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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#31

Post by luqtas »

mholt wrote: post #5

"Be ambitious enough to be an ambitious dad." - agreed! Being an ambitious dad IS exhausting. And the successful people telling you that you can't be a present, ambitious dad and be successful -- that you have to trade successful fatherhood for professional success -- are weak. They are not heroes. The real heroes are the ones ambitiously raising the next generation while changing the world right now. That's what I a…

> The real heroes are the ones ambitiously raising the next generation while changing the world right now.

so pedagogy and psychology researchers? giving that having biological children is the worst ecological offense someone can do in an ever increasing worldwide population? [0] how about adopting and getting into voluntary programs or even do pro-social things with your money?

giving birth on the current societal status-quo not only screws with the future of our own specie but also a bunch of others which may go extinct because of our greed

[0] https://iopscience.iop.org/article/10.1088/1748-9326/aa7541/...

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#32

Post by marssaxman »

The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear from a young age, and I knew that I was going to need every scrap of energy I could spare for the work I wanted to do.

Years later, after I had to accept the failure of my ambitions, there was an opportunity to become the dad of a kid who needed one. So here I am being a dad after all, and it's been a good experience. Difficult, of course, and often frustrating, but worthwhile; I have no regrets - neither about this choice, nor the one I made when I was young.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#34

Post by tyleo »

pcarolan wrote: post #29

Well said. I hope some day to make it and start parent.capital a place where parents can get funding. I believe there are thousands of people out there with great ideas and immense talent who are unable to leave their salary and benefits behind to pursue them.

How is that different than normal VC? Most people I know get healthcare as soon as they are funded. The problem is what happens before that.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#35

Post by anon291 »

This is something that makes me really sad, because as an extremely ambitious man, I've found it difficult to make friends with men who are similarly ambitious. It seems that everyone gives up once they have a kid and becomes a helicopter parent. I like to think I'm a good dad (have four kids; work from home; regularly do sports, music, etc with them; cook regularly) and also pretty ambitious (work in a MAANA company, have side businesses and gigs, have a good marriage, hobbies, exercise, etc), but it's difficult to find other dads into this. Or at least that's my perception here in Portland, OR. I've met a few, but most ambitious people seem uninterested in kids, and the ones interested in kids seem thoroughly unambitious in my opinion.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#36

Post by anon291 »

tschellenbach wrote: post #7

"Startup, parenting, hobbies, friends. I think you can do 2 of these well. But you'll have to quite light on the others." Someone on X, don't recall who, but it resonated.

It shouldn't be hard though. For me personally, I'm mostly friends with other dads with kids and I do my hobbies (music, rock climbing, skiing) with my kids. It's not that difficult.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#37

Post by anon291 »

msteffen wrote: post #9
tschellenbach wrote: post #7

"Startup, parenting, hobbies, friends. I think you can do 2 of these well. But you'll have to quite light on the others." Someone on X, don't recall who, but it resonated.

For “parenting” and “startup”, I would say that each is extremely hard to do well even when it’s the only thing on the list.

Parenting is easy. Kids don't need the fussy obsessiveness that has become characteristic of modern parneting.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#38

Post by pcarolan »

tyleo wrote: post #34
pcarolan wrote: post #29

Well said. I hope some day to make it and start parent.capital a place where parents can get funding. I believe there are thousands of people out there with great ideas and immense talent who are unable to leave their salary and benefits behind to pursue them.

How is that different than normal VC? Most people I know get healthcare as soon as they are funded. The problem is what happens before that.

When you become a parent, your risk profile changes immensely. I can hire some of the world’s best people tomorrow if i can promise them equal salary, benefits and retirement accounts for a set number of years. Plus the benefit of a large upside if it works. Most startups offer lower salaries and abysmal benefits. Security matters.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#39

Post by sho_hn »

Many years before becoming a Dad, I recall watching a video recorded by the Penny Arcade web cartoon folks while working where they reflected on both becoming fathers and asked themselves if it had been a net drain on their productivity and creativity.

They both concluded (not quickly, they discussed it) no, because it forced both of them to level up their time management game, quit whining and learn to get on with it, to the point where they generally got more done a couple of years in.

I have found this to be true. Our little one is turning 3 in November, and while the first two years were a bit slower (I took half a year of work while my wife finished up her Master's, etc.), in 2026 I've so far had a fantastic year and find myself much more capable of juggling more balls at the same time, finally learned the skill of grabbing sleep where I can, etc. I'm pretty sure I already "had my act together" (as per the article) and was doing well career-wise, but raising the stakes on the family side has definitely only improved things.

Got a whole lot of Open Source work done, reverse engineered an old cult video game I used to play, wrote HMI and firmware for a robot used in the Great Pyramid of Egypt for a scientific mission, taught myself GPRs and built a new radar control system, spent a week rolling around in the dust of millenia inside Khufu's Pyramid, etc., all next to the day job.

The most unexpected professional/skills growth and fun year I've had in a while, and it's all so much more meaningful when I get to share it with the little one.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#40

Post by tyleo »

pcarolan wrote: post #38
tyleo wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How is that different than normal VC? Most people I know get healthcare as soon as they are funded. The problem is what happens before that.

When you become a parent, your risk profile changes immensely. I can hire some of the world’s best people tomorrow if i can promise them equal salary, benefits and retirement accounts for a set number of years. Plus the benefit of a large upside if it works. Most startups offer lower salaries and abysmal benefits. Security matters.

I still don’t get it. It sounds like the business plan is to fund companies so they can offer compelling employment. That’s great but that’s no different than any other VC.
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