Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015) • Hacker News Board

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#81

Post by SamoyedFurFluff » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 1:43 PM UTC

mlok wrote: post #72

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Inquiry: what do you define as politics? Example: is a trans person in your community political for using their preferred pronouns? Going to their preferred bathroom? Is a gay person political for mentioning their same sex spouse? Is an immigrant political for discussing their immigration process (“sorry can’t make it I have an apt with the embassy”)? Is tits or gtfo political? I’m not trying to be contrarian this is…

Maybe it starts when some people start to apply some power on other people ? But all your examples are people talking about themselves : their own lives, their own choices, their own specifics, their own struggles. I would say people can have all this and mention it as long as it stays on the fringe and does not become a topic to debate. This would be outside the scope of the group. Maybe other people should avoid co…

Here’s the thing though: Helen is presenting herself to be called Helen. That’s inherently asking other people to call her Helen and imposing on people to allow a person they see as male to enter a female bathroom! For people who see being transgender as a political issue, being asked to call a trans person by their name is bringing politics into it because theyre being imposed on to recognize a trans woman as female for bathroom purposes.

Thats what I mean when i think “no politics” gets weirdly messy. Like to me it’s not political to let Helen use the female bathroom, but that’s not a given. I’ve also seen situations like, is it political if David brings his boyfriend to the DnD group and they role play a gay couple? What about if Emily, an IRL conservative, says she’s not being political when her lawful good paladin tries to break up the gay couple in the game, because being gay is evil in her DnD religion?

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#82

Post by SamoyedFurFluff » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 1:45 PM UTC

baxtr wrote: post #71

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Inquiry: what do you define as politics? Example: is a trans person in your community political for using their preferred pronouns? Going to their preferred bathroom? Is a gay person political for mentioning their same sex spouse? Is an immigrant political for discussing their immigration process (“sorry can’t make it I have an apt with the embassy”)? Is tits or gtfo political? I’m not trying to be contrarian this is…

For me personally the line is crossed when you start making judgments. Having an appointment with the embassy is not political. Saying the government shouldn’t force people to go to the embassy is.

That’s incredibly messy, for example, a friend of mine was recently forced out of the country because her Ukrainian refugee visa was revoked. Are you saying this community member cannot be sad or angry about this, because that’s too political? We have to be like damn this is the last board game with Nancy but we can’t talk about why because that’s Polticial?

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#83

Post by roenxi » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 1:49 PM UTC

__rito__ wrote: post #64

> 4. Be part of bigger things > Being part of bigger things makes us feel valued. Find communities and projects to be part of. Start your own. It could be online or in the real world. Make sure the groups don't get politically active one way or the other. Today's social landscape is made significantly worse by political polarization dragged to the extreme - fuelled by short form content silos and bubbles. (Tiktok, In…

It would be more useful to say that communities should be organised around a set of principles and be ruthless about sticking to them.

The issue isn't so much that groups become "political" (which is a hard standard to define) as much as they lost focus on a goal (like being a book club) and morph into an in-group, an out-group and a set of memes used to identify the in-groupers and ostracise the out-groupers.

The point of most political memes is to identify a small group who are coordinating to try and control a larger mass of people. When the local book club becomes a conduit for them that is obviously toxic for a general member joining because of the joy of reading. A book club community should prioritise books and including people if and when they enjoy books.

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#84

Post by ziofill » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:11 PM UTC

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #81

mlok wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe it starts when some people start to apply some power on other people ? But all your examples are people talking about themselves : their own lives, their own choices, their own specifics, their own struggles. I would say people can have all this and mention it as long as it stays on the fringe and does not become a topic to debate. This would be outside the scope of the group. Maybe other people should avoid co…

Here’s the thing though: Helen is presenting herself to be called Helen. That’s inherently asking other people to call her Helen and imposing on people to allow a person they see as male to enter a female bathroom! For people who see being transgender as a political issue, being asked to call a trans person by their name is bringing politics into it because theyre being imposed on to recognize a trans woman as female…

These are issues of civility, not politics.

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#85

Post by [deleted] » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:13 PM UTC

roenxi wrote: post #83

__rito__ wrote: post #64

> 4. Be part of bigger things > Being part of bigger things makes us feel valued. Find communities and projects to be part of. Start your own. It could be online or in the real world. Make sure the groups don't get politically active one way or the other. Today's social landscape is made significantly worse by political polarization dragged to the extreme - fuelled by short form content silos and bubbles. (Tiktok, In…

It would be more useful to say that communities should be organised around a set of principles and be ruthless about sticking to them. The issue isn't so much that groups become "political" (which is a hard standard to define) as much as they lost focus on a goal (like being a book club) and morph into an in-group, an out-group and a set of memes used to identify the in-groupers and ostracise the out-groupers. The po…

[deleted]

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#86

Post by SamoyedFurFluff » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:15 PM UTC

ziofill wrote: post #84

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here’s the thing though: Helen is presenting herself to be called Helen. That’s inherently asking other people to call her Helen and imposing on people to allow a person they see as male to enter a female bathroom! For people who see being transgender as a political issue, being asked to call a trans person by their name is bringing politics into it because theyre being imposed on to recognize a trans woman as female…

These are issues of civility, not politics.

