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Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

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Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#221

Post by kleiba2 »

sublinear wrote: post #214
GMoromisato wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The thing about having children is that you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them. And then, of course, it's too late. I'm convinced that I would have been happy without children. I would have lived a wonderful life, maybe with a spouse, maybe alone, traveling the world, working on my interests, and generally doing whatever I wanted to do. You don't miss what you never had. But now that I…

> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them While it's less common now, I don't think anyone who grew up in a bigger family under one roof could agree with that. Nothing divine is gatekeeping this experience. It's the socioeconomic climate we've created doing that. It makes perfect sense that you value your family so deeply, but you might want to reconsider where you anchor your pride. It…

> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#222

Post by keiferski »

IME a lot of smart people aim at optimizing for whatever system they find themselves in, rather than questioning that system and asking themselves if it’s actually the life they want.

And so you get an army of very bright people all jumping through the same hoops to achieve the same goals, and half of them are miserable.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#223

Post by dageshi »

basscomm wrote: post #135
irishcoffee wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really isn’t. I haven’t watched the news on tv in probably 20 years, I haven’t had any social media accounts ever, and at this point I use the internet as part of my day job, to do my job. It is absolutely amazing to be so disconnected and I encourage everyone to try it. People at work tell me about interesting things happening in the world, and my role and my spouses role at her job have the (mis) fortune of keep…

> It really isn’t. I haven’t watched the news on tv in probably 20 years It's frequently beneficial to know what's happening in the world around you, even though possessing a sense of empathy can make knowing what's happening in the world around you unpleasant.

I hear this repeated often but I'm not actually sure how or why it's beneficial?

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#224

Post by specproc »

keiferski wrote: post #222

IME a lot of smart people aim at optimizing for whatever system they find themselves in, rather than questioning that system and asking themselves if it’s actually the life they want. And so you get an army of very bright people all jumping through the same hoops to achieve the same goals, and half of them are miserable.

As someone who spends far too much time questioning the system, I often assume the hoop-jumpers are somehow happier. I wonder if life would be easier if I stopped worrying about the big picture.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#225

Post by keiferski »

penguin_booze wrote: post #219

I first came upon this phrase from the movie 'Liberal Arts' (quoting some religious text): For in much wisdom is much grief. And he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.

This is from Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament, and is a book worth reading even if you’re not a Christian or religious at all. (Some of the other books in the Bible are not in that category.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecclesiastes

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#227

Post by kakacik »

al_borland wrote: post #189
annzabelle wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework), and I let that label stick with me for far too long. I took some pride in how I could get the top score in a class without studying, and didn't realize that studying itself was a useful skill. I let this whole mindset drag me down through undergrad (especially once I hit the point where I really ought to have studied), an…

I had a similar experience. My college roommate, within the first week of meeting him, said something like, "you're one of those people who never studies and gets A's aren't you?" I thought back to high school and he wasn't wrong, so I figured I keep it going in college. It didn't work so well and started me off on really weak footing.

Most folks I've seen getting kicked out of university in first 2 years were in this category. High school was easy for them, so they lacked discipline and habits to learn stuff the hard/slow/boring way once topics went complex enough.

In that, and many more regards, I am happy I fall into 'above-average' category and nothing more. Especially memorizing larger texts and poetry wasn't easy (good ol' crappy rota education system in 80s and 90s in eastern Europe). Grit and discipline got me much further in life than those just coasting on natural talents.

Humans really need a bit of struggle to get the best out of us. Not too much, but not too little. One of quiet ways why capitalism on long enough scale outperforms other systems. Sweeping obstacles from life is one of the worst things that parents can do for their kids, regardless if its motivated by pure parental love.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#228

Post by JR1427 »

There's nothing clever about being "smart".

And being smart on its own really should not be seen as any kind of good thing.

Being smart _can_, however, be an enabler to achieving certain positive qualities (helping people, being considerate, being kind). But being smart can also enable negative qualities (exploiting people, being manipulative etc).

I used to think of myself as "smart" (top marks in high school, Oxbridge degree, PhD), but actually now I think I'm probably fairly average in objective intelligence, but I just try and think hard, and work hard.

I'm now surrounded by people that I think are smarter than me, but that doesn't mean I just give up thinking. Sure, it might take me longer to think of something, but that doesn't mean I still can't contribute.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#229

Post by dns_snek »

xyzelement wrote: post #161
bittercynic wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a single and childless person, I don't like the implication that those are marks of a less fulfilling life. I know some people married with kids who seem very happy and fulfilled, and some profoundly miserable and trapped. I may be missing out on some good things, but I'm also avoiding some extreme misery, and generally do feel content and fulfilled.

Thanks for sharing that. Obviously respect your choices on the individual level. The contrast you provided between those who are happy with family and those two seem miserable is in line with what I am saying: it's both 'be smart about what you persue' and 'be smart about how you persue it.' So likely the first group was 'smarter' about who they chose as a spouse and how they set up the life with them than the second…

Many people, including myself, just know that we don't want to have children. Our outcomes won't have the same distribution as those of people who always wanted to have children, no matter how "smart" we are about it.

Another factor is that when you have children and regret it you can suffer a lot more than just "-1" of misery - I'd say the scale is more like -10 to +1 (centered around 0). Furthermore if you end up regretting it you will also inflict some part of that misery onto your children.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#230

Post by [deleted] »

JR1427 wrote: post #228

There's nothing clever about being "smart". And being smart on its own really should not be seen as any kind of good thing. Being smart _can_, however, be an enabler to achieving certain positive qualities (helping people, being considerate, being kind). But being smart can also enable negative qualities (exploiting people, being manipulative etc). I used to think of myself as "smart" (top marks in high school, Oxbri…

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