case for Getting Married Young • Hacker News Board

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#11

Post by simonsarris » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:18 PM UTC

Color me unconvinced of marriage per se.

Literally zero of the things in the author's marriage are necessarily attributable to the marriage itself, or necessarily consequences of marriage for that matter.

And never mind co-habitating, all of the transformative stuff could have happened regardless while simply living with an upbeat roommate.

"The case for living with or near positive people that share similar ideals" probably wouldn't get as many eyeballs, but it would be more to-the-point and true, I think.

Maybe I should write that article anyway. I've had roommates literally my entire life, sharing a room with my brother until college, then dorming with one guy, then seven people, then two guys, then three girls, and now that I've graduated I live in a huge victorian-era house and rent to three friends (my "rent" therefore is free, sans house upkeep). I've been fortunate enough to never have a bad roommate, and communal living can be a lot of fun, significant other or not.

I think living and working alongside loving and caring people is great, but I think restricting it to marriage is maybe a tad myopic. I love all micro-societies and think they have very similar values.

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#12

Post by kscaldef » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:19 PM UTC

"Unmarried twenty-somethings are more likely to be depressed, drink excessively, and report lower levels of satisfaction than their married counterparts"

Let's all say it together: Correlation is not causation.

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#13

Post by addlepate » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:19 PM UTC

kscaldef wrote: post #12

"Unmarried twenty-somethings are more likely to be depressed, drink excessively, and report lower levels of satisfaction than their married counterparts" Let's all say it together: Correlation is not causation.

Yeah, I'm not detecting much of an actual argument in this "argument".

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#14

Post by drcube » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:20 PM UTC

I got married at 18. I joined the Army, did two tours in Iraq, came back home, went to college and got a job as an engineer. I couldn't have done any of that without my wife.

I hesitate to generalize, but in my particular case getting married early was a great decision.

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#15

Post by jessriedel » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:24 PM UTC

alberich wrote: post #8

alexjeffrey wrote: post #2

as someone who got married at 21, I can honestly say it's the decision I'm most happy about in my life so far. However, we had been together for over 7 years by that point and I'd be very wary of advocating getting married young to everyone, as I know at least here in the UK there seem to be quite a few teenage/early-twenties couples who decide to get married after a few months to a year, and end up divorced 6 months…

> However, we had been together for over 7 years by that point Just for curiosity... did you start your relationship with 14 y/o? I guess playing video games was all I cared when I was this age :D

My parents' relationship did. :) It's something like 40 years they've been together.

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#16

Post by fusiongyro » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:25 PM UTC

simonsarris wrote: post #11

Color me unconvinced of marriage per se. Literally zero of the things in the author's marriage are necessarily attributable to the marriage itself, or necessarily consequences of marriage for that matter. And never mind co-habitating, all of the transformative stuff could have happened regardless while simply living with an upbeat roommate. "The case for living with or near positive people that share similar ideals"…

From the article: "...[A]mong the women that report being "highly satisfied" with their lives, 29 percent are cohabitating, 33 percent are single, and 47 percent are married."

That would seem to suggest that "upbeat roommates" are, on average, worse for women than singledom or marriage, no? Your personal experience notwithstanding, the statistics (at least for this claim) are on the side of the article.

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#17

Post by fusiongyro » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:26 PM UTC

purplelobster wrote: post #7

You don't have to be married to be in a committed relationship. A large percent of couples (> 30%) in Scandinavian countries for example never enter into a marriage, or people might marry 5, 6, 7, 8 years after they're first together. In that sense the marriage is a capstone, but there is no difference between that couple and a couple that got married right away and have been together for 8 years.

What's this, proof by Sweden? :) This odd collection of facts seems wholly disconnected from the content of the article.

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#18

Post by pbhjpbhj » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:27 PM UTC

purplelobster wrote: post #7

You don't have to be married to be in a committed relationship. A large percent of couples (> 30%) in Scandinavian countries for example never enter into a marriage, or people might marry 5, 6, 7, 8 years after they're first together. In that sense the marriage is a capstone, but there is no difference between that couple and a couple that got married right away and have been together for 8 years.

>there is no difference between that couple and a couple that got married right away and have been together for 8 years //

Anything to back up that assertion?

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#19

Post by danielweber » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:28 PM UTC

purplelobster wrote: post #7

You don't have to be married to be in a committed relationship. A large percent of couples (> 30%) in Scandinavian countries for example never enter into a marriage, or people might marry 5, 6, 7, 8 years after they're first together. In that sense the marriage is a capstone, but there is no difference between that couple and a couple that got married right away and have been together for 8 years.

Sociologists study the difference between cohabitation and marriage. Here's one paper that's recently been making the rounds among economists:

http://people.ku.edu/~dginther/working%20papers/Marriage_spe...

Re: The Case for Getting Married Young

#20

Post by perokreco » Thu, Mar 28, 2013, 9:28 PM UTC

fusiongyro wrote: post #16

simonsarris wrote: post #11

Color me unconvinced of marriage per se. Literally zero of the things in the author's marriage are necessarily attributable to the marriage itself, or necessarily consequences of marriage for that matter. And never mind co-habitating, all of the transformative stuff could have happened regardless while simply living with an upbeat roommate. "The case for living with or near positive people that share similar ideals"…

From the article: "...[A]mong the women that report being "highly satisfied" with their lives, 29 percent are cohabitating, 33 percent are single, and 47 percent are married." That would seem to suggest that "upbeat roommates" are, on average, worse for women than singledom or marriage, no? Your personal experience notwithstanding, the statistics (at least for this claim) are on the side of the article.

No it wouldn't. This statistic is highly misleading and the article author is basically lying by putting it in the article. If there are twice as many women who are married than there are those who are cohabitating then cohabitating is on average better than marriage.