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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#521

Post by Gareth321 »

Forgeties79 wrote: post #442
Gareth321 wrote: post #266

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I'm well travelled. Have had a very fun and satisfying dating life. A great career. Accomplished many life goals. Nothing comes close to fatherhood. Which frustrates me immensely, because I feel that society at large did everything it could to convince me that parenthood is terrible. Movies and TV shows portrayed only the bad. Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world. A w…

> Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world That’s…unhealthy and unusual.

I think they were trying to scare us into not having sex. Or at least having protected sex. Either way, they made all the kids watch videos about teen pregnancy and how it would ruin our lives. They also repeated it frequently in sex education. They focused on how terrible it was to have children. The struggles, etc. I suppose it is difficult for teens to understand nuance, but it certainly left a fairly grim impression of parenthood on all of us. Was it different for you?

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#522

Post by AlexandrB »

ron_woods wrote: post #503

Sorry if this offends anyone but why must we choose between having a great career and being a great parent. Why is it a zero-sum game? Want to be great at something neglect your children to do so. Want to be a great parent, fine you have a mediocre career. From the article you are ambitious about building things. Well guess what children are, the ultimate piece of clay from which you get a front row seat to mold. If…

> Why is it a zero-sum game?

Not to be flippant, but it's a zero-sum game because time is finite.

I think you know this too since the following paragraphs describe you making this tradeoff yourself.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#523

Post by Daneel_ »

enjrolas wrote: post #273
alphabeta3r56 wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?

As a parent, I get to give you The Most Infuriating Answer: once you have kids, you'll understand.

Also as a parent, I still don't understand. I have two kids and regret it. They suck all the time and energy from my life. I give my all to be a great parent to them, and I would never let them know that I regret having kids, but if I could wind the clock back I almost certainly would. I feel like I'm throwing the most valuable years of my life in a wood chipper.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#524

Post by leonidasrup »

In the article, then named figures in technology (Paul Graham, DHH, Jeff Dean, even Mark Zuckerberg) who are classified as great fathers and great achievers all succeeded before having kids. Who succeeded after having kids and was at the same time great father?

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#525

Post by camdenreslink »

crassus_ed wrote: post #291
katzgrau wrote: post #59

YC reject so I bootstrapped and was thankfully able to hit profitability before my first kid showed up. I’ve now got two. I also have dreams bigger than ever. In fact, writing this while sitting on the couch with the kids watching Muppet Treasure Island while my kids are wearing pirate hats and waving foam swords. I’m still extremely productive and prolific. Probably less compared with before. But before, I had frien…

So you're basically a machine that spends their time working and taking care of your children? This feels like a one-way ticket to a burnout.

This is basically what my life is like (going on 9 years now). I don't think it has necessarily led to burnout for me. Keep in mind that time spent with your children isn't all work. There is some fun and leisure in there as well (although it is a lot of work too).

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#527

Post by colechristensen »

gardenhedge wrote: post #489
colechristensen wrote: post #214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most "good for your health" advice is pop culture driven with a half life of 5 years anyway and breakfast being the most important meal of the day is a marketing slogan. In other words, no better than any various convention. About the only things that stick are "don't stop physical and mental activity as you age" and "do stuff in moderation". If you call it "intermittent fasting" and write a book about it, you can ge…

High protein breakfast is the easiest way to hit a protein goal

"hitting a protein goal" being one of the current health fads I'm talking about

surely the natural response here will be about how important, healthy, and real this particular fad is. same as all the other health fads everyone would talk about for the last hundred years

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#528

Post by lordnacho »

faeyanpiraat wrote: post #440
spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I kinda agree with you but Could you please elaborate on “ having kids does all the good things in life at once” as I dont see how is that so straightforward. I’m actually currently really conflicted on the idea whether I want or dont want kids.

It's not a cost-benefit calculation. You just do it because you do it and you wouldn't be you if you didn't.

Hard to put in words. And yes, you will feel like "WTF why did I do this" at times. A lot of people have parents who will remind them that they could have had an easy life instead. I try not say that even though I think it too.

I could sell you some fluff about being part of a continuity or the reward it brings, but it's post hoc rationalisation.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#529

Post by jonners00 »

usrme wrote: post #344
jonners00 wrote: post #259

I once bumped into a couple of very high profile VCs sitting outside a coffee shop. Somehow the conversation got round to the fact that we were potty training our 12-month-old. One of the VCs told me their two kids, 2 and 3 years old, weren't yet out of nappies, just used pull-ups, because there hadn't been time to potty train them. There are reasons why this could have been legit (failed attempts, developmentally ch…

I've seen something similar with regards to neglecting child development, but instead of nappies, they're just not fed properly. People who have more disposable income than I could imagine, but are strapped for time, feed their children the simplest, most low effort food imaginable. Think a cheeseburger from McDonald's, plain pasta or bread, frosted flakes, etc. Their excuse is that their child won't eat anything els…

I remember being shocked by the carelessness of (some of) the wealthy in this regard when I first became friends with (newly) rich people in lines of work where you couldn't be too precious about ethics (finance, property, music, film, TV). Feeding kids cereal for their evening meals before heading out for dinner. Unopened shopping hauls cluttering the hallway for days or weeks with the packaging from the items that have actually been opened littering the carpet. Broken or unused tech and toys everywhere. Single items of laundry getting emergency washes while actual laundry just piles up. Domestic help getting requisitioned to do random errands instead of getting on top of their actual duties. Prestige cars scraped and ticketed. Pets loitering hopefully by the fridge. Beautiful, enormous homes in chaos. Drugs not usually a contributing factor, just a kind of grasping selfishness that made both chores and children an unwanted demand. Depressing.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#530

Post by Daneel_ »

psim1 wrote: post #484

I felt successful before I had kids. Satisfying, upward-moving career; happy marriage; lots of travel; volunteering in multiple organizations. I liked all these things, succeeded in them, people liked me, etc. As a dad, I feel like a total loser. All of the aforementioned are diminished or put entirely on hold (travel, most volunteering). I'm medicore at everything, except parenting, in which I am successful at keepi…

I fully empathise. It feels like my career went from upwards to a horizontal line. I have far less energy for work, for learning, and for the things I'm interested in. It's incredibly demoralising. I dread weekends and look forward to school drop-offs - what kind of life is that?
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