Being ambitious and being a dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#491

Post by Tade0 » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:22 PM UTC

roarcher wrote: post #399

Tade0 wrote: post #386

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Life is full of such gambles and it's inevitable. Anyone who drives risks their life more than they risk having a special needs child at reasonably non-late age. We just brush off most such gambles because: 1. People have a terrible intuition for probabilities. 2. If it were better, they would go insane.

I agree. I'm saying that "just have kids younger" isn't a good solution to the risks of developmental defects, because it's usually merely a trade of that risk for a different one.

My intuition is that taking too long to select a partner carries the same risk.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#492

Post by annie_muss » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:23 PM UTC

The thought of having kids brings up really complex feelings for me. I feel like the biological clock is ticking louder and louder and yet I barely have a career to speak of. I live with the constant burden of ADHD and have always struggled to hold down a job. The optimist in me thinks that maybe things will improve in the future and I should just take the plunge and figure things out. The pessimist worries that I'm already at capacity just waking up, cooking, cleaning for myself and kids would push me over the edge.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#493

Post by OvervCW » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:23 PM UTC

mysterydip wrote: post #485

faeyanpiraat wrote: post #440

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I kinda agree with you but Could you please elaborate on “ having kids does all the good things in life at once” as I dont see how is that so straightforward. I’m actually currently really conflicted on the idea whether I want or dont want kids.

I was on the fence for a long time as well. It just looked like a lot of work. And not to sugar coat it, it _is_ a lot of work. But it’s also been so rewarding. You get to see someone experience things for the first time, like riding a bike or eating a tomato. Teaching them it’s ok to have feelings, helping them overcome their fears, watching them make friends. Giving them the advice I wished I had heard from someone…

Surely a lot of this can be experienced by associating with parents and their children rather than having them yourself, right?

This may sound somewhat reductive, and please correct me if that is the case, but I find that I can be around and play with my nephew and experience all of this wonder and how he progresses through life, while not being around for the sleepless nights and tantrums that I feel are the "work" part of being a parent.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#494

Post by lo_fye » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:23 PM UTC

Nailed it.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#495

Post by suriyaG » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:24 PM UTC

Maybe I just suck at accounting or productivity

but having a child actually rejuvenates me to do more. yes I probably staring at the screen less number of hours per day, becuase I have children. But I wouldn't say I was doing 10X as much as when I was a bachelor. there is only so much effective work you can get done in a day before you're out of ideas and need sleep or break. playing for 2 hours with my kid gets me fresh and kicking no matter how badly my day sucked.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#496

Post by bluebarbet » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:26 PM UTC

Derbasti wrote: post #252

marssaxman wrote: post #32

The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear from a young age, and I knew that I was going to need every scrap of energy I could spare for the work I wanted to do. Ye…

> The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.

It's said by lots of people every time this subject comes up, it's obviously true, but IMO it's also a little tautological. I read it as essentially: "I created a massive problem to solve, and here I am successfully solving it." Of course it's meaningful. Of course it's significant.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#497

Post by bennyp101 » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:28 PM UTC

I think having kids has made me more ambitious than I was before, certainly recently. One has some extra needs, that have come to light over the last few years, so I've spent most evenings and the odd weekend over the last 2 years trying to build something that I'm hoping will help with that.

Always had ideas to build things before, and they kinda fizzled out, but recent developments have made me realise that I have to be ambitious right now, that doesn't mean taking time away from them, just time away from me.

So in a weird way, they have encouraged me to be ambitious by just being themselves.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#498

Post by yulker » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:28 PM UTC

Gareth321 wrote: post #269

dyarosla wrote: post #227

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kind of a strong statement there. Happy that fasting’s had such a positive influence on your life but: No: fasting has not been proven to extend lifespan in humans. Also no: exercise has been far more provably correlated with healthspan improvements than fasting.

You are more correct, but I think the truth lies somewhere between your statement and theirs. We have correlative evidence that lower calorie diets and/or fasting results in longer lifespans, improved insulin sensitivity, pancreatic cell responsiveness, blood pressure, oxidative-stress measures, and more, in humans. We also have animal testing showing causative evidence that fasting produces longer lifespans. Of cour…

Nit: Humans are animals, but those animals were not humans

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#499

Post by patates » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:29 PM UTC

Be ambitious to be happy.

The trick is not making it about being very productive, but productive "enough".

Elon and many others act like if not everyone is giving it their 110%, the world will be doomed, however the world is full of communities that otherwise were living happily getting destroyed by 110ers.

If you accept your (and everyone elses) insignificance, focus on your community, and just try to be compatible with your kids or colleagues or random people on the street , while at the same keeping your ability to reject judgement, life gets much easier.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#500

Post by graemep » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 1:29 PM UTC

afc wrote: post #292

Gareth321 wrote: post #266

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I'm well travelled. Have had a very fun and satisfying dating life. A great career. Accomplished many life goals. Nothing comes close to fatherhood. Which frustrates me immensely, because I feel that society at large did everything it could to convince me that parenthood is terrible. Movies and TV shows portrayed only the bad. Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world. A w…

Interesting perspective. Your first paragraph also describes my experience, perfectly. However, even though I also think nothing comes even close to parenthood for me, my perspective is that society strongly encourages —I'd even say strongly pressures— people to have kids, to feel that if you don't, it's almost like something is wrong with you. Maybe we're just different generations? :-)

Different generations, different places, exactly where you are in your society, religious influences, your immediate social circle, how much time you spend on social media....

Certainly in the UK there is a group of people who have become very negative about having kids, partly because they are scared of the expense, and partly because society makes it look so hard, and partly because they genuinely have less support.