Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

Of course there can be different goals, but I think there's something omitted. It's not quite neutral to put aside some goals for other goals. Reading that your friend wants emotional support rather than truth seeking or to understand their coworkers different values is fine, but also sometimes it's not for the best. The choice of when and when not is a choice, it's fuzzy and reflective of one's values. It's not the sole choice of one person that the other has to then read and adhere to either.

Sometimes friends are wrong to the point of the truth being more important than emotional support. More important for them to hear, or for you to stay aligned to your own values, or for the parties they're mentioning to get fair treatment. It's not so interesting me saying that broadly as I have, it matters where one has chosen that point to be, not that the point exists somewhere.

It's not neutral of me to recognize that the jokey casual conversation I'm having at a bbq is a vibes convo and thus if the jokes start suggesting distorted assertions about different races I should adhere and join (or even just nod politely). Or more mildly, as my friend starts complaining about their boss, who I think might be right, there is some point when I think it might be best for them to know.

Most of these goals are not strictly opposed to each other. They only look opposed when the thing we want starts to contradict with some of the agreed upon "facts" of the situation, and then we say the facts aren't always what matters. To oversimplify, if you choose to give your friend emotional support over truth then they will get the support and be wrong (or vice versa). This is okay if that's the right tradeoff here, but it shouldn't be distorted into belief that your friend is right. And being willing to do that in circumstances A and not in circumstances B is reflective of one's values.

but you don't need to be a subject matter expert on wind turbine material strength and recycling options to accept that President Trump's claims that they kill whales is nonsense: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-66928305

"I want to be a whale psychiatrist" - President of the United States of America Donald Trump, interviewed on The Joe Rogan Experience, October 2024.

And you don't need to be an expert on wind turbine placement to have an opinion on whether putting one in view of Donald Trump's golf course, and then having President Trump scupper them for revenge, is a sensible way to govern the world's most powerful country's energy economy: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c15l3knp4xyo

From that article: "Before making the transatlantic crossing for his Scottish summer jaunt, the US president urged the UK to "get rid of the windmills and bring back the oil".". The Conservative government under David Cameron made a change to planning policy in 2015 where a single objection could block a whole wind farm - and those planning changes only applied to wind turbines and no other structures - a situation described as a "de facto ban" of on-shore wind farms in England (not Scotland), which lead to a 96% drop in on-shore wind development compared to previous years 2011 to 2015. It continued until Rishi Sunak eased it in 2023 and Labour removed it in 2024.

You don't need to be an expert on wind farm placement or capacity to have a valid opinion on that.

Climate change being man made is a scientific fact as in humans are driving the majority of warming since the industrial revolution by pumping increasing amounts of green house gases in the atmosphere. This warming is simple physics even if the effect on weather is complex. Venus is an example of run-way greenhouse warming.

A ten year old can debate what they want, opinions don't change scientific facts (burning fossil fuels puts greenhouse gases in the air which trap heat from the sun). Consensus meaning most most climatologists agree on what the data and models are telling them.

There are not two sides to the basic facts of the matter (complexities around which models are more accurate or what society should do is a separate matter).

I understand completely. I have colleagues who have been denied promotions and bonuses due to their way of communicating, which was indeed pointing out esoteric and nuanced ways that their colleagues are wrong. There was a specific scenario were someone held a slightly incoherent opinion, yet somehow it was "wrong" to correct that opinion for the rest of the meeting.

In some ways, I feel like everyone should start by reading the HN guidelines as a way to structure their communication around.

"ship the thing they think is wrong and let reality settle it"

Sorry this just does not work... if what is being shipped is harmful to your own work or the rest of the company I feel I should speak up.

Sometimes the person/people normally doing ego defending often tries to blame everything/one else over their view or project.

If someone is trying to defend a telnet session into a banking server, live on the internet in 2026 then hey dude this has to be called out. (( I am not saying I have been in this position in 2026 )) but even the year I was in this position it was 100% unacceptable and needed fixing.