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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#21

Post by ElProlactin »

The author seems self-aware and I think there's a lot of good observations in this post.

At the same time, I think ambition needs to be paired with humility and acceptance of you can't have it all.

There's no perfect life. You can't optimize everything such that you achieve a hypothesized balance between all the things that are competing for your time and energy. In the final analysis, most people, if given the chance to reflect before they die, would choose more time with the people they care about than more time working, even if, in the moment, they felt they were doing a good job balancing the two.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#22

Post by Calazon »

dalyons wrote: post #16

thank you for this, very well written, and rings true. I will say for me this is the root contradiction: > I do not believe the quality time theory. I firmly believe in maximizing the quantity of time spent with them; there are no diminishing returns for them on that front. If you believe that to be the most true statement, then it leads to the conclusion that you should work as little as possible to spend as most ti…

Ultimately any two ambitions will compete with each other for finite time and energy. (Assuming each ambition benefits from more time and energy being spent on it, which is usually the case.)

You can be reasonably successful in multiple areas, but you can't max them all, you have to compromise somehow.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#23

Post by blobbers »

I'm shocked by the amount of time people who don't have kids waste.

So while PG may believe that people may have their "act already together" pre-kids, I sort of look at the amount of time people without kids waste and think "if only I had that much free time..."

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#24

Post by ignoramous »

handedness wrote: post #17
mholt wrote: post #5

"Be ambitious enough to be an ambitious dad." - agreed! Being an ambitious dad IS exhausting. And the successful people telling you that you can't be a present, ambitious dad and be successful -- that you have to trade successful fatherhood for professional success -- are weak. They are not heroes. The real heroes are the ones ambitiously raising the next generation while changing the world right now. That's what I a…

I would also add that, at least in my experience, those who are professionally ambitious and maximizing professional success, while being highly confident they are also succeeding at home, often have an inaccurate view of their home life. It's not until the kids are grown and openly fighting their demons that they realize the bargain that they made. It's that old adage of, anyone who thinks they're a great parent, pr…

> we shouldn't build our fairy tales around

Being self-aware and self-critical is one of those changes that instantly improves everyone's life around us, including our own.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#25

Post by thsbrown »

ElProlactin wrote: post #21

The author seems self-aware and I think there's a lot of good observations in this post. At the same time, I think ambition needs to be paired with humility and acceptance of you can't have it all . There's no perfect life. You can't optimize everything such that you achieve a hypothesized balance between all the things that are competing for your time and energy. In the final analysis, most people, if given the chan…

I think this is the point though right? The author is saying that he rejects this dichotomy and he's attempting to take on both even if others might perceive it as impossible.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#27

Post by michaelt »

digitallogic wrote: post #3

> having kids may make one less ambitious Can't say this resonates with me. Though being a dad has wildly changed what I'm ambitious about.

'Ambitious' often means doing optional things that take time.

A single person who cuts back on time spent doom scrolling / tv watching / beer drinking to teach themselves enterprise Kubernetes sysadmin best practices is ambitious.

A new parent who cuts back on time with their kids to teach themselves enterprise Kubernetes sysadmin best practices needs their head checked.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#28

Post by thsbrown »

blobbers wrote: post #23

I'm shocked by the amount of time people who don't have kids waste. So while PG may believe that people may have their "act already together" pre-kids, I sort of look at the amount of time people without kids waste and think "if only I had that much free time..."

Reminds me of that saying "The youth is wasted on the young". It's only once we truly have no time do we realize how much time we really had.

I love my kids but they take a lot of time. Wouldn't change it for the world though.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#29

Post by pcarolan »

Well said. I hope some day to make it and start parent.capital a place where parents can get funding. I believe there are thousands of people out there with great ideas and immense talent who are unable to leave their salary and benefits behind to pursue them.
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