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Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

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Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#31

Post by sevenzero »

mikestorrent wrote: post #27
andsoitis wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> why so many people have kids Biology / evolution. The drive to reproduce is baked in by natural selection. Organisms that didn’t want offspring didn’t pass on genes.

Sounds like an answer from a non-parent, honestly. There's a lot more to it than that, and virtually every couple I know with children thought about it a lot before going ahead. The number one reason is because they see other families and the love and joy that their children bring into their lives. This is inspiring, and brings people around to making the decision, even if they know the sacrifices they will have to m…

So they have kids for their personal joy and completely ignore if their kids even have a chance of a good future, got it. I am sad when I see what kids will be confronted with in the long term. Humans nowadays already cant cope with climate change and wars, this will only be multiplied tenfold for our kids.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#32

Post by jstanley »

godwinson__4-8 wrote: post #23

I often wonder why even today with falling birthrates so many people have kids. It's a personal decision, so not something you would randomly bring up with strangers and not something one really thinks to discuss with friends until someone has a kid. Once they are on the path to question it would be rude. But it strikes me that many parents don't really think about it that much, as in the original rationale. I've had…

> I've had a suspicion there is something unethical about this.

Why?

As a human being who was once born, I am extremely grateful for my existence, and how much thought my parents put into it beforehand is of practically no consequence.

You seem to imply that if parents haven't already committed to giving their kids a perfect childhood with perfect parenting then the kids are better off not living at all?

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#33

Post by conductr »

bowsamic wrote: post #22
scotty79 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

About as much as telling your kid to not drink beer while you are doing it yourself.

Why would I tell my son not to drink beer? He can do so as soon as it’s relatively safe to

“Relatively safe to” is a very official sounding rubric. I guess tell him that and see if you agree on the timing of when that safety threshold has been met.

Telling your kid to not drink beer is giving them the courage to say no to drinking beer. I personally don’t just bark out rules with no context. I also have discussions with my kid about why drinking beer can go awry. We all expect that they will, likely before we’d feel it’s relatively safe. So I want him to at least know what’s in store and how to not make compounding mistakes.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#34

Post by kqr »

godwinson__4-8 wrote: post #23

I often wonder why even today with falling birthrates so many people have kids. It's a personal decision, so not something you would randomly bring up with strangers and not something one really thinks to discuss with friends until someone has a kid. Once they are on the path to question it would be rude. But it strikes me that many parents don't really think about it that much, as in the original rationale. I've had…

There are so many reasons it's hard to be exhaustive.

Selfishly, nobody will love me like my children, at least in their early years. They're also amazing playmates and students. And they give me social permission to do silly things like climb on playground structures. They're also a great excuse to get out of stuff.

Selflessly, I believe me and the mother of our children are sensible people and the world needs more sensible people. Plus someone needs to maintain the replacement rate. And it's a weird, warm, fuzzy feeling to care for one's children at one's own expense.

In the intersection, it's a fun challenge to try to achieve balance in life, work, and family. I also really appreciate the chance to get a do-over of everything my parents did, keeping the good stuff and improving on the bad.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#35

Post by dizlexic »

Gigachad wrote: post #13
scotty79 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

About as much as telling your kid to not drink beer while you are doing it yourself.

Aside from the physical/chemical damage alcohol does to developing brains, alcohol addiction is bad for adults too. We just concede that after childhood you can make your own choice to ruin your life. Phone addiction is harmful to everyone at all age groups. It's not really the individuals to blame through. The tech companies have broken human psychology and developed something more addictive than drugs.

Spoken like someone who hasn't really done drugs.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#36

Post by tayo42 »

microtonal wrote: post #21
tayo42 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wyh can't it be something like I don't want you to end up like me? I don't think it's hypocritical Changing habits is hard enough on it's own.parenthood and modern life makes that even more difficult

Changing habits is hard enough on it's own. parenthood and modern life makes that even more difficult It is possible to make changes, I would say this is one of the easier bad habits to beat. The best is to start with fixed moments where you as a family decide phones are forbidden. For example, shortly after our daughter was born, we decided "no phones during eating (breakfast/lunch/dinner)". When both parents are in…

It's not impossible,but on top of all the other stresses in life you need to sit down and figure out this new problem too? You have got to at least sympathize with the situation. I know I've regressed on phone use since my child was born.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#37

Post by godwinson__4-8 »

jstanley wrote: post #32
godwinson__4-8 wrote: post #23

I often wonder why even today with falling birthrates so many people have kids. It's a personal decision, so not something you would randomly bring up with strangers and not something one really thinks to discuss with friends until someone has a kid. Once they are on the path to question it would be rude. But it strikes me that many parents don't really think about it that much, as in the original rationale. I've had…

> I've had a suspicion there is something unethical about this. Why? As a human being who was once born, I am extremely grateful for my existence, and how much thought my parents put into it beforehand is of practically no consequence. You seem to imply that if parents haven't already committed to giving their kids a perfect childhood with perfect parenting then the kids are better off not living at all?

You can browse the Wikipedia article I linked. It offers a few possible answers to this why question.

As for myself I would simply summarize that making an important choice such as bringing life into the world, without considering the consequences, is already somewhat unethical. One should think before taking an action that has irreversible consequences to anyone. In this case, the person being born. I wouldn't say I'm an antinatalist, I just find it interesting. On a rational level I'm not sure there are many good arguments against some of the conclusions there. If there are I'd be interested in hearing them. The fact that you are personally grateful for your existence is a pretty weak argument imo. If you had never been born you would not be around to know the difference. However had your existence been different it is not so hard to imagine you might feel differently. Surely your life is not so peachy that a scan of that article will be incomprehensible to you. Then again, perhaps you simply lived a far better life than I.

I'm not taking a position one way or the other. As I said, I just find it interesting.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#38

Post by conductr »

kqr wrote: post #29

This can be tricky. I know my mother loves me unconditionally, but I also have strong memories of her shutting herself inside her study to read textbooks and journals, and children were not allowed to disturb unless she was strictly needed to handle an accident. I have the same need for cognition as my mother, but I opt not to lock myself in my office. Instead I tell my kids, "I'm around if you need me and I'll keep…

[flagged]

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#39

Post by eloisant »

sevenzero wrote: post #30
andsoitis wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> why so many people have kids Biology / evolution. The drive to reproduce is baked in by natural selection. Organisms that didn’t want offspring didn’t pass on genes.

Weird how I dont have this drive huh

Not that weird, you're in the majority now and birth rates are plummeting all over the world.

Re: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond

#40

Post by andai »

kqr wrote: post #29

This can be tricky. I know my mother loves me unconditionally, but I also have strong memories of her shutting herself inside her study to read textbooks and journals, and children were not allowed to disturb unless she was strictly needed to handle an accident. I have the same need for cognition as my mother, but I opt not to lock myself in my office. Instead I tell my kids, "I'm around if you need me and I'll keep…

I don't have kids but I've been thinking about how, I would probably need some kind of office separate from the house.

In fact that's probably a big part of why offices exist in the first place. If I had kids here then for much of the day, they would be trying to interact with me and I would be either getting distracted from work or shooing them away.

What I'm actually there I would want to be fully present with them. It goes without saying that I would follow the example of the people who invented the stuff, and not give them a brainrot device in the first place.

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