Being ambitious and being a dad

I used to think that it was hard to make the decision to have kids, but somehow now it feels harder to make the decision to not have them. I am at the age that people around me have kids ranging from new borns to young adults (and somebody is always pregnant). Having kids is totally normalized. I socialize a lot in childrens parties. Kids schedules determine what we can do with friends most of the time. I am often the babysitter and take care of other peoples children.

When I was growing up I thought everyone had kids (I guess I only socialized with families with kids). This was my future. As a young adult making the jump to having kids seemed like a big decision, but with hindsight that looks like following the default path. Now that there is growing amount of people like me with no kids I am wondering what life should look like. I lack the rolemodels.

I have witnessed my friends grow a lot in short time period when they have a kid. At first it’s a bit jarring how baby takes over their life. I think it is super cool and all of them say that it is an unique experience they can’t really explain.

By the time kid hits maybe 10 years old they have adjusted and interaction with them is pretty normal again from my perspective.

At the same time I feel I have also grown at my own pace. I don’t feel totally out of sync with my grown up parent friends although I must say I can be bit more lighthearted and experimental with my life. The stakes are low. It is not like I think life is about career or hedonistic pursuits anymore. I don’t want to live the life of a 30 year old. I value being part of society, socially present and giving. Enjoying simple things and seeing beauty in the world.

In a way my life looks like that of an empty nester, but without the prospect of seeing my child building a life for themselves, having grand children etc. Feels like a big decision I have done for my future self.

kids are rough before.... 3y. especially in the "wriggling sacks of flesh" stage. you look at this larva and youre like 'wtf did i get myself into?'

Once they start doing extracurriculars, and learning skills, and developing talents, then something starts to click. for me at least.

things got REALLY fun when they started to also enjoy things i liked.

Agree 100%. I often tell expecting parents "All the hard stuff they tell you about; the sleep loss, the stress, the cost... All that stuff is true. But there's also all this amazing stuff they don't tell you about, which is also true."

> why must we choose between having a great career and being a great parent. Why is it a zero-sum game?

I had basically this exact conversation with a close family member, who sees having children as being forced to give up on her dreams of being a writer forever, which I just don't get (she's already written and released 4 novels which have made some decent money, just not enough to do it fulltime, and still has a day job in marketing that makes good money).

For a little while it will likely mean a shift in focus, sure, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on something forever. I've mostly taken a break from designing games the past couple of years (unrelated to children, just not as motivated lately, there's so many great board games out there already I'm trying to just enjoy playing them for a while), but I haven't totally given up on being a game designer (plus I've already released several games in the past, that can't be taken away from me, even if basically no one is still playing those games nowadays).

Plus children could also help enrich your life experience that lead to further inspiration for your creative efforts anyway, especially since it seems like the adult life experience society encourages nowadays seems to be sit in front of a computer all day for a day job, sit in front of a computer all evening for side hustle, get takeout, doomscroll/tv for a bit before going to sleep, repeat.

4 kids, 4 companies, let’s go!

Claude Code fits my lifestyle.

Just believe! And accept constant stress as a good thing.