Most arguments are about ego, not ideas • Hacker News Board

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#41

Post by Altern4tiveAcc » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:51 PM UTC

I stopped engaging in arguments once I realized there's very little to gain by trying to convince someone you're right (regardless of who's actually right).

If there's nothing major at stake (say, trying to convincing someone with cancer to seek treatment instead of ignoring it), it's not worth your (or their) time.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#42

Post by ripe » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:52 PM UTC

My human-written summary:

Most people are ego-driven and won't listen to your logical arguments. They will only get angry with you even if you're right. So don't argue with them. Give advice only if they ask.

If you really know something others don't realize, maybe that's a valuable edge for you to profit from. Use it.

And don't hesitate to ask others for advice when it might help you.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#43

Post by xenocratus » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:52 PM UTC

There is arguing, and then there is arguing. The whole post discusses whether to argue or not, without touching on the fairly important (imho) topic of how to argue and how not to argue.

Vast majority of people probably hate to argue with someone who's a jerk during said argument, regardless of their correctness.

I've also found myself arguing against someone whose point I actually support, but who is arguing in a non-sensical way, or with bad arguments for said point. Because I don't want that point to be dragged down by easy-to-defeat arguments, even if I then have to fight both sides.

But anyway: how you argue matters, put some effort into it, and don't assume that being right means you're doing a good job.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#44

Post by inglor_cz » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:53 PM UTC

AussieWog93 wrote: post #9

[flagged]

One of the most tiring and depressing developments of 2026 is that nowadays, every single discussion relating to every single blog post out there degenerates into a "This is AI slop" accusation fest.

I would be a huge friend of introducing a new rule on the Hacker News that whoever accuses others of using AI and cannot support his accusation by something substantial, gets permabanned.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#45

Post by malfist » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:53 PM UTC

MichaelApproved wrote: post #21

Dumblydorr wrote: post #4

They never mention they could’ve been wrong. The author assumes they’re always right, but that trying to convince others and argue them to their right side is not valuable. How about: maybe I’m wrong and I didn’t let their ideas influence me. How about: even when I think I’m right, it will be better to calmly kindly discuss, listening as much as talking, not debating or arguing or speaking over them, but attempting t…

The point being made is to pick your battles. The author’s point is that, even if you are correct 100% of the time, fighting every battle is toxic to yourself and everyone around you. They are saying to look past the fact that you might be right and consider that it’s not worth the effort anyway. Now, I will attempt to put down my phone and not respond to any replies I get to the contrary. Sweating intensifies…

I've been reading the writings of stoic philosophers each morning and journaling about what I read and I think this fits in well with that philosophy. We're all here on Earth to enrich ourselves (and I don't mean materially) and those around us. Arguing with strangers online is antithetical to that premise. You don't better yourself by engaging in pointless squabbling, and you don't enrich the other person or those around you by doing so. They probably won't change their mind, and you're probably not going to either. If the outcome is foretold, what's the value produced from the effort?

Epictetus writes that the truely educated aren't quarrelsome. "The beautiful and good person neither fights with anyone nor, as much as they are able, permits others to fight.. this is the meaning of getting an education - learning what is your own affair and what is not. If a person carries themselves so, where is there any room for fighting?"

What is the goal when you start arguing with someone online? Is that goal achievable?

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#46

Post by ta2112 » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:53 PM UTC

Dumblydorr wrote: post #4

They never mention they could’ve been wrong. The author assumes they’re always right, but that trying to convince others and argue them to their right side is not valuable. How about: maybe I’m wrong and I didn’t let their ideas influence me. How about: even when I think I’m right, it will be better to calmly kindly discuss, listening as much as talking, not debating or arguing or speaking over them, but attempting t…

Also most things worth arguing over fall somewhere in the middle, and won’t have an absolute right answer. It sounds like the author has learned something important though.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#47

Post by thomastjeffery » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:54 PM UTC

They say "arguing", but really this is about bickering. Arguments are constructive. Bickering is just engagement. I argue with people so I can construct my worldview, and maybe sometimes even construct the world around me. And, being honest, I occasionally find myself bickering, too; though I do tend to avoid it well.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#48

Post by ravenstine » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:54 PM UTC

What the author says about ego goes both ways. People often reject arguments because of ego. Arguments can imply that they way someone has been doing something is suboptimal or even flat out wrong, or at least that's how they may be perceived. Even if something you're arguing for can improve the situation, the other parties may refuse to give it a chance because they need to protect their egos.

At some point, people have to introduce ideas into a broader consciousness, even if they clash with other ideas. How else will anything actually get done? Putting forth an argument doesn't necessarily have to come from the ego. Even if one does come from the ego, that doesn't mean the idea itself is bad.

I've mostly stopped trying to argue or debate on any topic because the probability of being chronically misunderstood usually outweighs any benefit that would come from successfully persuading the other person. I'm never convinced that I'm 100% right on anything, and life is too short to spend it arguing with those who do; which describes a lot of people.

The other reason I rarely argue anymore is that, if I am correct on something, reality usually proves that I was. That doesn't mean everyone else is gonna say "Ravenstine was actually right", because they never do, but at least I get the satisfaction of having been able to trust myself.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#49

Post by thin_carapace » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:54 PM UTC

bkieffer wrote: post #35

Do we care that 100% of this writing was generated with AI?

everything being ai is the only reason i stopped arguing hard. because as somebody else today put it, there are notable signs of widespread coordinated activity intended to skew the noise to signal ratio. i see it everywhere on the net nowadays, bots hammering hard on the most minor percievable conflict. this behaviour is technically a simulacrum of real human activity - it closely mimics the training set of reddit comments. but what im seeing is insane amounts of toxicity more than ive ever seen on the net. not worth giving an inch anymore.

Re: Most arguments are about ego, not ideas

#50

Post by thrw045 » Wed, Jul 01, 2026, 1:55 PM UTC

Dumblydorr wrote: post #4

They never mention they could’ve been wrong. The author assumes they’re always right, but that trying to convince others and argue them to their right side is not valuable. How about: maybe I’m wrong and I didn’t let their ideas influence me. How about: even when I think I’m right, it will be better to calmly kindly discuss, listening as much as talking, not debating or arguing or speaking over them, but attempting t…

You should read the whole thing. At the end he switches the argument on to himself and says that one should always ask questions, put the ego away and try to get better. He already made the point you made.