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Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

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Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#111

Post by watwut »

JauntyHatAngle wrote: post #107

I find these studies specifically frustrating because they don't answer the most interesting question - is it damaging if your caregiver uses phone a lot but remains responsive. This study specifically excludes it, and fair enough when being honest about the statistical inference and not overreaching, but that is the question I find most interesting as someone who uses my phone to get away from my desk but keep work…

If you use the phone a lot, you are not generating any initiative on your own and are not reponsive to small initiations you dont notice. You are responsive to when kid explicitely comes to you.

Or otherwise said, if you are on the phone a lot, you are creating a barrier to interaction and people (both kids and adults) will eventually end up tired of trying and having less reciprocation.

If you are not physically there, it is actually less frustrating to others then if you create a barrier while being there.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#112

Post by redsocksfan45 »

JauntyHatAngle wrote: post #107

I find these studies specifically frustrating because they don't answer the most interesting question - is it damaging if your caregiver uses phone a lot but remains responsive. This study specifically excludes it, and fair enough when being honest about the statistical inference and not overreaching, but that is the question I find most interesting as someone who uses my phone to get away from my desk but keep work…

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Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#113

Post by skinfaxi »

KeplerBoy wrote: post #99
Ectiseethe wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> wondered what the scene would look like if we all had phones like that. People with headphones looking absentmindedly straight ahead doing their best not to focus on anything, isolating themselves as much as possible to make the complete lack of personal space more bearable. This is already what crowded subways in my city look like when you pass the threshold where people are too cramped to browse their phones. Thi…

Sure, I didn't imagine a utopia of joyful people talking to strangers. That's not what public transport ever looked like, but I do miss the times of a bit more diversity in how people spend their during the commute. Newspapers, books, handheld game consoles (which don't constantly shove ads in front of their users).

Now those books, newspapers and games are available on one device (and without constantly shoving ads down your throat, well except for the news).

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#114

Post by Tade0 »

kqr wrote: post #29

This can be tricky. I know my mother loves me unconditionally, but I also have strong memories of her shutting herself inside her study to read textbooks and journals, and children were not allowed to disturb unless she was strictly needed to handle an accident. I have the same need for cognition as my mother, but I opt not to lock myself in my office. Instead I tell my kids, "I'm around if you need me and I'll keep…

I had a fascinating conversation about this with my 5yo, which started with her asking "why won't you play with me?" and me replying "did you know my dad didn't play with me at all?".

That's not entirely true as I have early memories of him teaching my older sister how to play chess and me occasionally participating, but makes one think about this balance that needs to be struck.

I'm doing somewhat better than my father in this regard, but I wonder what is the healthy amount of attachment really? People are saying I'm going to miss these prompts when they'll grow older, but I don't want to do this just because of FOMO.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#115

Post by yoz-y »

watwut wrote: post #111
JauntyHatAngle wrote: post #107

I find these studies specifically frustrating because they don't answer the most interesting question - is it damaging if your caregiver uses phone a lot but remains responsive. This study specifically excludes it, and fair enough when being honest about the statistical inference and not overreaching, but that is the question I find most interesting as someone who uses my phone to get away from my desk but keep work…

If you use the phone a lot, you are not generating any initiative on your own and are not reponsive to small initiations you dont notice. You are responsive to when kid explicitely comes to you. Or otherwise said, if you are on the phone a lot, you are creating a barrier to interaction and people (both kids and adults) will eventually end up tired of trying and having less reciprocation. If you are not physically the…

The signal is also clear when interacting with adults: the people “over there” are more important.

These days I was “on call” at home and had to be able to answer my phone urgently. And I hated the fact that I needed to glance at my phone at every notification when talking with other people. Truly just having the damn thing is socially damaging.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#116

Post by seereadhack »

jb1991 wrote: post #52

I would love to get rid of my smartphone altogether, actually. I’m just not quite sure how to do it. I need to use a map app often. And most of the announcements and services in my country from companies and schools are all handled through WhatsApp. So it makes it a bit difficult to cut that tether.

Just track your unlocks and try to keep it under let's say 40 in a day. Batching.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#117

Post by halfmatthalfcat »

Obscurity4340 wrote: post #110
JauntyHatAngle wrote: post #107

I find these studies specifically frustrating because they don't answer the most interesting question - is it damaging if your caregiver uses phone a lot but remains responsive. This study specifically excludes it, and fair enough when being honest about the statistical inference and not overreaching, but that is the question I find most interesting as someone who uses my phone to get away from my desk but keep work…

How do your kids feel abot it or have they expressed any frustration with your divided attention?

Moreso they are interested in the phone because we are but I don't necessary sense frustration. Especially if you are "attentive" in that you are willing to context switch back to your kids immediately, I think they see it as another "thing" like a toy or some distraction outside.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#118

Post by bowsamic »

conductr wrote: post #33
bowsamic wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why would I tell my son not to drink beer? He can do so as soon as it’s relatively safe to

“Relatively safe to” is a very official sounding rubric. I guess tell him that and see if you agree on the timing of when that safety threshold has been met. Telling your kid to not drink beer is giving them the courage to say no to drinking beer. I personally don’t just bark out rules with no context. I also have discussions with my kid about why drinking beer can go awry. We all expect that they will, likely before…

I don’t need to give reasons for my son to follow my orders

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#119

Post by modo_mario »

KeplerBoy wrote: post #60
jb1991 wrote: post #52

I would love to get rid of my smartphone altogether, actually. I’m just not quite sure how to do it. I need to use a map app often. And most of the announcements and services in my country from companies and schools are all handled through WhatsApp. So it makes it a bit difficult to cut that tether.

Getting a tiny phone not meant for media consumption is probably the closest you can achieve. You are not going to waste a lot of time watching youtube on a 3" screen, because that's just no fun. The "jelly star" phone looks kind of fun. I just sat in a busy tram and wondered what the scene would look like if we all had phones like that. It's an innteresting thought experiment.

The thing is I'd still need my regular phone for various things and i can't cut the sim in half.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#120

Post by pineapplepizza5 »

KeplerBoy wrote: post #60
jb1991 wrote: post #52

I would love to get rid of my smartphone altogether, actually. I’m just not quite sure how to do it. I need to use a map app often. And most of the announcements and services in my country from companies and schools are all handled through WhatsApp. So it makes it a bit difficult to cut that tether.

Getting a tiny phone not meant for media consumption is probably the closest you can achieve. You are not going to waste a lot of time watching youtube on a 3" screen, because that's just no fun. The "jelly star" phone looks kind of fun. I just sat in a busy tram and wondered what the scene would look like if we all had phones like that. It's an innteresting thought experiment.

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