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I'm a shut-in. This is my story

fighttheurgetofade.com

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Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't have a voice in my head. When I learnt from reddit discussions that most people experience their inner thoughts as an inner monologue, I was flabbergasted. If I heard a voice, I would think I was going insane. I think that's pretty normal. A quick poll of the other three people in the room reveals that none of us experience an 'inner voice'. It's more like a stream of associations, some of which might involve…

I'm pretty sure the "inner voice" is just a metaphor to describe a concept. I, too, do not hear a voice echoing in my head as if God was speaking inside my skull. I have a train of thought that I could directly translate to spoken words, but is not actually in words. It is more abstract; I shuffle around ideas. Sometimes I will speak aloud to myself when I'm trying to disassociate to find a new viewpoint, but that's…

No, it's not just a metaphor.

A majority of people literally read their thoughts to themselves using the part of their brain that processes heard speech.

The pool of people you're drawing from are all nerds who are here reading this stuff. Of course they have quiet thoughts.

It's been my experience that there are two kinds of people in this regard: There are those who process their thoughts with the speech portion of their brain and those who do not. Those who do are usually second-handers; people who depend on other people to form their opinions for them; who depend on the input of their peers to form their own thoughts. They need to hear their thoughts in a voice as if hearing them from a peer in order for them to be rational thoughts.

People who think independently and objectively tend to think using mental associations and imagery.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#122
post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't appreciate some self-loathing bitch drafting on my thoughts for misanthropy points. You know what sucks worse than trying to find competent professional medical attention in America? Blowing your head off with a gun and leaving your decomposing meat for someone to find and clean up. Those are the stakes here. This author wrote a novella about watching his life reduce to nothing, then wrapped it in a wordpress…

Just because you're a shut in doesn't mean you're depressed. Most people are incredibly vapid. I don't like interacting with most people because of this reason. Being a shut in is not as depressing as it seems. Perhaps you are an extrovert and simply cannot comprehend this.

Everything past 3/4ths down in the article is explicitly about the author's self-described depression.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#123
post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi Sir, Thanks for spelling out the truth. For those who are young and impressionable, listen to this man. Let me paraphrase his two points, 1) Being a nice person will not only earn you any affection you crave but the opposite, contempt for being an agreeable person. 2) Professional help is an oxymoron. Psychiatrists waste money and time. In my humble opinion, fundamental human problems involve three things, social…

"Being a nice person will not only earn you any affection you crave but the opposite, contempt for being an agreeable person." This has not been my experience. I like nice people, and dislike assholes. I know plenty of other people who feel the same. Of course, there are people who are attracted to assholes, but if you're interested in their affection then you might want to take a deep, hard look at why. "Professiona…

Hi Gnosis,

Thanks for your detailed response with details. I'll address about being a nice person, CBT and Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

a) On Being Nice

My experience of dealing with "nice begets nice" have been situations where, a) both parties are equitable in some context and have something to gain from one another (emotional need met in relationships, being on the same sports or business team etc) or b) where someone who's in a higher position of power and doesn't find the less empowered person threatening. This may sound very clinical but often-times, people confuse themselves unconsciously about their capacity to be a altruistic person vs. their need to feel altruistic. Common example include some people's need to feel like a good person in romantic or social context but in the end lead on the more needy lover/friend, some people's need to feel like a "creative" person but find themselves resorting to "capitalist sins" about their career/promotion in critical times.

For me personally, it's more honest and accurate for myself to say that I enjoy the feeling of giving and being loved and it's important to my well-being; but that feeling is subordinate to my self-interest. I feel this is true love rather than confusing my ultimately selfishness, misrepresenting and leading myself and someone else on.

b) CBT

IMO, most therapy tries to change the way you think or feel about your problems but not how to go about fixing the problems themselves. I don't want to dive into the exact mechanics of CBT/NLP/Psychotherapy/SSRI, but I find them to be more evasive and ultimately ineffective ways to confront emotional issues.

I want to be a professional basketball player in the NBA. Correcting negative emotional triggers throughout the day as to why I'm not 6' 5'' is ultimately not going to be effective. I have to apply domain-specific knowledge in basketball for undersized guards such as floaters and dribble-attack moves to compensate for my shortness. Or if I'm past a specific age, it's pretty unrealistic and I should divert my attention/resources to more realistic goals. The same binary logic applies to relationships, career's and yuppie ambitions. Psychology is too vague to solve my domain specific problems such as how to talk to girls, whether to work for a RoR or Python shop or how to start a vegan bakery-shop that would impress my friends. I don't want to suppress my negative thoughts or "sublime" them into more positive one's, they are there to force me to either do correct my shortcomings or admit that I suck. And I'd rather concede to my realistic conditions and progress realistically than to delude myself with the magic bullet of positive thinking that will never come.

