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Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

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Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#51

Post by someoneeestis »

busterarm wrote: post #48
someoneeestis wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, you can tell that to all the Nõmme, Tondi, Pirita, Kesklinn, Tartu, Viljandi, Karksi-Nuia amongst other places I've lived where I've smiled and said "Tere hommikust!" to as they turned their face away and pretended I didn't exist. I've also lived in Amsterdam and even people on the street who were not my neighbors smiled and said good morning and often that triggered a little conversation and laughters. Like I…

I would also say Brazil and Ireland are unusually friendly & warm compared to most of the world. Irish people making small talk is practically a competitive sport.

Damn right, brother! Damn right!

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#52

Post by someoneeestis »

notahacker wrote: post #44
jaen wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't imply that you were being insincere... re: the greeting, I think introverts around the world do not necessarily appreciate being randomly greeted by strangers, they just get used to it if the culture is like that. From that perspective, I don't think just a random greeting from a stranger always makes people feel more warm and the days more bearable either. It's more of a correlation rather than causation. P…

> re: the greeting, I think introverts around the world do not necessarily appreciate being randomly greeted by strangers, they just get used to it if the culture is like that the flip side is that extroverts around the world don't necessarily like everyone giving the impression that their existence is an inconvenience, they just get used to it if the culture implies that seeking interaction with people they don't ha…

> re: the flip side is that extroverts around the world don't necessarily like everyone giving the impression that their existence is an inconvenience.

I couldn't have said it better and I'm stealing this from ya. Beautifully said.

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#53

Post by masfuerte »

zabzonk wrote: post #43

I remember back in the mid 1980s there was a scheme in Lincolnshire UK where you could just turn up at a house and go into their back garden to admire their plants - only gardens owned by people taking part in the scheme, obviously. Doesn't seem to exist anymore, and I guess I'm not surprised,

The National Garden Scheme is still a thing.

https://ngs.org.uk/who-we-are/who-we-are-and-what-we-do/

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#54

Post by zabzonk »

masfuerte wrote: post #53
zabzonk wrote: post #43

I remember back in the mid 1980s there was a scheme in Lincolnshire UK where you could just turn up at a house and go into their back garden to admire their plants - only gardens owned by people taking part in the scheme, obviously. Doesn't seem to exist anymore, and I guess I'm not surprised,

The National Garden Scheme is still a thing. https://ngs.org.uk/who-we-are/who-we-are-and-what-we-do/

Thanks, but I think that is more gardens that are owned by people with professional gardeners and other caretakers. The scheme I was thinking of was more individuals. I remember looking in to a small bungalow garden, where the owner proudly showed off her border plants, and offered us some cuttings.

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#55

Post by tonylucas »

zabzonk wrote: post #54
masfuerte wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The National Garden Scheme is still a thing. https://ngs.org.uk/who-we-are/who-we-are-and-what-we-do/

Thanks, but I think that is more gardens that are owned by people with professional gardeners and other caretakers. The scheme I was thinking of was more individuals. I remember looking in to a small bungalow garden, where the owner proudly showed off her border plants, and offered us some cuttings.

This was definitely also a 'thing' when I was growing up in Somerset, I think they just called it a 'garden open day' or similar, but I can distinctly remember wandering around one massive garden and nearly walking straight into the pond covered in Duckweed.

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#56

Post by pebble »

Markoff wrote: post #29
tauntz wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It depends - for some, it's a commercial event. For others, like me, it's just an opportunity to challenge yourself and see if you can make delicious food for a bunch of people :) I'll be happy if I can cover the cost of ingredients this weekend, but if not, that's fine too!

TLDR you still want money from your visitors, no matter whether to cover expenses or make profit, that's not what we call hospitality back here in central Europe. Hospitality is when you don't expect anything in return for inviting someone somewhere, can't imagine inviting someone to my place and then charge them my expenses, that's very USan way of invitation...

Nobody is inviting you.

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#57

Post by Saline9515 »

jaen wrote: post #32
someoneeestis wrote: post #9

I live in Estonia for a very long time now, over a decade. I love the kodukohvikud (Home Cafes) but the framing of "inviting strangers" is a little odd. It's not free. While there is a lot of theoretical opportunity for bonding, it's still just a temporary commercial enterprise. For anyone who has lived here, it's a known fact that Estonians won't exactly engage with strangers in a warm way, if at all. Smiling at str…

> Smiling at strangers is considered poor social form here and it doesn't matter if you're a foreigner or native. It's not. Insincerity and mindless, automatic smiles might be a little bit frowned upon. Genuine, but subtle smiles (as appropriate for strangers) are appreciated, at least for the younger generation. The older generation might still be somewhat "traumatized" by the Soviet occupation and its cultural effe…

Estonians are proudly and openly antisocial. Saying "Tere" (hi) to a cashier will only get you a stare from her, they openly joke online that they never talked to their neighbors after a decade of living there.

Interestingly, cars are very important in the Estonian society, as they allow to signal one's status in a community without having to engage socially. When I arrived, I bought a car (a Skoda, neither cheap or expensive), which happened to be the same as my neighbors.

Two week after, they came back with a gigantic BMW SUV, and gave me "the (contemptuous) stare" when our paths crossed in the hallway. Of course, I chuckled, which I guess wasn't the expected reaction.

As a result, for most people, Estonia is a pretty depressing society, on top of being a pretty harsh and regressive social system. They are very good at marketing themselves to the world, which is why you will often see people gloating about Estonia on social media. In reality they are far on every aspect from ever being a "Nordic country", which they like to call themselves.

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#58

Post by Saline9515 »

java-man wrote: post #47
jaen wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't imply that you were being insincere... re: the greeting, I think introverts around the world do not necessarily appreciate being randomly greeted by strangers, they just get used to it if the culture is like that. From that perspective, I don't think just a random greeting from a stranger always makes people feel more warm and the days more bearable either. It's more of a correlation rather than causation. P…

how can you tell a Finnish extrovert? he looks at YOUR boots! as an introvert, I like this discussion.

Finnish people are actually quite warm and welcoming. I know that they like to say that they are introverts, but each time I spend time there I find it very easy to engage, and always have people talking to me (even if it is to warn me of something that I did wrong!).

Re: Why Estonians invite strangers into their back gardens each summer

#59

Post by d4ng »

Saline9515 wrote: post #57
jaen wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Smiling at strangers is considered poor social form here and it doesn't matter if you're a foreigner or native. It's not. Insincerity and mindless, automatic smiles might be a little bit frowned upon. Genuine, but subtle smiles (as appropriate for strangers) are appreciated, at least for the younger generation. The older generation might still be somewhat "traumatized" by the Soviet occupation and its cultural effe…

Estonians are proudly and openly antisocial. Saying "Tere" (hi) to a cashier will only get you a stare from her, they openly joke online that they never talked to their neighbors after a decade of living there. Interestingly, cars are very important in the Estonian society, as they allow to signal one's status in a community without having to engage socially. When I arrived, I bought a car (a Skoda, neither cheap or…

Here’s a nice video:

https://youtu.be/bV-hSgL1R74?si=Ei3EUfrIKvgAO3bw

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