Live data from Hacker News

Becoming a dad changes men's brains

scientificamerican.com

81–90 of 112 posts

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#81

Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories. But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction: I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

The Life of Dad was a good companion through the pregnancy, even if the author preaches a bit in some areas that felt off. It explains the massive mental transformation for fathers, the impact of testosterone, and why you’re “more affected” (so to speak) by being an involved father.

I had a spell of absurd anxiety. I’m not the same person in many ways. Being a dad is frekking cool and the weirdest challenge of my life.

And to your last point… I’m such a chill, no-violence dude, but once a drunk teenager walked into us and yelled at my baby. I was shocked, but 5 seconds later I only wanted to have access to a gun to shoot that teen right there and then. Yikes.

I don’t think any children should be harmed in a conflict. The knowledge of that, or of what we used to do to children in the past, are both things that can ruin a day for me.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I slept way less and more fragmented when I was a student.

That is almost too hard to believe. Sleep less? Ok. More fragmented? Doubtful, unless your baby slept more than 4hrs straight in their infancy.

Students also tend to be younger. We could all survive on 4h as young adults, I imagine.

Our kid sleeps like crap, some nights I don’t get any full cycles (~90 minutes in adults).

I’ve no idea why we’re trying for a second, send help.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I slept way less and more fragmented when I was a student.

That is almost too hard to believe. Sleep less? Ok. More fragmented? Doubtful, unless your baby slept more than 4hrs straight in their infancy.

My wife and I set up sleep shifts during the first two months. I would sleep from 9 PM to 3 AM, then we'd spend an hour all together, then she'd sleep from 4 AM to 10 AM. During a person's sleep time, they were not to be disturbed except for an emergency. We'd also sleep anytime the baby was napping.

It kept us sane. Just knowing that we would each get hours of uninterrupted sleep was great.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#86

Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories. But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction: I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

I used to work in digital forensics and I used to occasionally see horrible things as part of that work; child abuse material, beheading videos and the like.

I’d become largely desensitised to the content, but after becoming a parent I just couldn’t deal with the CAM anymore.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#87

Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories. But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction: I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

I used to work in digital forensics and I used to occasionally see horrible things as part of that work; child abuse material, beheading videos and the like. I’d become largely desensitised to the content, but after becoming a parent I just couldn’t deal with the CAM anymore.

Jesus dude, could you edit that to be less explicit please.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#88
post #6

Becoming a dad simultaneously made me more empathetic (seeing a little person from the beginning for all they are) but also more impatient (fewer hours in the day), but beyond that not much. Given the notoriety about some of the techniques referenced in this article [0] curious if others notice anything more consistent. 0: https://academic.oup.com/brain/article/140/8/e53/4032512

I can add to the personal experience piece. I am way more emphatic, to the point I apparently now tear up on certain movies/shows. Also yeah way more impatient and honestly more selfish now due to lack of personal time.

Hell, some TV commercials make me tear up.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#89
post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is almost too hard to believe. Sleep less? Ok. More fragmented? Doubtful, unless your baby slept more than 4hrs straight in their infancy.

My wife and I set up sleep shifts during the first two months. I would sleep from 9 PM to 3 AM, then we'd spend an hour all together, then she'd sleep from 4 AM to 10 AM. During a person's sleep time, they were not to be disturbed except for an emergency. We'd also sleep anytime the baby was napping. It kept us sane. Just knowing that we would each get hours of uninterrupted sleep was great.

+1 to this method. Prior to having a reserved ~6 hour slot of sleep the lack of sleep was getting BAD.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#90

As a dad, I have a strong compulsion to tell (bad) dad jokes. Ideally puns. All the time. I didn't used to be this way.

Are your kids teenagers already? Telling them in front of their friends is 10x better.

Yup. The closer I am to her friends... the stronger the compulsion. It's like magnetism.
Post reply on HN