Ask HN: Having a child before career has taken off

The points me and my wife agreed on:

1) It takes a lot of time and energy to raise children, and there's more of both when young

2) Fertility drops sharply in 30s, and we could miss the window altogether. Also the odds of complications goes up

3) You can work as hard as you like after the kids grow up

4) Paying for college will be tougher, but my parents were able to do it

At 40, nearly everyone at my level of seniority has at least one child and they don't fault us for having them. We've all lost sleep over the baby, and we all understand that having a child younger than 2 is highly unproductive, but it gets better and most of the time they do a fine enough job that everyone forgets they have kids.

Kids are amazing and you don’t realise it until you have your own, on the same time they require a lot of physical and mental energy especially if both parents work; so be prepared to lower your expectations, I don’t remember who said it but in life you can do your best in two things at most: work, family, social, sport just pick two, don’t expect to be able to do everything.

You will have some sleepless nights, sometimes your plans will drift, don’t fight it and be ready to be flexible, if you had a sleepless night the next day at work pick something easy, on good days do the complex work because you don’t know what will happen tomorrow.

You will have to orchestrate your life around things you cannot control such as when kids are ill and most importantly whenever possible to get or ask for help just do it don’t feel ashamed of asking for help.

Finally, if you plan to have a second kid, I suggest to avoid waiting too much, it’s better to have them with a two-three years distance so that once they are old enough you can focus on what you left behind when they were young and remember they grow so fast so make the most when you are with your kids personally I prefer spending time with kids rather than having an ordered house ;)