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Did porn warp me forever?

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Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#171

Post by nostrademons » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:16 AM UTC

VigUi7vv8G2 wrote: post #121

_ddkb wrote: post #85

I know this is outing myself but this is my personal experience. I won't post anonymously in case anyone wants to contact me. I came to the realization about 2 years that I am addicted to porn. For anyone out there struggling with the same thing, it can get better and yes, it is probably having a negative influence on your life. Previously I would look about once per week but in the past 6 months, I have probably vie…

> Each time you view something new, your brain gives a hit of dopamine. Oh dear god. That is not how dopamine works. Dopamine is a chemical that your brain secretes when you are trying to get something, not once you get it - so when you're hungry, for example, you'll have higher dopamine levels. Then when you eat, they go back down. The actual sensation of higher dopamine levels is stress and anxiousness - it actuall…

"The actual sensation of higher dopamine levels is stress and anxiousness - it actually doesn't feel good at all."

Hmm, maybe that explains why whenever I get this rush of anticipation whenever I think about playing Starcraft, but when I actually play it I just end up stressed and anxious.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#172

Post by linuxhansl » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:19 AM UTC

Porn and masturbation are quite normal, as long as they do not affect your everyday life.

It's easy to think you are addicted or think that you are not normal. But what is normal anyway? Watching porn once a day, a week, a month, not at all? I'd posit that "not at all" is not normal.

It turns out that men often fantasize during sex and that women rarely do. Whether the fantasy is about some prior experience, some random fantasies, and scenes from the porn movie seems immaterial to me.

Personally I do not understand how porn can possibly measure up to real interpersonal sexuality, but that does not mean that I do not watch porn. :)

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#173

Post by Falling3 » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:20 AM UTC

Falling3 wrote: post #154

Falling3 wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not making any judgements on your own addictions - I'd never be that presumptuous. To be honest, I've only begun to look into AA's culture and theories. I feel it's an understatement to say that it's not perfect. Half of the steps specifically mention god - that does not sound like me like a necessary (or even helpful) part of treatment for alcoholism. People have also pointed out similarities between them and cu…

>Most of what you're saying about AA is false. 4 of the 12 steps mention God. And if you look deeper into the material, God is in reference to a Higher Power or "Power greater than ourselves." >Some examples of a Higher Power can include: a sponsor, the group in general, a (big G or little g) god, a door knob. The principle is about believing in something greater than yourself. No, it is not. Four of the steps use th…

>One's own conception of God could be any of those things I listed.

The definition and teachings leave it open to your interepretation of God... to some extent. It still must comply with many Western concept of a god - loving, benevolent, intervening. You cannot follow those steps as they are laid out and pretend that substituting a sponsor, group, or door knob means the same thing. It just doesn't.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#174

Post by Falling3 » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:24 AM UTC

gavingmiller wrote: post #167

Falling3 wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Most of what you're saying about AA is false. 4 of the 12 steps mention God. And if you look deeper into the material, God is in reference to a Higher Power or "Power greater than ourselves." >Some examples of a Higher Power can include: a sponsor, the group in general, a (big G or little g) god, a door knob. The principle is about believing in something greater than yourself. No, it is not. Four of the steps use th…

When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. - pg 47 of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous; Fourth Edition One's own conception of God could be any of those things I listed. Personally, I have spent nearly 4 years in an AA group. So rest assured, I have read the steps. As to what is taught - God referring to Allah, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Jesus, Mohammed, etc. - depends on the…

>One's own conception of God could be any of those things I listed.

The definition and teachings leave it open to your interepretation of God... to some extent. It still must comply with many Western concept of a god - loving, benevolent, intervening. You cannot follow those steps as they are laid out and pretend that substituting a sponsor, group, or door knob means the same thing. It just doesn't.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#175

Post by ams6110 » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:28 AM UTC

Mz wrote: post #74

Both his parents were psychologists.* Any psych major knows the old saw that you probably got bad stuff like this from your parents. Some of the psych majors I have personally known struck me as folks who had no clue how humans work and were hoping to get a clue by majoring in it. When I went to GIS school, this observation was reinforced by a classmate who had a Master's in Psychology and was looking to change caree…

Seems maybe his scientist parents didn't teach him about correlation and causation either. There are many guys who have trouble with "real" sex because of insecurity or any number of other fears that have nothing to do with/were not caused by looking at porn.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#176

Post by graue » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:39 AM UTC

_ddkb wrote: post #124

VigUi7vv8G2 wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Each time you view something new, your brain gives a hit of dopamine. Oh dear god. That is not how dopamine works. Dopamine is a chemical that your brain secretes when you are trying to get something, not once you get it - so when you're hungry, for example, you'll have higher dopamine levels. Then when you eat, they go back down. The actual sensation of higher dopamine levels is stress and anxiousness - it actuall…

Thanks for the article. I'm still trying to learn more about it. However, I would appreciate it if you did not judge me and wrote your response in a more polite manner.

