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Did porn warp me forever?

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Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#251

Post by notdonspaulding »

lucian1900 wrote: post #244
notdonspaulding wrote: post #182

I can definitely relate to the author. I first found porn at the age of 14. I'm 29 now, and until recently, porn has always been something I've "struggled with". I've seen several comments that have opposed what I would call the Church & Moral perspective on porn, without really having an example of what that perspective is. Let me put forth a few claims, so those of you who would disagree with them have something co…

Well, your claims are largely silly. While much porn isn't of particularly good quality, lots of porn is designed for couples. And it's great! You should try it with your wife. Again, you've been watching the wrong porn. Plenty depicts beautiful sexual intimacy.

While I don't see how you've refuted any of my claims specifically, I will address your assertion that I should try porn with my wife.

Having used porn myself for the majority of my life, and for almost the entirety of my marriage, I have quite a number of empirical data points of its affects on me and my sexuality. I will say that my wife and I need much less of the influence of porn on our sex life, not more.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#252

Post by acuozzo »

Mz wrote: post #178
ams6110 wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Seems maybe his scientist parents didn't teach him about correlation and causation either. There are many guys who have trouble with "real" sex because of insecurity or any number of other fears that have nothing to do with/were not caused by looking at porn.

He talks about how taboo porn was at home and that it was exciting chiefly because it was forbidden. I would guess his parents didn't have a great marriage and didn't model a healthy intimate relationship for him. Sounds like sex was a big unspoken issue in the household. Also, what the hell was a kid in elementary school doing burning XXX CD's to share with some clique in-crowd? They obviously were an elite group, w…

> It sounds like he grew up in a two career family where no one was paying much attention to anything he did.

What if his parents stopped paying attention because he wanted absolutely nothing to do with them and made it known?

That's how I started treating my parents (one career household: pop worked; mom did everything else) at twelve years old and it wore them down after four years. I still feel quite guilty about it, as they were and are excellent parents.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#253

Post by agumonkey »

_ddkb wrote: post #85

I know this is outing myself but this is my personal experience. I won't post anonymously in case anyone wants to contact me. I came to the realization about 2 years that I am addicted to porn. For anyone out there struggling with the same thing, it can get better and yes, it is probably having a negative influence on your life. Previously I would look about once per week but in the past 6 months, I have probably vie…

A negative side of accelerating returns. The contrast between the difficulty in the past and the overwhelming ease of nowadays is astonishing.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#254

Post by neumann_alfred »

exim wrote: post #241
tommorris wrote: post #237

Well, if we're all just going to trade anecdotes at each other, I may as well do so too. Unlike the author of the original piece, I'm happy to use my real name. I looked at porn on the Internet as a teenager. I'm gay and back then I was deep in the closet. And I grew up when Section 28 was still in force. It was a law passed in the 80s that said schools "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish materi…

Regarding differences in easy accessibility of "materials" for different orientation persons, one interesting thing worth mentioning - unlike heterosexuals, homosexuals carry this "material" all the time with them - their body...

Ever noticed how moving your own tongue about in your own mouth is totally not like french kissing someone else? Kinda counterintuitive I know, but those have been my findings.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#255

Post by neumann_alfred »

Karunamon wrote: post #248
grandpa wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the concern is not that people called him out when he was wrong, but that one person phrased it very rudely.

Which is, when it comes right down to it, is a tone argument. Which is only one step above fallacious reasoning.[1] Calling something BS that's well, BS in a rude way does not negate that call of BS. The person doing the attacking has done so using an explicit refutation of a couple of the author's main points. [1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Grahams_Hierarchy_of_Disag...

Calling something BS that's well, BS in a rude way does not negate that call of BS.

And nobody claimed that it does. They simply pointed out that it's kinda weak to be an asshole in response; the fact the the asshole had a point doesn't make them not an asshole "Yeah but he's right". That's great, but not the point, and was also mentioned by the very people criticizing the asshole for being one. All further responses to that just went in circles, attacking strawmen like you just did.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#256

Post by gopi »

This comment may be down voted here. But i think there is a case to be made for a new law that mandates the ISP's to password protect all porn websites by default.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#257

Post by mikecaron »

da3da wrote: post #249
jxi wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just because you made yourself vulnerable doesn't mean it's OK to state incorrect/wrong things. The response to OP's posts are more valid and his tone is appropriate in expressing how wrong some of the original points were (IMHO).

I think people are willing to take criticism much better when it is phrased in a respectfully way, rather than an "I'm right you're wrong, here let me prove it" perspective. The OP may have been incorrect, but the best way to help him realize this isn't by yelling at him across the internet, but by politely pointing him to the science.

I agree. If OP is incorrect (I say if because I am not making a statement about his correctness) perhaps he was ignorantly incorrect. It's never good to start off with an arrogant, disrespectful tone without asking questions first. Ignorance is not the same as intentional deception.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#258

Post by bigfudge2 »

neumann_alfred wrote: post #254
exim wrote: post #241

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Regarding differences in easy accessibility of "materials" for different orientation persons, one interesting thing worth mentioning - unlike heterosexuals, homosexuals carry this "material" all the time with them - their body...

Ever noticed how moving your own tongue about in your own mouth is totally not like french kissing someone else? Kinda counterintuitive I know, but those have been my findings.

Likely related the fact that you can't tickle yourself:

http://www.skidmore.edu/~flip/Site/Lab/Entries/2007/1/31_For...

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#259

Post by npsimons »

guard-of-terra wrote: post #223
lizzard wrote: post #184

I wish you would all read this brilliant speech by Andrea Dworkin. Try to keep an open mind for a seed of truth, even if you come from a very different place politically. http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/dworkin/WarZoneChaptIIIE.htm... ". . . if equality is what you want and what you care about, then you have to fight for the institutions that will make it socially real. It is not just a matter of your attitude. You c…

How is it relevant to the article being discussed?

Dworkin was a big critic of pornography, claiming it caused rape and subjugation of women. While there are undoubtedly some women in porn against their will (or verging on doing it for lack of better options (ie, "for the money")), this point of view completely ignores women who are aware of their options, but choose to do porn and see it as an issue of "their body, their choice".

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#260

Post by mikecaron »

malandrew wrote: post #216
TeMPOraL wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Hopefully the kids growing up today realize this. Martial arts - maybe. But if your never had sex and your only education on the topic is porn, then how could you know how it really looks like? And then you have your first, and second, and third time, and you feel a bit disappointed that it didn't feel or look like you expected, and even if you realize that porn is a caricature, you're still left wondering, how muc…

Having porn before sex is probably a lot more instructive and useful to our sexual well being than an alternative world where your only contact with sex before having it is just private conversations about it with the few people you feel comfortable discussing it with. I'm very glad that I live in a post Kinsey Report world.

I'd disagree here. Certain porn might be instructive, but most porn includes violence towards women. Not only that, but in 95% of scenes that included this violence, the women responds either (a) with passive compliance or (b) enjoyment. This is teaching observers, those especially which have never been introduced to sex before, that women desire to be hit, beaten, strangled, raped, etc and if they don't enjoy it or allow you to do it to them, there's something wrong. If that kind of porn is what is instructing our youth, then we will have a very dangerous society to live in.

Ref: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaCt6qUL_Pk&feature=share

I'm a father of 3 girls. I'm teaching them all how to defend themselves with and without a gun.

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