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Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

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Re: Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

#11

Post by jaymorg »

GotAnyMegadeth wrote: post #10

I find that if I get really into something really fast and spend loads of time doing it, I get sick of it fast. I've found that if I purposefully ramp into something slowly, and take breaks from it before I've had enough, then I don't get bored of it. I find this is particularly true with music; I have a rule that I never listen to the same song more than once a day, unless I'm showing it to someone else. There are a…

It's probably more relevant then you'd expect. I have a suspicion that the rush I get from doing something excessively has created a form of addiction. When that no longer provides the rush, because it's familiar and boring, I need a new fix. Rinse repeat for 10 years and I'm obsessed with finding the next idea to give me that rush.

Re: Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

#12

Post by wasnotwas »

I understand. Sounds like you might be missing a greater purpose. When possessed by the sense of a long range mission, the slow and steady burn of quiet conviction sustains us through the inevitable lulls and frustration.

Experiment with reducing stimulation. Learn mindfulness meditation, which is proven to lessen anxiety. Take some walks in the mountains or nature. Climb trees. I remember when I recently re-discovered pleasure in the simplest things, like the sound of wind moving through trees, or the feel of the green moss beside the forest brook. These things only appear to have lost meaning because we have come to think of them as abstractions, as mere information or symbols, rather than in four dimensions that flow within and through us. The second chapter in Ray Bradbury's "Dandelion Wine" captures this well.

Take your pen and notebook. Experiment with and appreciate incremental change to habits. Forgive yourself and others.

Until you discover a greater purpose, then your greater purpose IS that process of searching and assimilating...your life already means more immediately the moment you take the decision to get serious about it in this way. And by the way, software engineering is a powerful craft. You can address almost any purpose through it.

Listen for these long range signals, and in the end, you'll feel truly satisfied in proportion to your creative generosity to the world.

All the best.

Re: Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

#13

Post by brewgardn »

terrykohla wrote: post #7
squidsoup wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just out of interest, have you been diagnosed with anything else - Aspergers syndrome, depression or PTSD? If you'd rather not share any more publicly, understand entirely!

I haven't been diagnosed with anything "yet", I have trust issues with mental health professionals, I'm a high-functioning person. I perform above average under pressure (when starting a job for example) and once I get recognition from my boss and coworkers I lose all my motivation, like all my intellectual energy was focused on "impressing" others, I don't see any more challenge, I start finding all the flaws and im…

This is not a recommended solution, but an observation of my own life. I felt almost exactly how you did - till I had kids. They gave the job I was once excited about, now bored about, a new rich level of meaning -- bc it was allowing me to provide a better life for them. They gave me a reason to have long term goals there, and not throw in the towel as quickly as I might have otherwise.

Re: Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

#15

Post by xijuan »

squidsoup wrote: post #6
terrykohla wrote: post #5

Read about BPD, you might need consulting if you fit the profile and you feel like this is ruining your life. I felt like that and that's where I'm at right now.

Just out of interest, have you been diagnosed with anything else - Aspergers syndrome, depression or PTSD? If you'd rather not share any more publicly, understand entirely!

FYI, Aspergers syndrome will no longer be in the mental diagnostic manuel after this May

Re: Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

#16

Post by terrykohla »

brewgardn wrote: post #13
terrykohla wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything "yet", I have trust issues with mental health professionals, I'm a high-functioning person. I perform above average under pressure (when starting a job for example) and once I get recognition from my boss and coworkers I lose all my motivation, like all my intellectual energy was focused on "impressing" others, I don't see any more challenge, I start finding all the flaws and im…

This is not a recommended solution, but an observation of my own life. I felt almost exactly how you did - till I had kids. They gave the job I was once excited about, now bored about, a new rich level of meaning -- bc it was allowing me to provide a better life for them. They gave me a reason to have long term goals there, and not throw in the towel as quickly as I might have otherwise.

I might feel the same way if I had kids, but I'm scared to death of having children before finding my true vocation. I think if I have kids and find myself "forced" to stay at a high-paying job I didn't like, I would be an unhappy slave. Perhaps the love for my kids would totally make-up for that, but that's how I think now that I don't have kids. I'm an idealist and I want to be in love at home as well as in love with what I do for living. I know I set the bar high. Right now I'm studying a lot about the Myer-Briggs personality types and I'm finding a lot of answers. Thanks for sharing your observation.
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