Tell HN: Happy Fathers Day

New dad to an 8.5 month old. It's changed my life in ways I couldn't imagine. It's been hard but so rewarding. Today was my first father's day and it couldn't have been better.

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads here. And happy Father's Day to my own Dad, who isn't with us anymore, but gave me a great upbringing and lessons I'll carry with me the rest of my life.

- was angry at him 2 yrs back on this day and did not wish him

- lost him 2 months later

- FML

Dear @HerbManic.

I know it's difficult but keep going, I know you will. Be strong, I send you my best vibes and hope that you get some good news on that relatively soon.

I truly wish you the best, I'm sure you'll be phenomenal parents.

Thanks for the book suggestion, I’ll give it a read

Congratulations as you start an amazing journey, one you'll play a major role in scripting (but not the exclusive role).

I learned too late the lessons qwerpy expressed very well in https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48623191.

"how am I gonna teach all the good things"

I propose that you eschew the temptation to overwhelm the child with activities that you enjoy. A more subtle approach could work better: for instance, rather than insist on learning a specific music instrument in a rigid schedule, leave one within reach. Play it yourself and later (may be days later,) when the child picks it up, drop_the_phone and really, genuinely express your happiness and appreciation!

In general, let the child show you what intrigues them and then purchase whatever could help deepen their interest. However, now that you've made a purchase, don't go: "I bought this and now you've lost interest; such a waste of money." Their interests naturally bounce around and may come around again. See this not as a waste but an investment.

Anything (your time or your purchases,) that spurs them to discover their intrinsic motivation, is as an investment. Not all investments yield a positive ROI but given enough investments and enough time, your participation and your attention compounds!

I was with a young father this weekend, celebrating his son's 1st birthday. I'll leave you the advice I gave him and wish I had: time with your boy is not fungible. Given where you are in your career, you might feel extreme pressure to put off activities with your son. Don't! Rather than insist on doing something fun only when your calendar has a tiny opening, see every moment the child gives you his attention, as a tremendous gift. Don't waste it but (to the maximum extent possible,) drop whatever you're immersed in and fully give him your attention and time. Show him in that instant, how much he means to you. This too is an investment with a very long term ROI.

In due course, as a child grows up, the role their parents play in their mind-space, starts to shrink. Before then, there's a window in which a boy's hero is his father. Don't blow it by thinking you can ignore him then and make up later.

"how am I gonna teach all the good things"

Be open to your child teaching you many more good things too.

Finally, resist the temptation to show them a smartphone or screen, for as long you can [1]:

"These studies are more evidence that it’s a good idea to avoid lots of screen time in infancy (birth to 18 months). Infants just don’t have the cognitive skills to learn from screens at this age, and it gets in the way of activities that build brains, such as talking to infants, back-and-forth play, singing, or reading together. Research shows that products or programs claiming they are able to help babies learn language or regulate emotions are not telling the truth."

(father of two girls)

[1] https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/media-and-children/cente...