I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf] • Hacker News Board

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#111

Post by jmcgough » Sun, Sep 06, 2026, 1:28 AM UTC

noduerme wrote: post #7

As a guy who was never married, has no kids, works from home, and does all the cooking and cleaning while my girlfriend on her days off sleeps and scrolls reddit endlessly on the couch, I'm fairly tired of being underappreciated as well. Marriage and kids aren't the only form of emotional responsibility. But I think that everyone's free to make their own decisions, and I'm pretty sure we make a positive decision to s…

Kind of weird to want to make an essay from 1971 about you. Until 1974, women sometimes weren't allowed to open bank accounts without a husband who could co-sign. There was a massive power imbalance until fairly recently.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#112

Post by noduerme » Sun, Sep 06, 2026, 11:43 AM UTC

jmcgough wrote: post #111

noduerme wrote: post #7

As a guy who was never married, has no kids, works from home, and does all the cooking and cleaning while my girlfriend on her days off sleeps and scrolls reddit endlessly on the couch, I'm fairly tired of being underappreciated as well. Marriage and kids aren't the only form of emotional responsibility. But I think that everyone's free to make their own decisions, and I'm pretty sure we make a positive decision to s…

Kind of weird to want to make an essay from 1971 about you. Until 1974, women sometimes weren't allowed to open bank accounts without a husband who could co-sign. There was a massive power imbalance until fairly recently.

I think the point of the essay was that one shouldn't expect one's partner to be a servant, or remain in a relationship where you're treated unfairly... regardless of what societal construct expects that. Social constructs come and go, but the issue with unbalanced relationships is perennial.

Not "making it about me"... simply transposing it.

Shall we examine your need to scold people, or just leave it written the way you left it?

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#113

Post by graemep » Sun, Sep 06, 2026, 12:08 PM UTC

NoidFonsense wrote: post #30

None of that stuff really seems that difficult or time consuming. I think the danger of being in the position of a stay-at-home mom is that your partner can abandon you at any time and leave you with the full burden and no financial support. I think the problem really stems from a lack of suitable men rather than the role itself

> I think the danger of being in the position of a stay-at-home mom is that your partner can abandon you at any time and leave you with the full burden and no financial support.

Really? Where do you live? Here in the UK if a married couple splits in that situation the stay at home mum (or dad for that matter) would get either half the assets plus spousal maintenance, or (and the courts prefer this to give a "clean break") more than half the assets to make up for the reduced income. The assets include all "marital assets" such as a house, pension funds etc. regardless of whose name they are held in. On top of that there is child maintenance until children are 18. The spouse looking after the children would usually get the marital home until they grow up (after which it might be sold and the proceeds split).

That is not true for unmarried couples (although the government is considering changing the law). However as the article uses the word "wife" I am assuming married. This is really the main reason marriage is a legal status rather than being only a religious or social one.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#114

Post by wojciii » Sun, Sep 06, 2026, 6:28 PM UTC

ndriscoll wrote: post #109

wojciii wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some unpaid work might be character building yes, but what I'm talking about is not. Getting kids will give a guy high fives at work while a woman will be asked if she is going to get any more when looking for work. Also a guy salary will not be set back by 3-5 years of child bearing and it will also reflect badly on a woman's pension saving because exactly of this. While having children is rewarding is not an econom…

Raising children is probably the epitome of character building, self-actualizing work. There are no external stakeholders to motivate you. No one's going to do it for you if you don't. You get out of it exactly what you decide to put in, and you're efforts go purely to something you care about. It is the most important project you can do, and you and your spouse are solely responsible for it. It's not supposed to be…

> It's not supposed to be economically rewarding to have children. It's the reward that economics are meant to enable.

It's not fair that one sex had to pay while the other gets the rewards. This is the situation as I see it now.