Thank you for sharing your personal struggle. Also, your restraint here is admirable. I regret that someone chose to reply in such a toxic manner, and am impressed you remained so polite regardless.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#177

Post by CKKim » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:42 AM UTC

Evbn wrote: post #144

CKKim wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ah, got it. Thanks very much for the explanation. The alcohol analogy makes it lucid. When it comes to pornography I'm definitely a "glass of red wine with dinner from time to time" kind of person (TMI?), so it was out of my frame of reference to know what kind of behaviour you were describing. "I would notice that I would put so much stress on my body, that it would really take me about a week to recover and feel no…

It would be really sweet if you meant that as a nice meal, a glass of wine, a laptop, and a towel.

Needless to say I didn't mean it that way, but the imagery in your comment did make me laugh a lot on an otherwise depressingly rainy Monday morning with three meetings scheduled for the afternoon that I'm really not looking forward to leading. Thank you! :)

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#178

Post by Mz » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 5:57 AM UTC

ams6110 wrote: post #175

Mz wrote: post #74

Both his parents were psychologists.* Any psych major knows the old saw that you probably got bad stuff like this from your parents. Some of the psych majors I have personally known struck me as folks who had no clue how humans work and were hoping to get a clue by majoring in it. When I went to GIS school, this observation was reinforced by a classmate who had a Master's in Psychology and was looking to change caree…

Seems maybe his scientist parents didn't teach him about correlation and causation either. There are many guys who have trouble with "real" sex because of insecurity or any number of other fears that have nothing to do with/were not caused by looking at porn.

He talks about how taboo porn was at home and that it was exciting chiefly because it was forbidden. I would guess his parents didn't have a great marriage and didn't model a healthy intimate relationship for him. Sounds like sex was a big unspoken issue in the household. Also, what the hell was a kid in elementary school doing burning XXX CD's to share with some clique in-crowd? They obviously were an elite group, with access to tech and so on. They were savvy enough to rename the CD's something they could talk about in public, which started a trend of unclued acquaintances buying the real music CD's they used as code names, which became part of the in joke.

Edit: Reminds me I read somewhere once that there is as much drug addiction and child neglect in upperclass two career families as in the ghetto. It sounds like he grew up in a two career family where no one was paying much attention to anything he did.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#179

Post by jacoblyles » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 6:18 AM UTC

pixl97 wrote: post #161

jacoblyles wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>"Porn is widespread enough that you'd expect the large-scale statistical effects to be manifest." There is certainly a modern syndrome around the nexus of sex, relationships, and family (less stable relationships, fewer children raised in stable homes, fewer children, more sex, more sexual culture, technology that lowers the cost of sex, easy access to porn). It's hard to know which pieces of the syndrome are causes…

What is it that has changed for the worse? More equality for women? That has improved. Access to abortion? That has improved? Domestic abuse and assault in sexual relationship? Are there any good statistics on these trends? Courts upholding child support agreements with force of law. Don't pay your child support and see what happens. The reason something may appear broken with modern relationships is the fact we are…

Unfortunately, as far as I know children of single-parent families do worse in education, earnings, the legal system, and in other ways, so the breakdown of the family has immense social costs.

You will notice that the upper class still marries before they have children.

Re: Did porn warp me forever?

#180

Post by nashequilibrium » Mon, Jan 14, 2013, 6:26 AM UTC

VigUi7vv8G2 wrote: post #121

_ddkb wrote: post #85

I know this is outing myself but this is my personal experience. I won't post anonymously in case anyone wants to contact me. I came to the realization about 2 years that I am addicted to porn. For anyone out there struggling with the same thing, it can get better and yes, it is probably having a negative influence on your life. Previously I would look about once per week but in the past 6 months, I have probably vie…

> Each time you view something new, your brain gives a hit of dopamine. Oh dear god. That is not how dopamine works. Dopamine is a chemical that your brain secretes when you are trying to get something, not once you get it - so when you're hungry, for example, you'll have higher dopamine levels. Then when you eat, they go back down. The actual sensation of higher dopamine levels is stress and anxiousness - it actuall…

These kinds of comments prevent people expressing their feelings because of fear that every word, every technical detail will be analysed and if you are incorrect, someone will come down really hard on you and at the same time take away from the crux of the conversation. You may be right in the issues you point out but you are too harsh and not compassionate. A HN member has taken their time to share something personal, give them some leeway, be understanding and you can go one comment without trying to look smart.

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