Happiness comes from making sincere efforts in challenging endeavors that at least some other people think are worthwhile.
Most lives are lived by default
41–50 of 138 posts
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#42A friend of mine with a dark and cynical wit, with whom I was enjoying a good dinner at a large and crowded restaurant, looked around him and declared: "So this is what people do? They just exist."
That is the end of the conversation on happiness and most people for me. Despite being brilliant and greatly successful in their chosen fields, not a person I was friends with in school is now in a job that they take joy in. None of my old coworkers who talked on and on about how they hated their jobs have moved on to better things. The most contented people I know do not do very much with their lives. These are not the 'successful' people, nor are they people with whom I would want to spend an enormous amount of time, as they do not have much of interest to say.
It has been suggested that melancholia and depression are deeply related to intelligence and creativity. Good; bring it on. I would much rather have moments of doubt and darkness and get to enjoy all the fruits of the intellectual and creative life than the banal calmness of normal existence.
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#43I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…
> Say you go on this quest to find the best city to live in. You find a good one, and you're not unhappy. But you'll always have that doubt: "What if I had quested just a little more? Would I have found an even better city?" And that'll bum you out. It becomes the anxiety of "what if".
It's like looking for the 'perfect distro'. Just pick one and learn to love it.
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#44At age 27 after working as a Software Engineer since graduating, I could see the writing on the wall. I was "Jamie" as described in this article. I made a conscious decision right then to turn off the "Life autopilot switch" as I call it. I quit my good job, sold all my stuff, and spent 2 years driving 65,000km from Alaska to Argentina in my little 2 door Jeep. It was a life changing experience, and I was shocked whe…
Fantastic, thanks for sharing!
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#45Earlier quoted context omitted.
I directly disagree with this post and take a naturalist approach. People aren't unhappy because they want more; they are unhappy because their basic needs aren't met. And by needs I don't mean material needs, but basic self realization needs. We actually need very little to be happy, but people now live their lives in way they were not designed to be. As a primordial tribesmen, all people needed were the love and ca…
While I'm no expert on the matter that sounds like an awfully rose-coloured view of the life of a typical "primordial tribesman".
Yes it is, I'm glossing over what could have robbed the primordial tribesmen of the same satisfaction, such as a dominating chief, subjugation by neighbors, failure to contribute to your tribe and thus be demoted, environmental changes causing a hunter to resort to farming...
There were challenges, but generally you had the opportunity to overcome them as the default path. Today the default path does not necessarily lead to self actualization.
Many of us who post here happen to want the same thing: freelancing, side project income, small business, start up. This can't simply be a coincidence, and in my view what they have in common is the autonomy and accomplishment needs we have.
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#46I'm in San Francisco now, running a startup, precisely because I cast off my old life. It could have gone horribly wrong (and indeed it has on many occasions), but I couldn't imagine going back to my old job writing Java code for a bank.
Every now and again I think back to that. At this exact moment, I could be sitting in my old cubicle, watching that same stretch of bridge under the gray skies outside my window, thinking of the things that could have been if only...
The one most important lesson I've learned in casting off from the moorings of a safe life is that no matter what crazy shit happens, I always find a way to come out on top in the end, even if there are a few months or even years of bad times in between. One thing's for sure: I never get bored.
A life of interesting times is not for everyone. You need to have a fairly high tolerance to uncertainty. You need to be able to improvise, because things will rarely go according to plan. You need the strength of will to stand back up even when it hurts. But even with this said, you'd be VERY surprised at how strong you can be when the need arises.
Not everyone is alike. Not everyone would appreciate this kind of life. But if you're sitting there in your comfortable life, wondering what it could be like, stop wondering and just GO!
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#47I actually agree with the author to a very large extent, based on this, I'm going to try to move to a new city starting next year ..
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#48At age 27 after working as a Software Engineer since graduating, I could see the writing on the wall. I was "Jamie" as described in this article. I made a conscious decision right then to turn off the "Life autopilot switch" as I call it. I quit my good job, sold all my stuff, and spent 2 years driving 65,000km from Alaska to Argentina in my little 2 door Jeep. It was a life changing experience, and I was shocked whe…
I'm about your age and I did the same thing in my early 20's.
I chose the Marine Corps instead of college as my way out. After, I still didn't have enough so I chose adventures, sold everything, kept nothing to continually indulge in my wanderlust instead of sitting in a cube.
But...
And I say this with as much love as I can muster to a stranger that I see as a kindred spirit.
But...
What did you find at the end? Was it nothing? Because that's what I found. I'm just a tourist.
There's nothing. And one day you might realize all that running, all that effort exerted, it got you no where.
You might also arrive at the final destination realizing that your existence and your way to exist is but merely at the mercy of the system.
Your friends that kept doing the same things? With the same blank expressions?
You're not better than them. I thought I was, but the final destination is to realize you're not.
You exist because they exist. If everyone was going out to do and chase whatever it is they want there will be no room for you. Ordered society will succumb to chaos and nothing will be done. There will be no roads for you to travel, no places for you to tour, no joy for you to find.
In all, there's no blackness for your star to shine.
You have to accept that. And in doing so you might find that the steady ones, the one that did everything they were told, might end up being the ones that have the most. Compared to you, the one that gave up to always pursuing something else.
Because that's actually the immature way of handling life. And that's the continually reaction I keep getting from people that's done the same thing. Thinking that the replacement of running for life is somehow worth something to keep telling others.
That if you're given the lucky opportunity to be born into an environment providing for a good life in the good part of the world, you should take that and make good on it.
Because others? In worse places, having to do worse things to survive. They would do every single possible thing short of dying to be in your position. Yet you chose to be a tourist. Building nothing, doing nothing, creating nothing, but indulging in everything.
Do good, be good. Age and experience grants you wisdom that running doesn't get you any closer to those two things.
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#49I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…
I definitely agree. As a recent graduate, I was constantly plagued with thoughts like that. "Did I choose the right company? Area?" etc. It all comes down to, as you've alluded to, having perspective. I set a goal early in my undergraduate career to be in the very position I'm in today: working for a stable company with a lot of job security, and the ability to use it as a stepping stone in the event I'd like to take…
my grass is already as green as I had always wanted it.
Which becomes its own struggle. Once you've hit an optimal shade of green, there is nothing left to do. Half of the enjoyment comes from actively working to make your proverbial lawn grow to be so green. Do you rip it up and start over to relive that enjoyment, or sit back and watch it grow?
Re: Most lives are lived by default
#50I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…
I agree completely that happiness comes from within. And yet there is a duality that has always struck me as important, though hard to explain: it's easiest to be happy when you're striving toward a goal you believe in. But you need to keep your sense of self, your ego, non-attached to the outcome of the striving. That is, you need to invest yourself 100% into doing things that are important to you, but remain detach…
Marc Aurel:
If something in the exterior world makes you discontent, then it is not that object which troubles you, but rather your judgement of it; yet to blot out this judgement instantly is within your power. And if your dissatisfaction is based on the condition of your soul, who can prohibit you from correcting your views? Likewise, if you are discontent because you are not doing what seems reasonable to you, why not be active rather than discontent? "But something stronger than me is obstructing me." Still, do not be discontent; for the cause for your inaction is not within you. "But life has no meaning for me if this is not done." Well then, end your life, as calm as if you had succeeded; but don't forget to forgive your adversaries.
Words that strike me in their simplicity and depth every time I read them, but that's Marc Aurel for ya :)