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Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

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Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#121

Post by PaulRobinson »

dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

My dad once told me that being smart was a curse in some ways, but he framed it as having a World view that few others had.

I think however your take on it is closer: when you're smart, you're told you're smart (both as a positive and as a negative - I was bullied for it), it just becomes part of your self dialogue and identity and it gets in the way.

It's taken years of therapy for me to get to the point where I realised none of that really mattered as much as having great relationships with people I liked, and going for long walks in green spaces and not thinking about anything.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#123

Post by dnlosx »

xivzgrev wrote: post #101
dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

how did you make this transition? i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". i don't like being wrong, and it's my go-to ego lick at work, "well bad thing x may have happened, but at least I'm still valued for being smart". it was my label in high school that i've never quite shed. obviously now i have so many more facets - father, husband, leader, writer/reader. Smartness is just raw horsepower, it's what you do…

My process was a multi-year process of recognizing my vulnerabilities. A couple of things that come to mind.

Meeting and liking people who were really different from me, with mindsets completely different. The kind of people I would previously judge as "dumb" were suddenly teaching things that improved my life. For example, my beliefs are science-oriented, and I am very skeptical, but now I have close friends who are esotericists, and I really enjoy passing time with them.

The book "The Courage To Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Help me a lot to understand myself and my insecurities.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#125

Post by cindyllm »

annzabelle wrote: post #107
dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework), and I let that label stick with me for far too long. I took some pride in how I could get the top score in a class without studying, and didn't realize that studying itself was a useful skill. I let this whole mindset drag me down through undergrad (especially once I hit the point where I really ought to have studied), an…

[dead]

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#126

Post by frickinLasers »

throwaway173738 wrote: post #111
nico wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes accountability is not enough. Medication and therapy might help, as it can be the case with ADHD. Many people with it fit the pattern of “smart but lazy”

In education these kids are termed “twice-exceptional” because they test as gifted but have some kind of disability that makes some things challenging.

I think you might be misreading this person. If the point of homework is to learn the subject, while tests assess your understanding of the subject, why do the homework if you already have a strong grasp on it as soon as the teacher explains it? If the point of doing homework is to keep you busy, there are better things to do with one's childhood. Unless the disability you're referring to is that they never learned how to struggle (because no struggle was offered)...

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#129

Post by jongjong »

You understand that everything which you value about yourself is not what other people value you for. Also, what you value in others also probably isn't an accurate reflection of who they are either. Everything feels hollow, performative, lacking in substance.

Worst of all, your understanding of reality works against you because it's demotivating. It's harder to perform your role when you don't carry any illusions about its true purpose.

It's difficult to be happy when you believe that everything good which happens to you is at someone else's expense and can see a lot of the tricks.

Re: Why aren't smart people happier? (2022)

#130

Post by ColdStream »

dnlosx wrote: post #63

I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy. It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect…

It was Buddhism Monk Ajhan Brahm, before he started down that path he was going down the university path studying theoretical physics. The one thing that stood out to him was just how miserable so many of the smarter people where, and just how much they clung to their ego's and status. There was a moment when it dawned on him "I don't want to be anything like these people!".

Another great one was this by Gen Kelsang Sherab. In his final interview for his music studies they asked something like "How will you pursue this in future?", his response was "I will not, I choose to pursue happiness."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS_swacFLNU

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