Good sleep, good learning, good life

Yup, my wife & I co-sleep with our 5-month old (same reasons as you mentioned) and also our 3 year old (who could have her own bed if she wanted, but she likes being in the big nest), and generally we all sleep well.

We researched risks beforehand, and found (no links because this is from memory...) that it would be a bad idea if we used alcohol/sleeping pills/etc., or were obese -- we don't/aren't, and in the 3+ years we've been co-sleeping we've never even bumped a child in the night and upset it.

I know people (and hear about people) who accidentally punch their spouses, sleepwalk, etc. during the night -- if you have a history of that kind of thing, I wouldn't recommend it. If you don't, this is a nice setup. My personal experience is that I'm hyperaware of the baby in the bed even while mostly-asleep (like when changing position during the night), and in the morning have very foggy memories of turning over very carefully.

We generally head to bed gradually starting around 10pm (but I often read the older girl more stories downstairs while my wife gets the baby to sleep first), and the kids wake up anywhere from 8:30 to 10:30 the next morning -- usually later rather than earlier, so I get some work done in a quiet house before they get up.

Side-note: we got a co-sleeping bed (a crib that attaches to the side of the bed, basically) but it quickly became a toychest; the babies didn't want to be set aside. Now we sleep sideways in the bed (headboard/footboard means no one rolls out the "sides") and the grown-ups put their feet in the co-sleeping attachment.

edit: forgot to mention that obesity is a risk factor for co-sleeping.

Some of those are so infuriating. Luckily by now there are also some experts who speak out against the "let her cry" theory. Turns out that feeling safe and cared for actually gives kids more confidence and in the long run than being left alone for long stretches of time.

We also had a close shave with the milk thing, but there are also now experts who help with and promote breast feeding. But the "standard docs" are rather quick with "just add artificial food". Even though they should now that it's better for the immune system to be breast fed (there actually is research on that).

How do you "man up" against sleep deprivation? I think in general you shouldn't man up against your own body.

I'm actually fascinated by this: popular mythology seems to push the "man up" principle for getting things done. But the real challenges I see are longterm sustainability, managing your resources properly to get through long tasks/projects.

Maybe it is because movies lend themselves more to the "man up once and achieve a break through" type of stories than to the "act sensibly and continue for a looong time".

Think learning piano: you can not man up and force yourself to learn piano in a 48h sleepless session (I assume :-)). You have to practice continuously for years. Sticking to it is the really hard part. Maning up for short bursts of time is actually easy.

Interestingly, this article told me a LOT of things that I've already discovered on my own, and another few things that make me feel very relieved, since I thought that I was doing it all wrong. It seems that everyone but me is, ha! Ok, just kidding, but not so much. I've realized that I feel a lot better since I stopped doing what everyone does and started doing what my body tells me to do.

First of all: I hate sleeping. No, really. Since I was like 9 years old. Sleeping feels good, or more exactly, going to sleep when you're sleepy feels good; but there are so many things to do through the day, that feel much better! Be it reading, studying, watching movies, any kind of game (videogames, board games, sports, you name it), or anything you like. Yeah, I've wished I didn't need to sleep since I was very young. Not too long after, I realized the harsh truth: not getting enough sleep is far worse than "waste" many hours in bed. You feel like shit (especially in the morning, just after artificially waking up), you perform worse on everything you do, and there are a few health issues.

Of course, for most of my life I've been under the same bane than everyone: school and work create artificial constraints to sleeping schedules, so through all my life I've done very unwise things. I remember a period of several months when I slept twice a day from four to eight: once AM, once PM. It's actually a relatively benign schedule compared to other things I've done.

So, I decided to tackle the problem, and now there are several things I do, with good results:

1) The article speaks against this, but try to go to sleep at about the same time everyday. What does this mean? Well, if your "sleeping time" is near but you don't feel tired at all (or you think you won't feel tired because it hasn't been an intense day), you may want to A) turn off as many lights as possible, and yes, this specifically includes computers, TV and phones (by the way, how many of you don't turn off the phone when you go to sleep? Please, don't do that to yourself!); and B) go for a walk and/or moderate exercise for about 30 minutes to tire you a little. Even walking through the rooms of your house might do the trick, actually.

2) In the adjustment phase (the article tells you how to do this; free-running sleep with little to no physical activity during a holiday week does the job for me), try to create a schedule that makes you get up a good 2-3 hours before you have to actually start preparing to go to work. I.e., if you would get up at 7 to immediately have breakfast as fast as possible, then take a shower and go to job with minimal "waste" of time, then schedule your sleep so that you get up at 5 or even a little sooner. This has some benefits like giving you quiet time to do whatever you want before work (I usually study); but more importantly, it ensures completely that, if one day you feel like you need a little more sleep, you can stay in bed as long as you want, and you'll be wide awake and energetic through all the day (however, try to increase your exercise that day, so that you'll feel tired and go to bed as soon as possible, thus not breaking your schedule. I've noted than a single day of not getting enough sleep may wreak havoc in your schedule, so this is actually quite important). This means, however, that you must go to bed soon, i.e.: say good-bye to your night life. I understand that this may put off many people, but at least try to think about this trade-off and which are your priorities. 3) This is my "secret weapon" that may also put off many people: no caffeine. Never in my life have I had any significant intake of caffeine, since I don't like coffee and I don't have coke that often. I'm not sure about how might this affect my schedule, but I'm confident that heavy coffee drinkers will have sleep problems despite their tolerance (they may not acknowledge it, since needing an alarm clock is widely not perceived as a huge sleep problem).

I used to think that I was a non-24. Not any more! I just had a poor schedule and didn't know how to train my body to shorten a little my circadian rhythm (again, the article speaks about this). I also used to think that I was clearly an owl, but I currently sleep from about 20 to 4, and it's by far the most stable schedule I've ever had. It feels so good to be free from the tyranny of the alarm clock.

Have you heard of sleep.io (online automated CBT course for insomnia)? No connection, just sounded like something that might be helpful and cheaper/easier than getting actual CBT.