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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#481

Post by pllbnk »

tuomas7 wrote: post #465

I have a positive look on this. Most successful people I know have much higher number of children than the average. Unicorn and decacorn founders with 2-5 kids, every single one I know. I think it's the energy and desire to live a rich fulfilling life. Building a company was part of it, but at least for me, family is ever greater fulfillment. From where I can see, all are still together with their kids parent and see…

The author talked about conventionally successful people such as Musk with roughly a few dozen children, but that doesn't make them good parents.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#482

Post by jimmar »

I like the sentiment from Hitchens that we choose our regrets. Being an absent father was not something I was willing to regret. I know it has cost me some degree of earning potential and career progression. I wouldn't change anything.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#483

Post by kakacik »

katzgrau wrote: post #375
crassus_ed wrote: post #291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you're basically a machine that spends their time working and taking care of your children? This feels like a one-way ticket to a burnout.

I love my work and I love playing with the kids so it can be exhausting but in a good way. Never a drag (not usually anyway). Super thoughtful consistent schedule with little room for anything else is my tradeoff if I want to maintain high quantity of high quality output with my business. And TBH, it lasts for 15-18 years at most. I didn’t mention the weekends - those are more of a free for all. Lots of family time,…

Burnouts often happen to passionate people who love their work. There are hard limits that conscious part of the mind simply ignores, with laser/tubular focus on whatever is the drive.

For example nurses (both male and female) during WWI - worked themselves to mental breakdowns because there was endless stream of properly suffering people to help or even save. One can't have much more noble goal. Yet hard burnouts kept happening.

I don't want to sound all gloomy since I know nothing about your situation. Just listen to your body and mind, it keeps telling things in subtle ways, not a good idea to ignore that.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#484

Post by psim1 »

I felt successful before I had kids. Satisfying, upward-moving career; happy marriage; lots of travel; volunteering in multiple organizations. I liked all these things, succeeded in them, people liked me, etc.

As a dad, I feel like a total loser. All of the aforementioned are diminished or put entirely on hold (travel, most volunteering). I'm medicore at everything, except parenting, in which I am successful at keeping my kids alive and safe and healthy, but not in satisfying their desires. In that I am totally inadequate.

I expected that I would have to put "my" life largely on hold when we had kids and instead of the satisfaction I got from the pre-kid things, would enjoy the satisfaction of raising happy children. To have neither is demoralizing and I'm constantly looking for the critical thing that will improve the child-raising experience. And no, waiting it out for the kids to grow up is not the answer!

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#485

Post by mysterydip »

faeyanpiraat wrote: post #440
spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I kinda agree with you but Could you please elaborate on “ having kids does all the good things in life at once” as I dont see how is that so straightforward. I’m actually currently really conflicted on the idea whether I want or dont want kids.

I was on the fence for a long time as well. It just looked like a lot of work. And not to sugar coat it, it _is_ a lot of work. But it’s also been so rewarding. You get to see someone experience things for the first time, like riding a bike or eating a tomato. Teaching them it’s ok to have feelings, helping them overcome their fears, watching them make friends. Giving them the advice I wished I had heard from someone I trusted growing up. And a million other things. And the hug and kiss at night with “I love you daddy” can’t be replicated.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#486

Post by bluecheese452 »

faeyanpiraat wrote: post #440
spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I kinda agree with you but Could you please elaborate on “ having kids does all the good things in life at once” as I dont see how is that so straightforward. I’m actually currently really conflicted on the idea whether I want or dont want kids.

It is an absolute ton of work and is absolutely worth it for me.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#487

Post by Aurornis »

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

> The chance of validation from others

I feel like this is missing the point about why people in these situations are ambitious. Some are looking for external validation and jealousy from their peers. Most just want to be able to provide well for their families and get a point of having enough in the bank that the future feels secure.

As a parent, the feeling of having enough in my career to have the financial stability and career options to ensure that my kids are always taken care of and can go to any education path they want without worrying about finances is huge. Knowing that I can retire young enough to spend a lot of time with them is also huge. It took a lot of ambition and hard work to get here, but I was never doing it for external validation.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#488

Post by Aurornis »

amouat wrote: post #421
spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I don't disagree, except that you've taken ambitious to mean climbing the corporate ladder, which is a relatively narrow reading. It can also mean wanting a achieve a large dream or goal e.g. writing a book.

Or the dream of financial security and early retirement, which are both highly valuable in the context of having a family.

I couldn’t care less about the external validation part of it or my job title.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#489

Post by gardenhedge »

colechristensen wrote: post #214
MeetingsBrowser wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social and historical conventions don’t necessarily align with “good for your health”.

Most "good for your health" advice is pop culture driven with a half life of 5 years anyway and breakfast being the most important meal of the day is a marketing slogan. In other words, no better than any various convention. About the only things that stick are "don't stop physical and mental activity as you age" and "do stuff in moderation". If you call it "intermittent fasting" and write a book about it, you can ge…

High protein breakfast is the easiest way to hit a protein goal
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