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Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

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Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#101

Post by Hello71 » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 6:44 PM UTC

patrickk wrote: post #92

k3n wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to announce plans. This is also a great way to get dates: you don't "ask" them on a date, you merely invite them to go on a date that you'd already planned. It works much the same way as you prescribe. You're actually implying: "I'm going to go do something cool with or without you, and this is my invitation for you to join me _if you w…

People like to be lead. Making decisions is somewhat mentally difficult/draining and people like to be told what to do (I've noticed this in areas like social settings and designing landing pages).

*led

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#102

Post by phaedrix » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 6:46 PM UTC

simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

People find it hard to commit to things, so if you take that out of the equation and they can just show up if they feel like it at that time, that makes it easier.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#103

Post by thisisandyok » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:09 PM UTC

tmh88j wrote: post #11

thisisandyok wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

True, but I think the point of the post is not to miss out on things because you don't have a group.

I understand the underlying point, but I don't agree in every situation, such as travel which I explained. Most leisure related activities are enjoyable to me because I have someone close to share the experience with.

I understand your point and I mostly agree, it's usually better to share experiences with someone than go it alone. On the other hand, flying solo is better than not going at all.

I really wanted to run the Disney World Marathon last year, but I couldn't get a group together. If I had decided to pass I would have missed what turned out to be one of my favorite trips ever.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#104

Post by mixmastamyk » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:16 PM UTC

I remember coming to grips with this myself. Turns out most people have different priorities than I, such as buying a new car rather than say... diving in Australia for a few months?

A few things I've learned: The true test comes when it is time to pay. If you can move that part up, then you will save a lot of time. Don't sweat it if the couch potatoes at home don't make it. You'll make friends at the destination, people who actually do things rather than talk about them.

Also, agree with simonsarris' comment that announcing plans takes the uncertainty out of the exchange.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#105

Post by andrewcooke » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:18 PM UTC

Lucadg wrote: post #25

simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

yes yes yes! I realized this long time ago. Don't ask who joins. Announce you are going. They will follow. If they don't, fine. It makes it all so much easier. Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do.

Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do.

working out what works for you is just fine. go for it.

but using pseudo-psychology to put down people you don't understand is not so cool. there are plenty of valid reasons people don't want to do what you do (one may be to avoid passive-aggressive snarks like this...)

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#106

Post by mixmastamyk » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:21 PM UTC

kafkaesque wrote: post #75

ghc wrote: post #13

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel extremely awkward going to nice restaurants alone even if I bring something to do. I don't experience this feeling anywhere else...just restaurants. I think I'd be more likely to travel alone than to go out to a nice restaurant down the street alone.

Ever since I moved to another city, I eat alone all the time (breakfast, lunch, dinner). I have very, very few friends, and the few I do have live a bit of a ways or we just aren't that good of friends (so I guess they're technically acquaintances). Part of my family lives here, and they just think I'm extremely strange (they've never moved to a different city, though). It's pretty normal for me now. The only restaur…

> I don't want to risk that.

You might be joking, but don't worry about "scoffs" from people you don't know and will never meet again... you can learn things from them and move on.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#107

Post by paganel » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:24 PM UTC

saraid216 wrote: post #67

anonymouz wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this feels really awkward at first but one can get used to it. My hypothesis as to why it feels awkward is that one is afraid that other people might think, "Oh, look at this guy, he can't find anyone to go out to eat with him". But this is stupid, because obviously those other people that are there in groups don't go out every night to dine with friends either. They might just do the eating alone nights at h…

While this thread has prompted me to break my personal taboo of not going to fancy places by myself, my actual reason isn't how about how other people perceive me, but my perception as to what the proper role of such a restaurant is: a place to celebrate company through good food and good atmosphere. Going by myself would violate that--at least, I think it will--; I figure I ought to give it a try and see if anything…

Just go for it, trust me. I'm writing this from a nice Belgian restaurant where I'm all by myself, they serve nice Belgian food and excellent Belgian beer, and on top of that I've been eating out mostly by myself for the last one year and a half, and I've never felt more at ease when eating out.

The thing is that I've never felt comfortable when eating out with acquainteces, for one thing because I'm very slow eater so I'd always left lots of food on my table, and second because I've never been at ease with talking when your mouth is full with food. Plus you cannot made dirty jokes when someone's eating :)

As things are like I know, myself eating alone and at ease,I've discovered that I really do enjoy good food and a nice drink (I was almost indifferent to it before) and that I'm not that keen on making compromises anymore when it comes to eating out, because the decision where and when to eat depends only on me. And I've also become a lot more confident when talking to complete strangers, this coming from an introvert guy.

And on top of that, people watching and listening is extraordinary!

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#108

Post by GFischer » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:27 PM UTC

adcoelho wrote: post #61

simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

I've tried this approach and it works but there are situations when one can't go alone. In my case I like to play football(soccer, if you will) and it requires a minimum of 10 to play, it's extremely stressful when we get the people, book the field and when we arrive there we are always short by one.

Yes, that's a lot of stress.

There are services like "FaltaUno.com" (one player missing :) ) that are trying to solve that problem !!!

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#109

Post by eigenvector » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:31 PM UTC

simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

Once you start doing things alone (or at least being willing to go alone), you'll find yourself shifting your activities to things you truly enjoy. In a social context, you often do a lot of things you don't intrinsically enjoy just because you enjoy the company you're with.

Specifically in the context of hiking, I've always told people who are interested in backpacking with me - if you wouldn't do this alone, you probably won't enjoy it even with a group.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#110

Post by run4yourlives » Fri, Jan 25, 2013, 7:51 PM UTC

adcoelho wrote: post #84

run4yourlives wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Join a league. Life's too short to fart around with trying to find those extra few people. If you join a league, not only will you get your match fixes on a more regular basis, you'll have a broader pool to select from if you do try and set up something ad-hoc.

Well yeah I did try that and I played in a couple in the past but the main problem with that solution is the stress involved. Its totally different when you are playing with friends just for the sake of it, when someone plays a little rougher everything's alright quickly afterwards. In a league, and I strongly believe this is a cultural thing, people tend to lose Lots of time complaining and I end up enjoying it much…

Join the right league. :)

Seriously though, I understand what you are saying. Some people - men especially - seem to forget that there isn't much chance that there are scouts for premiership teams in the stands, because there isn't anyone in the stands at all.

There are rec leagues and co-ed leagues that are significantly more geared to people having a good time and not thinking they are the city's version of Messi. Seek those out. Also see if you can play in a Master's league (there are often 1-2 spots allowed, and often no age restrictions on keepers)

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