Life: Immigration
Programming: Embracing the cloud
Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
141–150 of 230 posts
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#142Life: forgiving my wife after she had an affair. It was hard, but a single mistake doesn't negate the fact that she is a great mom, we are good together and our son deserves a shot at having his dad in the house. Programming: learning by doing instead of by reading. I started learning Rails when I wanted to build PicDigest and the mistakes I've made have helped me learn faster on a broader foundation.
I think if the couple can come to terms between themselves, then forgiving one affair could be a good thing. But only one.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#143Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nope. I'm Scott. It's public knowledge. We were separated for eight months as a result of the affair. Everyone who knows us knows the reason for the separation.
If you've really forgiven her then maybe you shouldn't be telling the rest of the world too.
Absolutely forgiven her. It's something we talk about. We help other couples dealing with the same type of hardship. Keeping it to ourselves doesn't prove forgiveness and it keeps us from helping others.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#144Life: forgiving my wife after she had an affair. It was hard, but a single mistake doesn't negate the fact that she is a great mom, we are good together and our son deserves a shot at having his dad in the house. Programming: learning by doing instead of by reading. I started learning Rails when I wanted to build PicDigest and the mistakes I've made have helped me learn faster on a broader foundation.
This would've been a great comment if it hadn't have your real name attached to it.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#145Giving up video games in my 20s. If I hadn't done that, I'd still be stuck in front of a game somewhere. Those things will eat your life.
I only gave up video games because my favorite game got shut down...Tanarus - anyone ever heard of this game? It was run by Sony Online Entertainment during the last years of it's existence but it was put out by Verant Interactive in the mid 90's...probably one of the most addictive "FPS" tank games of it's day...was fun as hell
Ah yes, I remember those days. SOE had Tanarus, Infantry, and Cosmic Rift out, which were all fun in their own way.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#146Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nope. I'm Scott. It's public knowledge. We were separated for eight months as a result of the affair. Everyone who knows us knows the reason for the separation.
If you've really forgiven her then maybe you shouldn't be telling the rest of the world too.
Publicly acknowledging his wife's affair could be seen as an act of forgiveness- he is showing that he isn't ashamed his wife had an affair. Protecting secrets implies the past affair is shameful even today, that his wife needs to feel constantly ashamed, and gives those who discover the secret the power to embarrass or emotionally attack him and his wife. Refusing to hide it is a public declaration that it really doesn't matter today.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#147Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nope. I'm Scott. It's public knowledge. We were separated for eight months as a result of the affair. Everyone who knows us knows the reason for the separation.
I admire (and even envy) your ability to be transparent, although it has left me questioning the purpose of social taboos and whether or not the custom of attempting to keep knowledge of things like extramarital affairs private is beneficial or not. As 'jaquesm points out above, publicising it could be seen as a form of "public shaming". Attempting to hide it, however, leads to people in your community speaking in hu…
Being open about the affair has many benefits.
It cripples the rumor mill, taking away the secretive intrigue. If it's out in the open, people have less to speculate about and less to talk about.
It makes it possible for us to help other couples going through it. Dealing with this can be an incredibly lonely experience. We want to help make it less lonely for couples.
Keeping it a secret doesn't help anyone and it's only built on the social need to keep up appearances. That's useless in a world where the only people's opinions that I care about are my family's.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#148Life: forgiving my wife after she had an affair. It was hard, but a single mistake doesn't negate the fact that she is a great mom, we are good together and our son deserves a shot at having his dad in the house. Programming: learning by doing instead of by reading. I started learning Rails when I wanted to build PicDigest and the mistakes I've made have helped me learn faster on a broader foundation.
This would've been a great comment if it hadn't have your real name attached to it.
Why? What if someone is going through it and wants to talk about it with someone else who's experienced it? I'd LOVE to help them. My wife would LOVE to help them. We can't do that very well if we keep it a secret or speak about it anonymously.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#149Life: leaving the academic world and doing things that actually affect / matter to people. Programming: writing an Atari ST emulator (it landed me a job offer by a prestigious game company)
I feel you on the 'life' part. Only people that have been deeply commited to academia, and realizing its role in this era, can understand the emotional impact on this choice.
Quick question for you and the GP, if you would be so kind:
I'm currently working on a project which is set to become my master's thesis (I'm writing my final undergrad exams this month). I started it a few weeks ago; before that I never thought I would go to grad school and I had a severe distaste for academia.
Now I'm feeling academia suck me in. It's hard to describe, but I'm "good" at the aspects of academia that I hate--the bizarre politics of it, for one. I also really enjoy having the freedom to work on hard problems without any immediate paths to monetisation.
Do I get out now? Is it okay to do this for a while? I am obviously not asking strangers on a message board to make my life decisions for me, but I'm very curious to hear your thoughts.
Re: Ask HN: what was the best life/programming choice you ever made?
#150Earlier quoted context omitted.
This would've been a great comment if it hadn't have your real name attached to it.
Why? What if someone is going through it and wants to talk about it with someone else who's experienced it? I'd LOVE to help them. My wife would LOVE to help them. We can't do that very well if we keep it a secret or speak about it anonymously.
Because I would feel odd knowing what you just disclosed if I were to ever cross paths with your wife. Your wife might be OK with it, but that's not an issue. How other people feel about it is.
To put it bluntly - nudism belongs to a nudist beach.