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Never Lie About Who You Really Are

blogs.hbr.org

21–30 of 227 posts

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#21
> First, know what you're coming out about. Identify your truths. Write a personal values manifesto. You can't know if your values are being violated if you're ambiguous about what they are.

most people would come out about the fact that they don't give a shit about the value of the product their employer produces.

many would have to admit they delight in sabotaging the system they hate.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#22
post #15

In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay or straight. I don't know how common that is, or how it got started. I wonder whether it will ever catch on in the US?

It's common, but daft. It makes every relationship sound like a firm of solicitors. I don't see what's wrong with wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.

  a) You might not want to disclose the sex of the other person.
  b) Some people object against the term 'girl' and 'boy' for grown up people.
  c) Political reasons, there is a wider variety of relationship permutations than the above 4.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#23
post #15

In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay or straight. I don't know how common that is, or how it got started. I wonder whether it will ever catch on in the US?

It's common, but daft. It makes every relationship sound like a firm of solicitors. I don't see what's wrong with wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.

The problem with boyfriend/girlfriend is that it seems strange to use the same term for a relationship in high school that lasts two months as you would for a relationship later on where you live with a person for years.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#24
I hope I'm not insensitive, but if I'm having a bad day and my cab driver (or just about any total stranger) asks "how is your day" I am not compelled to tell him about the intricacies of being me. It's not about fighting for "the truth", it's simply practical. This is generally how to behave for all matters of sex, politics, religion, and anything else personal. Small talk is small talk.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#25

In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay or straight. I don't know how common that is, or how it got started. I wonder whether it will ever catch on in the US?

The bad thing is when people say "my partner" now, I think they might mean their bf/gf even when they mean business partner.

I guess it got started in non-gay context because it's awkward to describe someone of a certain age as a boy or girl.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#26
post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's common, but daft. It makes every relationship sound like a firm of solicitors. I don't see what's wrong with wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.

a) You might not want to disclose the sex of the other person. b) Some people object against the term 'girl' and 'boy' for grown up people. c) Political reasons, there is a wider variety of relationship permutations than the above 4.

c) There are? Like "Friends with Benefits"?

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#27

Okay, how do you do what he's saying _without_ being the guy who bitches about everything and is all up in everyone's business thinking he knows better than everyone how to do their jobs?

I wondered about that as well.

His example of standing up for the truth is easy, because it is simply undeniably true that he is gay and his partner is a man. He can correct wrong assumptions from the comfortable position of what is actually the case in 'reality'.

Unfortunately, in most cases the truth you want to defend is in the gray of philosophy, ethics, politics, aesthetics, where you yourself may even agree something isn't a universal truth. Then you're not defending the truth: you are preaching.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#28
I'm not so sure this advice is generally applicable. At the same time, I understand the author probably doesn't mean for it to be, but maybe that is a problem with the inherent vagueness of language. I don't care to do philosophy of language here.

When I behave as I truly am, stuff like this applies:

[quote]

b) Poor Understanding of Social Situations: Their good verbal skills enable adults with WS to initiate superficial social contacts. However, they tend to lack understanding of the underlying, 'unwritten' rules governing all types of social intercourse. They are often too open, direct or personal in their interactions with others, and do not recognize the social constraints that would be apparent to other people in the same situation. In other cases their social naivetŽ and lack of inhibition can lead them to tell tales or to say things that might hurt or embarrass other people. Such behaviour is rarely intentional or malicious, but occurs because the individual may not understand the social implications of his or her utterances. Similarly, adults with WS will not hesitate to try and gain other peoples' attention with comments and questions, or to reprimand others. Consequently they may give the impression of being rude, bossy or attention seeking, which again may antagonize others if they are not fore-warned.

-- ADULTS WITH WILLIAMS SYNDROME: GUIDELINES FOR EMPLOYERS & SUPERVISORS By Orlee Udwin, Mark Davies, Chris Stinton & Patricia Howlin

[/quote]

Generally I get asked if I'm stoned or something like this, when I'm only trying to be myself. And if I tell people about my Williams (like my heart conditions and other obvious elfish features, including psychological), it doesn't matter how much truth or scientific backing or reading I bring to the table. Given the linguistic problematic of Williams, everyone just gets frustrated since there is the unfortunate problem that if you self-diagnose, and talk about it, you have to present symptoms/evidence/whatever-makes-you-think-you're-X in a sequential fashion.

I'm learning that this hypermetropolitan-supraurban lifestyle is too fast-paced for a conversational exchange where Demonstration is feasible in conversation. It's like presenting evidence has been restricted to purely scientific settings. It's unfortunate.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#29
post #14

In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay or straight. I don't know how common that is, or how it got started. I wonder whether it will ever catch on in the US?

It's pretty common in the UK these days.

Some people still give you weird glances and awkward pauses when you use it though.

In situations where it doesn't matter (and that's most of them) I've stopped correcting people who assume we're married and I've taken my partner's surname.

It actually makes things easier. If they assume you're married, they generally have no problem talking to you about whatever they called to talk to your partner about. When they find out you're not married, sometimes suddenly you can't be trusted.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#30
post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

a) You might not want to disclose the sex of the other person. b) Some people object against the term 'girl' and 'boy' for grown up people. c) Political reasons, there is a wider variety of relationship permutations than the above 4.

c) There are? Like "Friends with Benefits"?

And beyond. Hope this hotlinked image URL will work: http://oi49.tinypic.com/2pyaow8.jpg
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