How to Sell a Kettle

> Populist. If scalding hot water and the risk of a burn do not scare you, buy the Boiler. A kettle for real patriots. Not suitable for herbal teas and other woke beverages. Used by veterans, among others. Made in this country, except for some essential components.

Almost too on the nose

Re: How to Sell a Kettle

#5

Post by senko » Thu, Jul 23, 2026, 5:19 PM UTC

> The Ketgpt takes the kettle into the agentic era. At the front door and fancy a cup of tea? Just woken up and desperate for your first coffee? Get out your phone, fire up the Ketgpt app, enter your login details and tell your kettle to start boiling. That’s not all. You can ask your kettle how the boiling process is going in text or voice mode, and it will reply. It will even send a notification to your phone when the boiling process is complete. You set the task. The Ketgpt will take it from there, entirely autonomously. (Token costs not included.)

I have seen funded AI startups that made less sense.

Re: How to Sell a Kettle

#6

Post by stronglikedan » Thu, Jul 23, 2026, 5:26 PM UTC

senko wrote: post #5

> The Ketgpt takes the kettle into the agentic era. At the front door and fancy a cup of tea? Just woken up and desperate for your first coffee? Get out your phone, fire up the Ketgpt app, enter your login details and tell your kettle to start boiling. That’s not all. You can ask your kettle how the boiling process is going in text or voice mode, and it will reply. It will even send a notification to your phone when…

Th archive link isn't loading for me (work firewall), and I don't have access to the paywalled version, but are they suggesting that I must log in to the app every single time I want a cuppa? Cuz if so, that's a non-starter right off the bat! (And if so, I hope it's the satire that it sounds like.)

Re: How to Sell a Kettle

#7

Post by IAmGraydon » Thu, Jul 23, 2026, 5:28 PM UTC

Oh cool - a bunch of generic marketing copy written by an AI and presented as an article. It's concerning that something this low quality has made it to the front page.

Re: How to Sell a Kettle

#8

Post by lardosaurusrex » Thu, Jul 23, 2026, 5:29 PM UTC

Brands stopped mattering when companies started buying the exact same XPTLKO kettles you see on aliexpress and amazon and just slapped their own name on it; complete with app.

Just look at air conditioners or microwaves; there's like two companies that do them and yet there's another 500 of them that insist that theirs is "the one" even though they're identical and even use the same app under another name.

How to sell a kettle? How about you write an article about how to /make/ a kettle first.

Re: How to Sell a Kettle

#9

Post by jzebedee » Thu, Jul 23, 2026, 5:29 PM UTC

stronglikedan wrote: post #6

senko wrote: post #5

> The Ketgpt takes the kettle into the agentic era. At the front door and fancy a cup of tea? Just woken up and desperate for your first coffee? Get out your phone, fire up the Ketgpt app, enter your login details and tell your kettle to start boiling. That’s not all. You can ask your kettle how the boiling process is going in text or voice mode, and it will reply. It will even send a notification to your phone when…

Th archive link isn't loading for me (work firewall), and I don't have access to the paywalled version, but are they suggesting that I must log in to the app every single time I want a cuppa? Cuz if so, that's a non-starter right off the bat! (And if so, I hope it's the satire that it sounds like.)

The whole article is satire, parodying the overwrought ad copy designed to sell a simple appliance (electric kettle) to different marketing segments.

Re: How to Sell a Kettle

#10

Post by codeulike » Thu, Jul 23, 2026, 5:33 PM UTC

Incidentally I was reading the other day that in Europe kettles are much faster than USA ones (due to 240v domestic mains as opposed to 120v) and theres a small subculture of USA electricians fitting 240v supplies into their kitchen and then importing European kettles.