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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#431

Post by flkiwi »

Jtarii wrote: post #415
flkiwi wrote: post #389

First, I respect anyone’s choice not to be a parent. It’s constant, demanding work, far more intense than any job I’ve ever had as a baseline. Second, this is the third time in two days I’ve seen some variation on “I dreamed of doing something significant and never wanted kids.” That’s a wild construction. Having kids is incredibly significant, and more world-changing than most of us will ever do. Having kids didn’t…

>Having kids is incredibly significant, and more world-changing than most of us will ever do This is a strange thing to say. Where does the "world changing" part come from, is it just in the parent's head? Or are you expecting it to be in the actions of your children? Surely your parents would have also done something "world changing" by having you, which implies that your existence is already world changing. Maybe t…

Creating a sentient person and equipping him or her to exist in and affect the world is by definition world changing, and to a far greater and more sustained degree than almost any entrepreneurial activity. The usual construct is “I thought I knew what was important until I had kids,” which I have historically actually been uncomfortable with (because imho being a good parent is as much about being fully you than putting on a parent uniform), but what’s notable about the meditations on the topic I’ve seen in the last couple of days is the persistence in bifurcating “something of significance” from “having children”, as if the writers never quite accept that having kids is significant. I fully accept that people have wildly different ideas about having kids, but it’s odd (to me) to not see parenthood as at least as significant as starting a business.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#432

Post by doginasuit »

Personal ambition is often a poor signal for living your life because it tends to have an arbitrary and empty goal, being successful or powerful or wealthy just for the sake of it. It will be a struggle and never feel like enough, each milestone is as arbitrary as the last.

The people I have known who were the most grounded, happiest, productive, and fulfilled all understood their lives on some level to be in service of something that has value to more than just themselves. That can be being a mom or dad, furthering the knowledge of humanity, serving your community, it can be anything that you recognize as greater than yourself.

It brings you into contact with other people who share the same goal. It is a stronger fuel than personal ambition, and one that doesn't leave you empty along the way.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#434

Post by ramesh31 »

xyzelement wrote: post #426

I was thinking lately how lucky I am to have gotten good guidance from my parents and grandparents that oriented me well to life and work. I think this is / used to be more commonly understood or maybe just seems that way. Ambition and drive are important but there's an important "so what" there as well. Am I aimlessly ambitious or am I ambitious for the sake of being able to support my family and make a significant…

I think men in this day and age have been hoodwinked just as much as women when it comes to the career vs. family debate. For a man there is truly nothing more important in life than having a family and providing for them. It is what we are evolutionarily tuned towards and anything short of it will leave you empty and hollow. There's a desperate longing for fulfillment and meaning among our generation that a lifetime of being told "having kids = dead dreams" has left us confused and lost as to how to achieve. But having them makes it crystal clear what you were put on this earth to do, and nothing comes close in the realm of professional success to that feeling of meaning and purpose.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#435

Post by criddell »

enjrolas wrote: post #273
alphabeta3r56 wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?

As a parent, I get to give you The Most Infuriating Answer: once you have kids, you'll understand.

I'd modify that to once you have kids, you might understand. It's for sure not a given and there are a lot of really terrible people out there who probably shouldn't have the kids they do.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#436

Post by Jtarii »

inigyou wrote: post #383
ColdStream wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And I say this as someone who is very in favor of having kids and who worries about the looming population collapse in all developed countries. Complete aside, I hope that this happens via the demographic collapse and not due to resource/environmental blow back. It would be the smoothest path down. In the same way that inflation is a smoother way to grow a pool of poverty.

Demographic collapse is happening due to resource/environmental blowback, but many of the resources in question are artificial ones like money and jobs.

Demographic collapse is happening because women finally have the choice to have fewer or no children and can have them later in life due to career options.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#437

Post by code51 »

amouat wrote: post #421
spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I don't disagree, except that you've taken ambitious to mean climbing the corporate ladder, which is a relatively narrow reading. It can also mean wanting a achieve a large dream or goal e.g. writing a book.

Or the dream of keeping a stable job.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#438

Post by rTX5CMRXIfFG »

enjrolas wrote: post #273
alphabeta3r56 wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?

As a parent, I get to give you The Most Infuriating Answer: once you have kids, you'll understand.

You can say that about any life experience, and those who do shouldn’t even be chiming in discussions

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#439

Post by Jtarii »

inigyou wrote: post #384
funnygiraffe wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For that particular issue you can improve your "gambling" odds by having kids at a younger age, rather than waiting until you've optimized your career and environment.

I wonder how much of that is because people who are autistic (for example) find love later, and then pass down their autism.

Almost everyone are having children later.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#440

Post by faeyanpiraat »

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

I kinda agree with you but Could you please elaborate on “ having kids does all the good things in life at once” as I dont see how is that so straightforward. I’m actually currently really conflicted on the idea whether I want or dont want kids.
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