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Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

ramones.dev

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Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#171

Post by busymom0 »

nvarsj wrote: post #123
smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

This... I finally changed my life by talking to a psychiatrist after 40+ years of suffering and trying a myriad of things. Mental illnesses are real and need real treatment.

> talking to a psychiatrist

Would you mind sharing what solutions they recommended for you to try? Also any meds?

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#172

Post by ramon156 »

Shalomboy wrote: post #33

I've wanted to write something similar regarding anxiety on a blog of my own for close to a decade now, but I was always afraid to put my feelings to paper, in case they become real. If they stay in my head, I can dismiss them. OP, I hope you feel some relief having posted this; if it helped you, perhaps it could encourage other to let down their walls. Thank you so much for sharing.

Would you like a tip? This post started out as bulletpoints that were no more than 5 words each, eventually you start typing away like there's no tomorrow.

There's a lot I want to talk about, and not a lot of words until people stop scanning.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#173

Post by ramon156 »

I would also like to add that I have read multiple comments talking about their struggles with either some neurodivergent diagnosis, or with depression. I've never seen this side of HN, and I am very grateful to have been a part of it.

I haven't met anyone in a similar boat, so seeing I'm not alone is very healing.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#174

Post by ramon156 »

travelalberta wrote: post #7

Most of y’all need to buck up. If day to day engineering tasks are so challenging for you maybe the anxiety and depression you’re feeling is your system telling you that you are in misalignment. Why are you an engineer if you are struggling to complete the basic tasks? Are you meant to be doing what you are doing?

I definitely understand where your response comes from. You cannot work with people that keep screwing up the work you're doing. It costs the company money, it frustrates colleagues, and you end up just wasting people's time.

The thing is that I have now learned that I cannot do it. To play devil's advocate, I might just be a lazy bum. I still think it's good to be aware that you can walk away from a position that you know you cannot do.

Buckling up will not help me here. I've been upbuckling for two years now, and my buckles keep going down.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#175

Post by luckydata »

Everyone makes mistakes. I think OPs problem might be more in how he analyzes, internalizes and reacts to mistakes. I hope he can fix his problems and move on with his life, as a person living with ADHD I can empathize with feeling "broken" and not equipped for corporate life and in a way I am not, but I'll keep going until my energy allows me because... I have no other option. Good luck to everyone out there.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#176

Post by switchbak »

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

"HN comments are _NOT_ going to help debugging your mental state" ... I mean in aggregate, sure. But of course there could be people that are offering useful advice, in a well meaning way - that could actually help OP. You're being really negative here, and I think it's unwarranted.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#177

Post by finnthehuman »

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

I can not agree harder.

A rando that knows a little therapy language and has good intentions is dangerous. Turn and run.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#178

Post by switchbak »

otekengineering wrote: post #93
throwawayffffas wrote: post #86

My 2c, stop looking for excuses, stop assigning your self worth to the quality of your work. Mistakes happen, bugs are impossible to avoid. You may need to add rigid processes to your work to avoid the most egregious examples, but you just have to live with the fact that you will write bugs. If you find you write more bugs than your peers and they have more impact than your peers, that's fine maybe you are not cut ou…

> stop assigning your self worth to the quality of your work my personal riff on that is 'stop assigning self worth to the quality that others assign to your work'. being able to internally generate self-worth through the act of producing high quality work is a super power.

Good refinement.

I like Paul Graham's "keep your identity small" piece: https://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html

When you're not personally identified with your work, it stings a whole lot less when someone rips it up. And keep in mind we're imperfect people working with other (often very) imperfect people. It's a mess, and always will be.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#179

Post by shshsjsj »

switchbak wrote: post #176
smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

"HN comments are _NOT_ going to help debugging your mental state" ... I mean in aggregate, sure. But of course there could be people that are offering useful advice, in a well meaning way - that could actually help OP. You're being really negative here, and I think it's unwarranted.

[flagged]

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#180

Post by donkers »

Learn to be your own best friend. My DBT therapist is making me work through this Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook [0]. It feels hokey at the beginning, but it seems to actually be working. Improving your internal self talk and becoming your own advocate and supportive best friend gives you the capacity and perspective to change your behaviors to drag yourself out of the muck.

[0] https://a.co/d/029g4obS

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