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I love you, dad

notch.tumblr.com

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Re: I love you, dad

#141

Post by Tichy »

diego wrote: post #73
jbail wrote: post #6

That gave me chills. I'm constantly impressed by people that have the ability to share their personal life with the world in an honest way that reveals the vulnerabilities we all share as humans. It is so much more refreshing than the opposite, where we pretend our lives are perfect and we never experience moments of doubt or melancholy. It is rare to see someone make a post like this. This is precisely what makes it…

You may be interested in my post from yesterday. http://longposts.com/1990082

:-(

Re: I love you, dad

#143

Post by ryguytilidie »

edw519 wrote: post #45

Notch, if you're reading this, my deepest sympathy. I understand the devastation of losing a parent; I lost my mother about a year ago. I'm still not "back to normal" and don't know if I ever will be. I used to do art, music, and comedy, and even practiced my religion, often just for her. I loved to make her laugh and it was so easy to make her proud. In the past year, I have done none of that stuff and don't know wh…

I for one, salute you for having the awareness to know that snippets of advice won't help and having such a thoughtful response. I often feel like the stock advice given in these situations just makes me feel worse.

Re: I love you, dad

#144

Post by wsc981 »

speeder wrote: post #7

I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…

Try to appreciate your family for as long as you can, since you'll never know when they're gone.

In 2004, when I was 23 years old, I lost both my parents and a sister in a car accident. We had a really nice family and great parents, never expected this to happen. It caused me a depression that lasted almost 7 years.

Personally I wouldn't want a girlfriend that wants to become a mother, the pain of losing someone very dear to you is intense and I wouldn't want another depression that lasts as long as my previous one.

Re: I love you, dad

#145

Post by SoftwareMaven »

debacle wrote: post #42
gxs wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It may be refreshing, but people aren't drawn to it. It's the same idea as to why people are drawn to assholes, why people respect someone who speaks their mind more than someone who is a poeple pleaser etc. You speak like this for long enough around people, and they just wont want to be around you. Every now and then, like you said, it's refreshing.

> It may be refreshing, but people aren't drawn to it. Really? My feelings on Notch have been greatly elevated by it. It shows an incredibly positive attitude about life.

You and gxs haven't said different things. Being open allows connections to be made. That is what happened here.

After those connections are made, if a large percentage of future communication consisted of these types of messages, it becomes a large burden to the recipient. Obviously Notch's post doesn't come near this.

That isn't to say you can't open up to your friends/family. We need to do that. It is just important that you give as much as you get. My wife is an incredibly open and caring person, and I've seen her get dumped on by people who only give their burdens but are never willing to receive any. That is when sharing becomes selfish.

Re: I love you, dad

#146

Post by asfdfdasfafdsss »

Notch, I'm so sorry. I know what it is like to lose a parent. It sucks and it doesn't seem to go away.

What a great post. Thanks for sharing your life with us. Please continue to make your dad proud, and be a path for the rest of us in similar circumstance.

Re: I love you, dad

#147

Post by jggonz »

Thank you for sharing, it helps you and all of us that have lost a loved one. I lost my father to liver cancer this past January. He was my best friend. Almost every day I replay wonderful memories of conversations, funny moments, and life events we experienced together. I now seek for ways to connect to him and keep those memories alive. I am working on writing them down, so that I can somehow show my toddler some day the wonderful father I had. I collect the tools that we shared to work on electronic projects and cars. The thought of holding something that my dad held in his hands makes it easier.

Keep loving your dad, and each time you replay a memory in your mind, write it down... It'll keep you two connected.

Re: I love you, dad

#148

Post by SoftwareMaven »

wsc981 wrote: post #144
speeder wrote: post #7

I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…

Try to appreciate your family for as long as you can, since you'll never know when they're gone. In 2004, when I was 23 years old, I lost both my parents and a sister in a car accident. We had a really nice family and great parents, never expected this to happen. It caused me a depression that lasted almost 7 years. Personally I wouldn't want a girlfriend that wants to become a mother, the pain of losing someone very…

You have to balance the risk of pain with the possibility of joy. It is certainly possible to live a life cut of from others where you never have to worry about losing anybody, but you lose the joy that comes from those same connections. While it's true that the closer the connection, the greater the chance of pain, it is also true that they are also greater sources of joy.

Having gone through more than one multi-year depression, I can appreciate you wanting to avoid that. Just don't avoid living and loving to do so.

Re: I love you, dad

#149

Post by SoftwareMaven »

king_jester wrote: post #88
speeder wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

About crumbling families: I am form Brazil, no-fault divorce was only allowed in the 70s (in comparison to US for example), and divorce rates rose very quickly. Three years ago the divorce laws were made even more lax, and divorce rate tripled immediately (ie: one year after the law, the amount of divorce year-to-year was 3 times). Most of my friends have divorced parents, I knew few people that actually have married…

Is this really a bad thing? Is it better that people stay in marriages they do not want to be a part of rather than be free to separate? Staying in a failed marriage is not necessarily better for kids and may in fact be worse than getting a divorce. Marriage rates are falling in some countries and places, but that really depends more on the specifics of where you are. In the US, there are a variety of reasons why peo…

If you have kids, the commitments you've made are not just to your spouse/SO/whatever, but also to your kids. Those commitments are long-term and failing to keep those commitments is very damaging to kids. I think if more people took those commitments seriously, they would find ways to solve problems. As it is, why bother trying when it's easier to just say "screw it" and separate.

There are some marriages that should end. There are men and women both who have no business being attached to another human being. But I think more marriages end than need to, and it's a net-negative to everybody involved (which means all of society). Learning how to live happily with another person (and it is difficult, no questions; I'm going on 20 years and it stays just as hard every year) is one of the most satisfying things you can do and teaches you many important lessons that positively impact one's life in areas outside of the home.

Re: I love you, dad

#150

Post by [deleted] »

ColinWright wrote: post #74
gknoy wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think he's correct. Being pregnant and giving birth is tremendously challenging (and rewarding, to many), but is a drop in the bucket compared to the entire rest of your life being about Not You. Not only do you face the constant lack of sleep, but you now have to worry about financial planning, raising the kid to be a good human, etc. Having a kid is easy. Raising a kid (well) is hard.

Sorry, but you too are showing breath-taking ignorance and considerable lack of sensitivity and tact, even with the clues staring you in the face. Let me be just a little more blunt - it's not only the case that for some people having children is not easy, but in addition, it's a big deal that they CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN. Now, have you got the point?

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