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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#261

Post by vickychijwani »

timc3 wrote: post #258
Arubis wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Raising kids is fabulous experience for management. If you can convince a five-year-old that greens are tasty, you can motivate almost anyone.

Having been on the receiving end of someone trying to manage me like they do with their kids - No. A really strong NO to that behaviour.

That just tells us the person wasn’t a good parent either. Your comment assumes the only way to parent is to manipulate, patronize, etc. That’s just one perspective though.

There are other ways to parent that are actually fantastic management training - figuring out how to think from another human’s POV, acknowledge their frustrations, help them build the skills to handle their feelings, etc.

It turns out great parenting is to a first degree about great relationship skills.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#262

Post by dmje »

protocolture wrote: post #257
dmje wrote: post #209

Be a parent, ffs. And be it, 100%. Be it 500%. Having kids is easily and by a huge distance the very best thing you can “build”. It’s the best project you’ll ever make. If you can find a way to run a cool thing on the side then great. I’ve been lucky, or something, and I have. And I love it. But my kids are a trillion times more important. And now they’re 21 and 19 I can live knowing that I’ve launched the best coupl…

How much did you sell them for? Kidding, I largely agree with what you have said, my 3 year old is amazing. Teaching him big words and concepts brings me a huge amount of joy.

Ha :-)

3 is fun. They get better and better I reckon!

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#263

Post by WalterBright »

somenameforme wrote: post #240
reillyse wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find it funny that I spent my 20s and 30s doing everything in my power to avoid having kids and at this stage in my life I’m doing everything to have kids. I do feel that 30 year old me would definitely be in better shape to chase kids around.

100% on this. In my life I have 0 regrets except not having kids younger. I was never especially fond of kids, but it turns I out love my own more than I imagined possible, and have more fun with them I ever thought I would! I only wish we could have many more but given when we started, the odds of having more than 2 are very low. The amount of joy and life they bring to you and to your house is something you can't r…

> I was never especially fond of kids, but it turns I out love my own more than I imagined possible, and have more fun with them I ever thought I would!

That's because we're designed to have kids.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#264

Post by WalterBright »

computerdork wrote: post #157
voidmain0001 wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. I’m an old dad. I realized two years ago that to keep up with my pre-teens I had to change my lifestyle. For me that meant cutting out alcohol, not eating processed foods, avoiding sugar, reduced caffeine, way more protein and doing calisthenics. I sleep well and I have energy. I just have to keep this up for 10 more years when my youngest will be 21, then I can die. ;-)

Haha! Very interesting life goal - When your dependents have sucked all the life out of you, you can kick the bucket:) (And am sure it’s worth it)

> When your dependents have sucked all the life out of you, you can kick the bucket:)

Don't laugh, there's a reason for it. Read the book "The Red Queen" which explains all this.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#265

Post by karmakurtisaani »

Derbasti wrote: post #252
marssaxman wrote: post #32

The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear from a young age, and I knew that I was going to need every scrap of energy I could spare for the work I wanted to do. Ye…

> The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.

I feel like when young people think they want to do significant and meaningful things, they think about things that will make them famous in one way or another. Most of such things are neither significant nor meaningful.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#266

Post by Gareth321 »

Derbasti wrote: post #252
marssaxman wrote: post #32

The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear from a young age, and I knew that I was going to need every scrap of energy I could spare for the work I wanted to do. Ye…

> The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.

Agreed. I'm well travelled. Have had a very fun and satisfying dating life. A great career. Accomplished many life goals. Nothing comes close to fatherhood.

Which frustrates me immensely, because I feel that society at large did everything it could to convince me that parenthood is terrible. Movies and TV shows portrayed only the bad. Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world. A wide range of celebrities spend their days posting about how amazing it is to be without children.

I accept that there are some parents out there who regret their decision, but research shows them to be a vanishingly small minority. The VAST majority of parents report greater meaning, more love, personal growth, enjoyment, fulfillment, etc. Something has become quite sick in modern society when we provide such an imbalanced and untrue message to young people.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#267

Post by jongjong »

ColdStream wrote: post #175
jongjong wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. Before I became a dad, I didn't realize how physically and financially constrained people are with regards to number of kids that they have. For me and my wife, our first child took all our time, resources and energy. This was a shock to me because my parents had 4 children and never seemed to struggle. Also, they were much better off than me financially and could afford to hire help. My biggest achievement as a…

I appreciate the intention you and others are bringing. Not to be defeatist, but I do wonder how much of trying to set it straight sticks long term? People have been trying to straighten things out for millennia and we are still in this predicament. That isn't to say, don't try. It is to say, don't cling to an out come.

The outcome I'm clinging to is freedom. Until I have that, nothing else matters.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#268

Post by vickychijwani »

colechristensen wrote: post #214
MeetingsBrowser wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social and historical conventions don’t necessarily align with “good for your health”.

Most "good for your health" advice is pop culture driven with a half life of 5 years anyway and breakfast being the most important meal of the day is a marketing slogan. In other words, no better than any various convention. About the only things that stick are "don't stop physical and mental activity as you age" and "do stuff in moderation". If you call it "intermittent fasting" and write a book about it, you can ge…

Agreed. This view also makes sense if we look at pre-agriculture humans - they’d eat heartily when there’s a good catch, maybe eat some leftovers the next day, go without food for some time, etc. Evolution by natural selection doesn’t move fast enough for humans to have adapted strongly to a fixed 3 meals a day schedule by now; eating times are still very much a convention.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#269

Post by Gareth321 »

dyarosla wrote: post #227
jawilson2 wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Intermittent fasting and calorie reduction are the only known way to EXTEND lifespan and wellness. 10 years of low carb + fasting is the single most important health decision I have ever made.

Kind of a strong statement there. Happy that fasting’s had such a positive influence on your life but: No: fasting has not been proven to extend lifespan in humans. Also no: exercise has been far more provably correlated with healthspan improvements than fasting.

You are more correct, but I think the truth lies somewhere between your statement and theirs. We have correlative evidence that lower calorie diets and/or fasting results in longer lifespans, improved insulin sensitivity, pancreatic cell responsiveness, blood pressure, oxidative-stress measures, and more, in humans. We also have animal testing showing causative evidence that fasting produces longer lifespans. Of course, animals are not humans, and correlation does not imply causation. Still, we do not currently have causative evidence that smoking causes lung cancer, and we widely agree that that is harmful for lungs. With enough correlative evidence I think it becomes reasonable to accept it as actionable evidence.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#270

Post by alphabeta3r56 »

Derbasti wrote: post #252
marssaxman wrote: post #32

The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear from a young age, and I knew that I was going to need every scrap of energy I could spare for the work I wanted to do. Ye…

> The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.

Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful.

Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?

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