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Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

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Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#331

Post by xquce »

xyzelement wrote: post #295
sublinear wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> they were more able to follow family patterns and advice while the "brilliant" person tries to figure out everything from scratch, not able to benefit from the "well trodden paths" that are available You know, sometimes the well-trodden paths are chains worth breaking man. Most families aren't exactly The Brady Bunch. I think we agree that it takes all kinds of people, but you are mischaracterizing what it means to…

I am genuinely curious as to what you think my comment "sounds like" But I don't disagree with your first paragraph. Some well troden paths maybe bad - the trick is to know which ones. Because if you make that fall wrong you end up in a bad state which is what I was talking about.

Almost every reply to your comment points out your example "being smart" with a tired one of family vs work. What people in many other comments here point out that for many familie is just one of many areas in life and can have nothing to do with smarts or happiness.

Is the man abandoning his wife and child to find a better life happier for it, he can be. Has nothing to do with if he used his smarts to arrive at that solution to his unhappiness or resolution.

How many people choose their family based on some calculation where there is a right or wrong answer?

Like an comic said, most people choose their life partner while drunk in a bar (obv local example) but no way you would ever choose which toaster to buy while drunk! The toast have to be just right, doesn't it?

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#333

Post by HexPhantom »

dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

[flagged]

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#334

Post by ShadowOfThePit »

GMoromisato wrote: post #208
bittercynic wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a single and childless person, I don't like the implication that those are marks of a less fulfilling life. I know some people married with kids who seem very happy and fulfilled, and some profoundly miserable and trapped. I may be missing out on some good things, but I'm also avoiding some extreme misery, and generally do feel content and fulfilled.

The thing about having children is that you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them. And then, of course, it's too late. I'm convinced that I would have been happy without children. I would have lived a wonderful life, maybe with a spouse, maybe alone, traveling the world, working on my interests, and generally doing whatever I wanted to do. You don't miss what you never had. But now that I…

It was nice reading this, thanks for sharing

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#335

Post by bharatsuthar »

stasomatic wrote: post #137
xivzgrev wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

how did you make this transition? i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". i don't like being wrong, and it's my go-to ego lick at work, "well bad thing x may have happened, but at least I'm still valued for being smart". it was my label in high school that i've never quite shed. obviously now i have so many more facets - father, husband, leader, writer/reader. Smartness is just raw horsepower, it's what you do…

i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". Is it that you think you are smart, or smarter than the others? Is it about your deeper knowledge about a few specific subjects that interest you but not others? I've been and am in this trap. I think I am not dim. I doubt it's genetic, because I have living relatives, so :) I am smart about USB-C accessories, nobody else cares. They are smart about living their lives to…

Good points. I often think about this and I've come to the conclusion that just because other people don't have deep or niche interests doesn't make them any less smart than me. I lived in a city during my "social learning" phase and then moved back to my village. I realized that people I might have mistakenly categorized as less smart than me are absolutely amazing at things I constantly struggle with. They're street-smart, practical and genuinely content. It blows my mind to see how resilient they are when dealing with personal suffering and natural calamities. They're the perfect example of what Marcus Aurelius calls "living according to nature" in his Meditations.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#336

Post by HexPhantom »

annzabelle wrote: post #107
dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework), and I let that label stick with me for far too long. I took some pride in how I could get the top score in a class without studying, and didn't realize that studying itself was a useful skill. I let this whole mindset drag me down through undergrad (especially once I hit the point where I really ought to have studied), an…

This is painfully familiar. Being able to coast through school can actually delay learning one of the most important skills school is supposed to teach: how to struggle with something for a while without interpreting the struggle as a verdict on your ability

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#337

Post by HexPhantom »

PaulRobinson wrote: post #121
dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

My dad once told me that being smart was a curse in some ways, but he framed it as having a World view that few others had. I think however your take on it is closer: when you're smart, you're told you're smart (both as a positive and as a negative - I was bullied for it), it just becomes part of your self dialogue and identity and it gets in the way. It's taken years of therapy for me to get to the point where I rea…

[dead]

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#338

Post by hirvi74 »

paulpauper wrote: post #165
rootusrootus wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework) Same experience here. I could find just about anything else I wanted to do except homework. Spent all night coding many times. Went to school and aced all the tests, skipped all the homework, did not get good grades as a result. My dad actually arranged a visit with a psychiatrist who did an official IQ test (wooo! I'm a…

This is consistent with the Terman study. The large majority of subjects had productive careers and lives for the follow-up.

You know, except for Luis Alvarez and William Shockley who were deemed too unintelligent to be included in Terman's study. Yet, both of them later went on to independently win Nobel Prizes.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#339

Post by ydat »

alexpotato wrote: post #304
annzabelle wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework), and I let that label stick with me for far too long. I took some pride in how I could get the top score in a class without studying, and didn't realize that studying itself was a useful skill. I let this whole mindset drag me down through undergrad (especially once I hit the point where I really ought to have studied), an…

Also fell into this bucket for a short while. In hindsight, I realized it was b/c I hadn't found subjects in high school that really resonated with me (although HS science was cool). When I got to college I majored in computer science (academics) and discovered paintball (physical/social) and threw myself into both with abandon. I would do my CS homework as soon as it was assigned b/c I just loved solving the problem…

> In hindsight, I realized it was b/c I hadn't found subjects in high school that really resonated with me

My most frustrating experience was barely lazing my way through calculus I could not care about only to be working on a personal project years later where I really wish I paid attention.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#340

Post by HexPhantom »

xyzelement wrote: post #139

I think being smart universally trumps being less smart - but the definition of smart needs to be more encompassing. For example take the stereotype of a brilliant man or woman who neglected family for career, and are forever single and childless forever -- while someone less brilliant just "ends up" with a family and ultimately more fulfilled in life. Superficially this is an example of an average person being happi…

A lot of culture is basically accumulated trial and error
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