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Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

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Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#81

Post by 21asdffdsa12 »

coldest_summer wrote: post #66
olafmol wrote: post #56

Now it's smartphones and devices, but in the past it was work. Personally I think these days kids get a lot more attention from their parents than anytime in the past. Even so much that it can be irritating/damaging (parents being "friends/playmates" instead of parents).

Beware the helicopters. Give kids the freedom to make mistakes and suffer the (nonfatal, no loss of life or limb) consequences. Yes, there are cases to intervene, but generally, you should let your kids hurt themselves more. Pain is a very important form of learning. By overprotecting them, they become very vulnerable adults, then worse things happen.

They also become dysfunctional adults, needing a replacement parent, when the parent disappears- which is mostly the state, sometimes a company - and always a example for stunted individual growth.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#82

Post by cpursley »

socalgal2 wrote: post #61
olafmol wrote: post #56

Now it's smartphones and devices, but in the past it was work. Personally I think these days kids get a lot more attention from their parents than anytime in the past. Even so much that it can be irritating/damaging (parents being "friends/playmates" instead of parents).

> (parents being "friends/playmates" instead of parents). That seems like a cultural thing to me. It's common in some countries for daughters ~15yrs to ~40yrs to claim their best friend is their mom.

I don't think you understood what op meant. There's a difference between a child saying this and parenting style.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#83

Post by rmunn »

sevenzero wrote: post #31
mikestorrent wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like an answer from a non-parent, honestly. There's a lot more to it than that, and virtually every couple I know with children thought about it a lot before going ahead. The number one reason is because they see other families and the love and joy that their children bring into their lives. This is inspiring, and brings people around to making the decision, even if they know the sacrifices they will have to m…

So they have kids for their personal joy and completely ignore if their kids even have a chance of a good future, got it. I am sad when I see what kids will be confronted with in the long term. Humans nowadays already cant cope with climate change and wars, this will only be multiplied tenfold for our kids.

That's not what the comment you were replying to (I'm going to avoid using terms like "parent comment" in this particular discussion as they could easily be ambiguous, heh) was saying. You may have missed the part about how "they thought about it a lot before going ahead" (emphasis mine), and also the part about "even if they know the sacrifices they [the parents] will have to make".

Personally, I know (online rather than in person) at least one couple who thought about it a lot, and ended up deciding not to have kids, because they were both carriers of a recessive gene (I forget which) that could have been nasty to whatever kid ended up with both copies. Which is kind of the opposite of "completely ignor[ing] if their kids even have a chance of a good future", IMHO. Other parents thought about it and decided to have only a certain number of kids and no more, because that was how many kids they could afford to raise and launch into a path that potentially leads to a good future.

Now, are there people who have kids for selfish reasons? Yes. I can think of some examples. But the people who think about it a lot and end up deciding to have kids? They're usually (not always, of course, but usually) some of the best parents around, precisely because they've thought about the sacrifices they would have to make and decided they're willing to make them for the sake of their kids' future happiness.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#84

Post by petesergeant »

kqr wrote: post #29

This can be tricky. I know my mother loves me unconditionally, but I also have strong memories of her shutting herself inside her study to read textbooks and journals, and children were not allowed to disturb unless she was strictly needed to handle an accident. I have the same need for cognition as my mother, but I opt not to lock myself in my office. Instead I tell my kids, "I'm around if you need me and I'll keep…

I have an intelligent, agentic adult spouse, and we both know that if we want to get work done, we should go to our own physical space and close the door, because otherwise the other person nearby will keep accidentally interrupting us because we're "just there". I think a child will struggle even more with this.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#85

Post by conductr »

noosphr wrote: post #47
conductr wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Kids also need their own time too. Having a parent constantly interfering is just as bad as having one never showing interest. And you're not a playmate, you're a parent.

The implication was they were asking for a playmate and he’s shutting them down, he has a constant need for intellectual stimulation so has to read instead of engage. I’m all for alone time but if they need it you won’t have to say a word, they’ll just disappear off into their room.

Parenting is not a one dimensional role. A kid that doesn’t see their parent as a playmate is the saddest thing I’ve heard. I hope you’re saying that out of ignorance.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#86

Post by dang »

conductr wrote: post #38
kqr wrote: post #29

This can be tricky. I know my mother loves me unconditionally, but I also have strong memories of her shutting herself inside her study to read textbooks and journals, and children were not allowed to disturb unless she was strictly needed to handle an accident. I have the same need for cognition as my mother, but I opt not to lock myself in my office. Instead I tell my kids, "I'm around if you need me and I'll keep…

[flagged]

This crosses into personal attack and that is not allowed here.

If you wouldn't mind reviewing https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and taking the intended spirit of the site more to heart, we'd be grateful.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#87

Post by 30minAdayHN »

I was getting effected by the "technoference". A few friends when visiting us at our home, are being on phones, scrolling and engaging. I decided to buy a box. Any time friends visit us, they should drop their phones in that box and pick them up while leaving.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#88

Post by sakopov »

godwinson__4-8 wrote: post #23

I often wonder why even today with falling birthrates so many people have kids. It's a personal decision, so not something you would randomly bring up with strangers and not something one really thinks to discuss with friends until someone has a kid. Once they are on the path to question it would be rude. But it strikes me that many parents don't really think about it that much, as in the original rationale. I've had…

I've seen men shed their egos and women become incredible caretakers when they're with their children and they carry some of that joyfulness, compassion and humanity into the world they occupy. It's a sad world without kids.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#89

Post by estetlinus »

mikestorrent wrote: post #27
andsoitis wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> why so many people have kids Biology / evolution. The drive to reproduce is baked in by natural selection. Organisms that didn’t want offspring didn’t pass on genes.

Sounds like an answer from a non-parent, honestly. There's a lot more to it than that, and virtually every couple I know with children thought about it a lot before going ahead. The number one reason is because they see other families and the love and joy that their children bring into their lives. This is inspiring, and brings people around to making the decision, even if they know the sacrifices they will have to m…

Actually, this sounds like an answer from a male non-parent. There’s a drive to reproduce in every biological being. It has never been about comparing towards neighbors, love and joy, etc. I’m a parent, and honestly, it’s just biology.
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