Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

medium.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 90 posts

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#21

Post by hack_edu »

richardjordan wrote: post #18
GuiA wrote: post #12

This article reminds me of a book I recently read: "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter" by Meg Jay– I highly recommend it to anyone in their 20s. Some portions of it apply more to the 20-something working at Starbucks while waiting for his band to make it big, and the HN crowd won't relate much to that, but there's plenty of other solid advice that I definitely related to. I'm not usually big on the self-h…

I think a lot of startup folks are very much like the barista waiting for the record label to discover him and his buddies' musical talents. It's a good analogy actually.

Except 4x the average income.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#22

Post by arcatek »

I started a serious relationship three years ago, and it just ended few weeks ago when my ex cheated on me with one of my friend while I was in an exchange country.

Looking backward, there was a few signs of eventual disaster, but the conclusion was very unexpected (for me, my friends, her friends, and even her family).

However, despite the double betrayal, I think I have learned a lot from the whole experience (including the three years before the break-up). Not simply about relationships, but also about myself. So I kind of agree: if you can have a serious relationship, see it as an occasion to grow up. And if it doesn't work (and it seems that it probably won't, sadly :(), see it as another occasion to grow up. Don't be afraid of an eventual disappointement.

Disclosure: was my first relation. Definitely not an expert.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#23

Post by richardjordan »

itistoday2 wrote: post #4

> It’s not a question of whether each of these things will happen; it’s a question of when. Don't like how she comes off as "super relationship expert full of wisdom" here. I don't care how many relationships she's had, or how old she is, not all relationships are created equal, and these things she calls "inevitabilities", while certainly common, are not inevitable. Being in a relationship with that mindset could ju…

I think that's failing to see the wood for the trees. She's pointing out a basket of serious problems people in long term relationships face... problems that when you're 20 seem distant or even irrelevant but by the time you hit 40 you nod your head and if you haven't had the exact same problem it's a good analogy for one you did have, because long term relationships - ones that last decades not months - are very hard and take a lot of learning.

It's not super relationship expert full of wisdom. It's the stuff the old people in your family used to tell you round the fireplace when we all had multi-generational homes and wisdom was passed down from generation to generation. Something we've lost today. The difference is you can't get mad at your gran for telling you stuff you don't want to hear.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#24

Post by richardjordan »

hack_edu wrote: post #21
richardjordan wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think a lot of startup folks are very much like the barista waiting for the record label to discover him and his buddies' musical talents. It's a good analogy actually.

Except 4x the average income.

Mostly... but I know a lot that would do better to take the barista job :-/

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#25

Post by danneu »

GuiA wrote: post #12

This article reminds me of a book I recently read: "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter" by Meg Jay– I highly recommend it to anyone in their 20s. Some portions of it apply more to the 20-something working at Starbucks while waiting for his band to make it big, and the HN crowd won't relate much to that, but there's plenty of other solid advice that I definitely related to. I'm not usually big on the self-h…

    > working at Starbucks while waiting for his band to 
    > make it big, and the HN crowd won't relate much to that
Replace "band making it big" with any other dream and replace "working at Starbucks" with any other routine and you've described most of our lives, accompanied by that chilling, familiar fear that it won't work out in the end.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#26

Post by richardjordan »

arcatek wrote: post #22

I started a serious relationship three years ago, and it just ended few weeks ago when my ex cheated on me with one of my friend while I was in an exchange country. Looking backward, there was a few signs of eventual disaster, but the conclusion was very unexpected (for me, my friends, her friends, and even her family). However, despite the double betrayal, I think I have learned a lot from the whole experience (incl…

You never become an expert no matter how many times you level up. The experiences are still worth it though :-)

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#29

Post by yesimahuman »

richardjordan wrote: post #15

The broad point here is a very important one. I came to Silicon Valley in my late 20s. I'd already had a lot of relationship ups and downs. I got married not long after getting here. I'm now, um, older... It's great for folks who are fresh out of college that a bunch of middle-aged VCs who missed the boat on Zuckerberg because after the dot.com boom they were "playing it safe" backing their MBA buddies in startups wh…

I've found I travel and do more interesting things running a company than when I had a normal job or when I was a student. And the freedom of running an internet company means I could do it anywhere I want and still get paid (though to be honest, I don't utilize that much yet).

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#30

Post by richardjordan »

nilkn wrote: post #10

I chose not to move out to the Valley so I could stay in a great relationship, and it has proved to be an extremely good decision. My life would not be nearly as enriched as it is if all I did was work, and had I moved there I too probably would have fallen into the trap of putting career above everything else. My bank account isn't quite as fat as it could be had I moved there, but then again I pay half the rent--le…

I think you make a good point. It's the innocence and naivety of young love as well that's something irreplaceable as you age and life takes its toll. It's something beautiful to hold on to whether you win or lose at it, and it's a life experience worthwhile.
Post reply on HN