How to ask for help from people who don't know you • Hacker News Board

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#91

Post by abdullahkhalids » Sat, Jul 04, 2026, 3:00 AM UTC

rconti wrote: post #65

Proof of work is tricky, IMO. I think I tend to over-prove my work. I'll explain the request, and then mention the first three-or-five-or-whatever things I've tried, including what went wrong. I always thought it was most important to show I'm serious and that I've tried everything I can try before asking for help, but I think this hurts response rates. I think the reality is that most people don't want to read a wal…

In text, you have the advantage of putting things in any order, with the assurance that the reader knows exactly how long the message is.

Always start your email to a busy/important person with exactly what you want from them. Within the first two sentences. Then peel the onion, giving details from more important to less important.

This gives the reader opportunity to stop reading at any point having decided to help you or not, with the least waste of their time. In many case, the person can skill your description of your work, and just tell you what to do.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#92

Post by Tryk » Sat, Jul 04, 2026, 3:18 PM UTC

mtlynch wrote: post #40

mrtb wrote: post #12

I've been DM'ing randos on LinkedIn for lightweight consults and found that offering to pay up front and asking strangers to price their own time can help to show seriousness and often results in free interactions or buy-me-a-coffee pricing. e.g. "Hey I love your work on X, I've been thinking about / working on related thing Y and would love your feedback on aspect Z. How much $$ to rent your brain for 20 minutes? I'…

This is what Jason Cohen did when he was getting WPEngine off the ground. He messaged 40 WordPress consultants on LinkedIn and offered to pay them higher than their hourly rate since it was a one-off task.[0] Out of 40 messages, 38 replied and agreed to a phone call, and none of them actually asked for the money. [0] https://mtlynch.io/notes/designing-the-ideal-bootstrapped-bu...

This works 100% of the time for cigarettes, ask if you can pay for one and they give you one for free.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#93

Post by gofreddygo » Sat, Jul 04, 2026, 3:25 PM UTC

jackconsidine wrote: post #14

This was an excellently written, salient post with some good tidbits. I've learned some of these lessons the hard way. I'll add a few. Proof of work is important, but it's not about the magnitude of energy you spend. I went through two iterations of reaching out to my college network. The first time I put so much time into handwriting notes and trying to provide my relatable background. 100 notes, not a single respon…

How to ask for help is an under-discussed important topic.

Women are way better at asking for help and getting it as compared to men.

there's some very well-known psychology tricks that you can use to get better outcomes. Cialdini's book and Munger's speech on psychological bias are first class.

you want to be opportunistic but not too attached to your ask.

ask for a lot and then back off works tremendously better even with kids

perception (looks, reputation, stereotypes) have an outsized impact on outcomes. look at any successful sales department for proof of this. perception can be faked unfortunately.

put hard limits (of time) on your ask. make it clear that its a one time ask.

The most counterintuitive aspect (covered in the article) is that you'll get a yes more often if it's easy for them to say no.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#94

Post by shwetarkadam257 » Sat, Jul 04, 2026, 4:57 PM UTC

hershey890 wrote: post #45

FinnLobsien wrote: post #8

The problem here is that most points are about how to formulate your ask. I think the biggest thing is that you're much more likely to get help if you show you're doing the best to solve it yourself. There's a big difference between: "Hey, I saw this job at [company you work at], could you refer me please? I'm [lists skills and experience]" and "Hey I'm thinking of applying to [company you work at] for the product de…

I refer a lot of people and I would be more likely to respond to the first one. Provided they supply a job link, their resume, and they were well qualified and polite. In the second one it’s really obvious to me that they just want a referral. It would annoy me that they are making me read extraneous information.

I agree here as well first one is direct upto the point and doesnt beat around the bush

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#95

Post by 946789987649 » Sun, Jul 05, 2026, 7:55 AM UTC

Tryk wrote: post #92

mtlynch wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is what Jason Cohen did when he was getting WPEngine off the ground. He messaged 40 WordPress consultants on LinkedIn and offered to pay them higher than their hourly rate since it was a one-off task.[0] Out of 40 messages, 38 replied and agreed to a phone call, and none of them actually asked for the money. [0] https://mtlynch.io/notes/designing-the-ideal-bootstrapped-bu...

This works 100% of the time for cigarettes, ask if you can pay for one and they give you one for free.

Note: This may not work on students

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#96

Post by lyerox0 » Mon, Jul 06, 2026, 1:35 AM UTC

laxpri wrote: post #81

johnathan101 wrote: post #11

[flagged]

how to make this clear in the conversation(example) ,or just "feel free to say no".

[dead]

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#97

Post by elzbardico » Thu, Jul 09, 2026, 10:37 AM UTC

sokoloff wrote: post #79

jongjong wrote: post #61

It's incredibly difficult for me to ask for help because I was raised to always pull myself up by the bootstraps. This attitude has seeped into my moral framework. If I get help, it's special treatment; it's an unfair advantage that I'm getting which will harm other people who have to compete against me. I wish people would just stop 'helping' each other (as it is currently). Help should only be given to people who a…

Thinking that all help that you get comes at the direct (even if diffused) harm of others is a fixed-pie mentality. Everyone gets help; most everyone gives help to others; it’s essential to the functioning of our complex society and is how we aren’t living in trees and caves anymore. Success is impossible without receiving help. I have someone that I’ve never met who helps by ensuring that reliable power arrives via…

Everyone who proudly mentions the fixed pie fallacy usually ignores that a lot of "truths" in economics: a) Make sense only at an aggregate, whole economy, sometimes even whole world level. b) And doesn't happen instantaneously, leading to the famous Keynes phrase: "In the long run, we will be all dead". c) Are defined in very simplified models and require a lot of premises to hold, for the results to be valid (the also famous: "All else equal").

Also, your examples of help are way more broadly defined than what the parent poster is talking about. It takes a stretch of imagination to classify the fact that people are working for wage to make sure I have water with specific programs that give arbitrary groups some advantage, even when this is done with the best possible intentions.