I Need Help

#1

Post by turnwhere » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:16 PM UTC

I've been an avid reader here for some time. I created an account just now so that I can hopefully remain anonymous.

I'm just going to come out and say it. I need help, very badly. I'm close to ending my life. I don't want to appear dramatic, it’s simply the truth.

It may seem strange that I'm writing this here. But after everything I've seen, I think this is the right place.

In as few words as I can manage, this is who I am. I’ll soon be 30. I started creating digital products about 3 years ago and many companies now sell them. I make a good living from this. I am healthy. In pretty much all ways on paper, I should be happy. In fact, it makes me even more depressed to know there are many people who would be happy in my shoes. Yet I can't be.

I've struggled for over 15 years with depression and anxiety. I've been prescribed pills, had therapy and yet I feel almost as bad now as I did 10 years ago. When there's a tiny problem in my work I have an anxiety attack. When I think about my life I feel hopeless and sad. I have deep self-esteem problems. Lately I've been trying to be more positive, to see things differently (because I know everything is just a point of view, especially negativity), but I can't recondition myself.

This leads me to my conclusion. All my problems are mental. They are not my circumstances. I have to recondition myself or I am going to kill myself and hurt other people as a consequence.

And to recondition myself I know I need something other than therapy, antidepressants and positive quotes. I need to hack my way through this misery.

So I'm asking anyone out there, whether you know how it feels or not is not important, for any advice you have. I promise that if it seems reasonable, I will try it.

I'm sorry to post this here. I can't help feeling it's pathetic. But I'm desperate. If this is in the wrong place, or I shouldn't have posted it here, I won't be offended if it's deleted.

Re: I Need Help

#2

Post by rauar » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:32 PM UTC

Definitely _not_ the wrong place. Glad you do not give up and try to do something against your current situation.

You should seriously get professional help. From what I read you seem to have had a therapy in the past and it doesn't work anymore. Did you try any alternatives ?

I'm sure other commenters can recommend professional where you live.

Wish you the best.

PS: I'm everything else but someone with good advice but to me a combination of medical therapy and mental training seems to be an idea (so that you do not rely on only one thing to work out)

Update: due to what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph here is what I found please make use of it:

http://support.twitter.com/articles/20170000-suicidal-and-se...

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

Re: I Need Help

#3

Post by bw00d » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:43 PM UTC

http://www.newsytype.com/14561-magic-mushrooms-antidepressan...

http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml

Good luck

Re: I Need Help

#4

Post by chicagoblues » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:46 PM UTC

Have you tried the usual more exercise and herbal remedies like Kava Kava... you can also Pray to a higher power... taking one's life is the ultimate selfish act...

Re: I Need Help

#5

Post by kirpi » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:48 PM UTC

i would spent sometime in nature. no car, no crowd, no tv nothing but trees, animals, all natural sound. thats my dream.i know what i need.

Re: I Need Help

#6

Post by juskrey » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:48 PM UTC

This can sound strange at a first glance, but did you try to cut off carbs in your diet and go on ketogenic diet? Since carbs are strongly associated with epilepsy, Alzheimers and dementia, and ketogenic successfully treats many cases (just google epilepsy + ketogenic etc), in last years big questions arise about causation of other mental and neural disorders, including depression.

Re: I Need Help

#7

Post by simonster » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:55 PM UTC

bw00d wrote: post #3

http://www.newsytype.com/14561-magic-mushrooms-antidepressan... http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml Good luck

Please don't take magic mushrooms for depression without the guidance of a psychotherapist. It's as likely to make things worse as it is to make things better.

Re: I Need Help

#8

Post by rauar » Wed, Mar 20, 2013, 11:57 PM UTC

simonster wrote: post #7

bw00d wrote: post #3

http://www.newsytype.com/14561-magic-mushrooms-antidepressan... http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml Good luck

Please don't take magic mushrooms for depression without the guidance of a psychotherapist. It's as likely to make things worse as it is to make things better.

+1

Re: I Need Help

#9

Post by opendomain » Thu, Mar 21, 2013, 12:04 AM UTC

Call me Anytime 260-3FreeTV

Re: I Need Help

#10

Post by DanBC » Thu, Mar 21, 2013, 12:07 AM UTC

Consider therapy guided cognitive behaviour therapy; coupled with mindfulness. Find a good, experienced therapist. Make clear your expectations, and be confidant enough to walk away if it's not working. You've had an illness for a long time and have deeply learned behaviours. You need to unlearn some of those behaviours. You might not be able to fix everything in the 8 - 14 weeks that CBT takes, but you should get techniques that help you cope and that you can keep applying over time.

Consider talking to a doctor about medication. I have no medical training, I'm not going to advise on medication. But there are different types of medication. There are different types of anti-depressant, and there are anti-anxiety meds.

While you're doing that you might need to put in some work on building up resilience. This will include support networks of people to socialise with; education and work stuff; exercise; etc. It'll include getting your food sorted out, and your sleep hygiene.

Expect to put in a lot of work.

But good luck!