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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#731

Post by john_tabernik »

This is an excellent post. I definitely limited my career growth by choosing roles that allowed me to spend more time with my daughters. I did not accomplish the things I wanted to career wise—but a wise person once said “The world does not need more successful people.”

You will likely feel at times like you missed out on career opportunities, and as an ambitious person that will always nag at you. But I believe ambition is a bit of a selfish drive to achieve instead of to serve.

I guess I am just trying to say—you will regret it at times. But you will end up having achieved something for them and yourself that is far more important than anything you could have built in your career. I hope you will look back on your post one day and realize what a great choice you made!

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#732

Post by protocolture »

bwest87 wrote: post #70

I am in nearly the exact same boat as the OP. I'll observe a few things after having 2 kids and running a startup at the same time for a few years... * Your amount of "lost" time with kids is often less than you think. On one side, you very likely socialized more, traveled more, were less disciplined about what you worked on, etc. On another side, some things that you are going to do anyway (dishes, maybe calling you…

>Lastly, while I'm a pretty active dad myself, I reject the premise put forth here that your job is to maximize the time spent with your kids, as if this is the main metric by which parenting success should be judged. Just no. Actively no.

Kinda disagree. My Kids 3 mind, so apples:oranges. But something I keep reminding my wife about, whenever she feels like shes failed, is that childhood outcomes are strongly correlated to parental involvement and interest at this age. 2 active, interested parents is a huge advantage over 1, and 1 is a huge advantage over 0. Just the time we both spend with him, engaged in conversation or reading books, has already paid massive dividends, and we can see that he just soaks it all up like a sponge. Wont be that way forever, he will eventually find better interaction with peers. But right now its a massive force multiplier, and we only get one shot at it.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#733

Post by oivaksef »

In case the author of this reads this - on your death bed you will look back at this time and regret not spending _more_ time with your kids.

Being ambitious on both fronts means you are running at 200%.

Life will normalise that for you whether you like it or not.

They will be gone soon. Stop optimizing for both. It's dada time.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#735

Post by nullorempty »

Arodex wrote: post #303
nullorempty wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

True, but try being a dad to 14 kids in today's world.

He's having kids only to satisfy his eugenist, white supremacist kink. He doesn't care about them and even hate them if they stray out of his worldview - just ask Vivian.

Nothing wrong with wishing your own kind to continue.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#736

Post by b1gTekken »

Noted that aside from Einstein most of the others were just engaged in shallow FOMO business building; cars, computers, business as usual.

Numerous other options to solve those problems existed.

The return on their mechanical investment and abandonment of their kids, from a STEM context, was meaningless; it's all been superseded by better modern solutions. They were engaged in meager iterative improvement and social moat building.

Einstein is the only one whose contribution will be discussed in another century.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#737

Post by [deleted] »

jareklupinski wrote: post #715
afavour wrote: post #563

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I agree with everything you say... I'd sure like to earn more money. It would make my life better and my kid's lives better. The surest path to achieving that is to be ambitious in the workplace. It's something I find myself constantly conflicted on.

> a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. > I'd sure like to earn more money. i heard a lyric a while back about being "unhappy with the riches, cuz you're p**-poor morally" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koVHN6eO4Xg

[deleted]

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#738

Post by ColdStream »

leoedin wrote: post #356
ColdStream wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I appreciate the intention you and others are bringing. Not to be defeatist, but I do wonder how much of trying to set it straight sticks long term? People have been trying to straighten things out for millennia and we are still in this predicament. That isn't to say, don't try. It is to say, don't cling to an out come.

The old "I won't raise my kids like my parents raised me" problem, which inevitably seems to lead to raising kids with a different set of grievances and unresolved issues. I realised it was a lost cause when I realised that literally everyone I knew had some sort of "my parents are imperfect and it's broken me somehow" story. I think it might just be part of the human condition to grow up and realise your parents wer…

Yeah, most people are just trying to make it day to day doing their best. We are flawed but that is what make it fun.

There is also just a matter of randomness.

Marcus Aurelius was considered one of the great emperors of Rome with a fairly level head considering his position. It seems like he would have been an idea parent, so when his son Commodus came a long as almost the total opposite. It says something about human nature, it cannot be contained at times.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#739

Post by alanwreath »

ptoo wrote: post #286
alanwreath wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean: siblings. Not to discount that it’s great when you play with your kids, but it’s different when your kids play together, and in particular when you can’t play that they have someone to interact with.

Not only do they play but they also learn to care for each other. Parental effort doesn't increase uniformly with each child – if you're lucky and have done a good job parenting them, children create a society and help with raising each other.

This is the take I pursue in my home, everyone is doing a see one, do one, teach one. There are still struggles around it but consistency makes the conversations shorter and more effective.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#740

Post by alanwreath »

kakacik wrote: post #318
marttt wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, the group dynamics of, say, a family with two children: 1. Kid A plays with Kid B 2. Kid A plays alone and Kid B plays alone As compared to a three-child household: 1. Kids A, B and C play together 2. Kid A plays with Kid B, Kid C plays alone 3. Kid A plays with Kid C, Kid B plays alone 4. Kid B plays with Kid C, Kid A plays alone 5. Kid A, Kid B and Kid C all play alone So, in a bigger family, many more commun…

I disagree, when looking at 3-kids setup out there in the world. Ie my wife comes from such, she is the oldest and all 3 follow the typical 3 kids pattern - oldest was pushed into most responsibility to the point of trauma, middle one feels unappreciated and has inferiority complex as middle ones often do, and youngest is by huge margin the most spoiled one. This is the default for 3 kids that many parents end up wit…

There are so many stereotypes involved in this that it may be hard to believe but at least I know I have caught myself repeating the stereotype almost to a T (especially with regard to the oldest being worked so hard or, as I would put it, constantly on the hardest jobs).

That said it does help that it’s a stereotype/generalization/trope that I’m aware of because I get to take that as part of my feedback loop to make the attempt to iterate around the negative aspects you’ve pointed out.

I think I’m doing better - I’ll know if my kids still talk to me after they move out.

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