You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
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Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#2> I was told that this person really had all the friends that they need.
In my experience, this does tend to happen in smaller communities - a small town where everyone knows each other, and already has picked out all the people they're likely to be friends with.
> Being intentional is essential, she says.
> According to Franco, the key to building a community of friends is setting up planned interactions, like regular group events or rotating potlucks.
For me, this is D&D.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#3> I was told that this person really had all the friends that they need. In my experience, this does tend to happen in smaller communities - a small town where everyone knows each other, and already has picked out all the people they're likely to be friends with. > Being intentional is essential, she says. > According to Franco, the key to building a community of friends is setting up planned interactions, like regul…
for me its indoor rock climbing great community
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#4As someone who has experienced the opposite effect I think the trick is to just finding passion in what you do and your hobbies. The more of a resource I am around my interests the easier it’s always been more me to make new friends with those same interests just by having something to talk about
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#5If you’re responsible and you like animals, there’s no easier way to connect with people from all walks of life than by owning a dog. Assuming you live in a fairly dog‑friendly area, it becomes much easier to break the ice and spend time in shared spaces where everyone already has at least one thing in common.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#6I have exactly one friend. I had two, but one of them recently passed away suddenly. At 51, I can definitely say it's very hard to meet anyone. I guess I need to start playing D&D or board games or disc golf.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#7I have exactly one friend. I had two, but one of them recently passed away suddenly. At 51, I can definitely say it's very hard to meet anyone. I guess I need to start playing D&D or board games or disc golf.
I can vouch for board games. I play DCC (D&D for grognards) and board games with a group I met through a guy at work. It was a little awkward at first, but we've been doing it every few weeks for years now.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#8In my experience, it just takes initiative. Think of it this way, if most people want more friends, then the odds are in your favor. It just takes a little vulnerability to bridge the social gap and make connections.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#9For people into music: Would you be interested in an app that lists music events in your area, where you can register yourself as going, and where people can apply to go with you?
What do you think would work well? What do you think the pitfalls might be?
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#10I have exactly one friend. I had two, but one of them recently passed away suddenly. At 51, I can definitely say it's very hard to meet anyone. I guess I need to start playing D&D or board games or disc golf.
I created (well ... bought the domain) https://clubs.fyi to solve this problem for myself, after I moved to a new city and found myself with no friends for like the 4th time in my life[1].
And yes, the findings in TFA are true. The main catalyzer is something you do regularly with another person. That's it. It could be just sitting next to each other, but weekly. The best thing for this is joining a club, clubs happen around a common interest but also a club could just be something like "we sit on this bench every week".
I got busy with work and other stuff and have not put in the care this project needs to get it off the ground, but if you're interested in helping out, feel free to reach out.
Two takeaways (not mentioned in TFA):
* Being intentional means knowing thyself and deciding what you want in your life with as much detail as you can. "I want to meet new people" is not as good as "I want to meet people who like baking muffins AND are actively engaged with it AND also want to meet other people that are heavily into muffins". Sure, the audience is greatly reduced the more specific you go, but the value of that group when you find it is 100x more rewarding. You don't need 100 friends, you only need 2 or 3 genuinely good friends :).
* A lot of people are on the same boat as you, way more than you imagine. Something like 6-7 out of 10. So, grab your hometown population, multiply it by 0.7, that's how many people are willing to make new friends TODAY. The problem is that we have been trained to suck at meeting new people, the processes by which we discover each other and learn about each other has been labeled as "exposing yourself" by nu-psychologists (of which the vast majority should be imprisoned imo, but that's a different topic).
The reason why this (fear) has been ingrained into the population is to have a mass of people who age/die faster because they are lonely and (induced to be) stupid; but again, that's a different topic, lol. I just want to give you the overall context.
A club is the perfect excuse to let those guards down, after all, you and others think "I'm not a creep[2], I'm here because I genuinely like " and those connections start to flourish naturally (because they're natural, we are primed to meet people, we are primed to make connections). So, go ahead and just join one local club that caters to your interest; if it doesn't exist, create it, it will be a very rewarding experience.
1: Everyone told me to do D&D. I don't like D&D and trying to force yourself into something you don't really like just to meet people has low ROI (I've tried it for years, I stopped doing it).
2: Thinking you are one is part of the psychological abuse that was put in there on purpose and by design. I cannot stress this enough, one must understand the causes to tackle the disease properly.