c) Maslow's Pyramid of Needs

I believe that self-actualization and self-transcendence is too abstract for me. Helping to start a school or free clinic in Africa to me is a vanity like owning a yacht because I wouldn't do it unless I have more free time or money. I don't see any of my artistic/creative activities like creative writing, composing music etc. as "higher-lifting" as much as playing World of Warcraft or programming. They are fun things that I like to do to get into the flow of one particular thing and to assign a higher purpose and say I'm a "maker/tinkerer" or "chronicler of human condition" is ludicrous and egoistic. In my humble opinion, Einstein, Shakespeare or Tom Brady whoever don't do necessarily write or think differently than I do. They just do it in orders of magnitude better which doesn't put them in a different "creative class" of "free-thinkers" which somehow one day I hope to associate with, it just means that I suck and will most likely suck for the rest of my life. My problem isn't "finding myself," I did that exercise in kindergarten But it's how to make my life better now.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#124
post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>In fact, it's just the opposite. Many Christian denominations (e.g. Catholicism) specifically DISALLOW circumcision, if it's done for religious reasons. On the other hand, many christian denominations (e.g. esp pentecostals) circumcise precisely for religious reasons. The simple fact is that while it might not be a religious ritual for some christians, it is for others christians. Oh, look at that, christians not be…

> Oh, look at that, people not being consistent from one type to another. What a surprise. FTFY.

I completely agree with what you're expressing here, but when you belong to an organization that claims to have a monopoly on meaning and truth in the universe, a higher level of consistency is not an unreasonable expectation.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#126
post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Oh, look at that, people not being consistent from one type to another. What a surprise. FTFY.

I completely agree with what you're expressing here, but when you belong to an organization that claims to have a monopoly on meaning and truth in the universe, a higher level of consistency is not an unreasonable expectation.

Catholics and Pentecostals are different organizations. Back in the old days we used to purge non-orthodox views, but that's not as tenable anymore, so we have thousands of interpretations. In any event, the traditional Christian view is that circumcision is no longer necessary, as stated by Paul several times in the New Testament.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#127
post #103

I find it interesting that a person who has shunned all outward social connections, tries to then make a social connection via the internet in retelling his story to us. Humans, whether you like it or not, have evolved to be a social species. Even if one wishes to withdraw, they can only do this in practice with the tacit permission of the society they live in, at least unless they're prepared to give up all worldly…

I had the same thought. It's a bit of a paradox. If he is living a healthy asocial lifestyle, there is little chance he would need to externalize his internal thoughts. So by writing an essay on his healthy asocial lifestyle, he contradicts himself...

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Edit: Seems reply below is right, I misread the article. He actually calls out his lifestyle as specifically "unhealthy".

>...my unhealthy mental state...

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#128
I was a lot like you and the main thing I took away from your story is not that you're so different, but that you're _really_ young. I thought almost all the same things you did about books, being smarter than your peers, being an alien (for me it was an alien robot). When I was 12 or so I saw a kid on TV talking about how he intentionally made an inventory of facial expressions and body language and it literally changed my life to know I could do such a thing. You're not as different from other people as you think, but you're just coming out of the age where you think you are (again, I know from experience).

You've made it to the point where you know you have to make a change, which is awesome. I hope you can also get to the point where you can stop being so self-conscious about being different and just live your life. Unclench a little. I'm almost 35 and I'm just now starting to enjoy people in a real way, having done a program of "Fake it til you make it" for years. You're entering real adulthood now and you'll make adult friends, you'll move on and get some perspective on things. Take it from me, it seems like an impossibly long time now but in 5 years you'll look back on this story in a very different way.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#129
post #84
post #37

I think you're wrong on one point: you constantly repeat how different and strange you are from everyone else. You're really not. As you mentioned at one point: you didn't want to go out and play, but the teacher forced you to do so. This is very common behavior, and teachers are forcing children every day to go out and play. Huge amount of people go through similar experiences to yours. Others start to lapse into an…

I identify with huge portions of this post. And if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that I don't think like most other people. I don't mean "my ideas are better" or "I have superior reasoning skills". I mean "the tools that I use to reason about the world are not the same that most people appear to use". It's the only logical explanation for the fact that several popular ways in which humans commun…

> If I heard a voice

It's more like talking to yourself. (There's a school of thought that language is thought; related is Sapir–Whorf). The limitation of words is a strength; it enables you to pin down ideas precisely, like butterflies for careful examination. But do it too soon, and they slip through the net.

Capturing thought in words implies that thought differs from words; but words are an important tool of thought. Linguistic thought seems a builtin for humans and our intelligence would be less if we did not have words - and not just for communication/collaboration and external storage.

BTW: There was a study of mathematicians done about a century ago IIRC, and it was found that about 70% of them thought visually about mathematics; about 15% verbally/linguistically; and only 5% thought in actual mathematical notation.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#130
post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just because you're a shut in doesn't mean you're depressed. Most people are incredibly vapid. I don't like interacting with most people because of this reason. Being a shut in is not as depressing as it seems. Perhaps you are an extrovert and simply cannot comprehend this.

"People are generally worthless, unlike me." Check.

That is really what a lot of introverts feel. It's okay if you are uncomfortable with that. We can recognize our own so in case it was not obvious that it was a blanket statement, let me just say "it was a blanket statement".
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