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Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

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Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#111

Post by pasbesoin »

k3n wrote: post #73
simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

> The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to announce plans. This is also a great way to get dates: you don't "ask" them on a date, you merely invite them to go on a date that you'd already planned. It works much the same way as you prescribe. You're actually implying: "I'm going to go do something cool with or without you, and this is my invitation for you to join me _if you w…

That was my thought, too: This is a fairly simple but apparently effective bit of dating advice.

Don't invite someone out "sometime". Propose having dinner this Friday at 8 pm. Or better, dinner this Friday at 8 pm at Chez Whatever.

If they don't like Chez Whatever, you can negotiate on this point. Or maybe 8:30 pm is better.

Anything other than a clean reason for declination, including the proverbial "Perhaps another time", is "no". Well... You might still follow up to be sure. Again, with a specific proposal.

I also like the idea of a sort of "non-date". I'm going to be doing some (cool to me, at least -- I'll be having fun) stuff. Want to join in?

If you're enjoying yourself, you're probably going to be a lot more attractive, anyway.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#112

Post by SatvikBeri »

andrewcooke wrote: post #105
Lucadg wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

yes yes yes! I realized this long time ago. Don't ask who joins. Announce you are going. They will follow. If they don't, fine. It makes it all so much easier. Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do.

Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do. working out what works for you is just fine. go for it. but using pseudo-psychology to put down people you don't understand is not so cool. there are plenty of valid reasons people don't want to do what you do (one may be to avoid passive-aggressive snarks like this...)

Notice that Lucadg said nothing negative in his post. Perhaps you are projecting?

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#113

Post by Lucadg »

andrewcooke wrote: post #105
Lucadg wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

yes yes yes! I realized this long time ago. Don't ask who joins. Announce you are going. They will follow. If they don't, fine. It makes it all so much easier. Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do.

Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do. working out what works for you is just fine. go for it. but using pseudo-psychology to put down people you don't understand is not so cool. there are plenty of valid reasons people don't want to do what you do (one may be to avoid passive-aggressive snarks like this...)

I was just stating a fact. Most of the people find it easy to follow and hard to take the lead. I did not imply this is wrong (I apologize as actually I was not so clear about it) but if you are someone who likes to start something and share it with others, as I do, the sooner you realize this the better.

You leave the frustrating "let's do this together" phase and go into the "I'm doing this, I'll be happy if you join in!" phase, which is so much better. My theory is that if you give the impression that you won't do it alone, it means you are not so sure about it and the project inspires less confidence. Of course there are things you just can't do alone, but you can start alone and see who joins.

I strongly agree with the OP because it's a major shift in one's life. Very precious.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#115

Post by kafkaesque »

mixmastamyk wrote: post #106
kafkaesque wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ever since I moved to another city, I eat alone all the time (breakfast, lunch, dinner). I have very, very few friends, and the few I do have live a bit of a ways or we just aren't that good of friends (so I guess they're technically acquaintances). Part of my family lives here, and they just think I'm extremely strange (they've never moved to a different city, though). It's pretty normal for me now. The only restaur…

> I don't want to risk that. You might be joking, but don't worry about "scoffs" from people you don't know and will never meet again... you can learn things from them and move on.

Thanks. I'm not joking and you're right that I can learn from them and that would be the end of it.

However, I am not a spontaneous person. I like to plan things out a lot. Especially because I live in a huge city where I must drive (and I hate driving) and things are so far apart from each other. I guess this could motivate me to be more flexible, think on my toes, and generally improve what some may see as a character flaw.

Maybe one day.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#117

Post by bluekite2000 »

malenm wrote: post #89
bluekite2000 wrote: post #76

This boils down to your personality, not on external factors like who you are with, where you go or what you do. Are you an extrovert, introvert or ambivert? Figure out who you are then everything will make sense

Thanks for this - I'm very much an ambivert but never heard the term until today.

Have you read a book called To sell is human? The author goes in depth on this.
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