I don’t see what you mean. It really isn’t considered civil to let men use the female restroom when a male restroom is available outside of circumstances like taking one’s young children to the restroom. If one sees a trans woman as a man, it is uncivil for “him” to parade at being a woman.

It is also super normal for couples to roleplay being couples, gay or not. What do you call civil here, to let a (in the mind of an Anti-homosexual conservative) illegitimate couple pretend as if it’s on the level of a legitimate one? Or it’s maybe uncivil for the illegitimate gay guy to come in and force the rest of the group to sit in discomfort with his sexuality?

In my opinion “maintain civility” is equally as fraught as “no politics” because different people have radically different opinions of what these mean. Often times when it comes to “identity politics” it’s mutually exclusive.

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#87

Post by jebarker » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:17 PM UTC

> Do things you are bad at

I think this should be coupled with: know when to quit. I've persisted with some things I'm bad at out of stubbornness but have never improved and it's just burned me out.

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#88

Post by devonsolomon » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:18 PM UTC

1. Desire is a contract to be unhappy until you get what you want.

2. Happiness is only ever available now.

3. You were never broken; that was a thought.

4. Your gut is a lifetime of data arriving before the argument.

5. Say no to almost everything; freedom lives in the unscheduled hour.

6. If your peace requires the world’s cooperation, you don’t have peace.

7. Alone time is where the self returns to itself.

8. The news is a slot machine for outrage. Unplug it.

9. Compare yourself to no one; envy is drinking poison and waiting.

10. Money won’t make you happy, but it retires the problems that made you miserable.

Also…

1. A man with no wants is already dead. He just hasn’t noticed.

2. Everything valuable in life compounds; the present is just where you make deposits.

3. Settling for yourself is the most polite form of giving up.

4. Feelings are evolution’s suggestions, not commands.

5. You can’t meditate your way out of a life that needs fixing.

6. Say yes until you’re interesting. No one regrets the adventures.

7. A brilliant life with no witnesses is a rough draft no one reads.

8. Ignorance isn’t peace, it’s just peace on credit.

9. Rivals are free personal trainers for the soul.

10. Every hour sold for money is bought from a life you don’t get back.

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#89

Post by HEmanZ » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:23 PM UTC

sethammons wrote: post #70

tonyedgecombe wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had to tell my parents to stop talking about politics because it was making me dislike them. They weren’t informed citizens, they were just regurgitating whatever they happened to read in their newspaper that day. If you pushed them on anything they said they didn’t really have any understanding beneath the headlines they had read. It would be better for them if they could disengage from it but they don’t seem to w…

So no discussion happened and they were left uninformed? I talk through things with my family and share different takes and sources. Some are unhinged and called out. But usually there is lots of common ground. And sometimes changed options. No single raindrop believes it to be blamed for the flood.

This works with some people and not with others. I’ve found once you have no epistemological common ground or rigor it becomes pointless and not worth having.

Like what do you do if every source that contradicts them about any aspect of the world is considered a lie controlled by (billionaires, liberals, the Jews, whatever)?

I’ve found the majority of people who are really in to regurgitating politics have no interest in actually understanding reality or making political decisions or even political arguments. They are playing a tribal sport and showing the allegiance and righteousness with words. It’s closer to “my sports team is better than your sports team”. In this situation, there is no string of conversation that can convince them otherwise or land real information. The best thing to do is maintain the relationship, let them know your basic positions, and model “people who disagree with you are very normal and won’t mock you if you change your mind.”

Re: Ten Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#90

Post by roenxi » Wed, Jul 22, 2026, 2:23 PM UTC

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #81

mlok wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe it starts when some people start to apply some power on other people ? But all your examples are people talking about themselves : their own lives, their own choices, their own specifics, their own struggles. I would say people can have all this and mention it as long as it stays on the fringe and does not become a topic to debate. This would be outside the scope of the group. Maybe other people should avoid co…

Here’s the thing though: Helen is presenting herself to be called Helen. That’s inherently asking other people to call her Helen and imposing on people to allow a person they see as male to enter a female bathroom! For people who see being transgender as a political issue, being asked to call a trans person by their name is bringing politics into it because theyre being imposed on to recognize a trans woman as female…

That actually sounds like a relatively simple one to resolve although the practicality might be a bit poor. The nonpolitical resolution is to use a space with 1 small unisex bathroom and insist that everyone keep it clean. If there isn't a consensus on who gets a special bathroom then there shouldn't be one.