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Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

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Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#471

Post by digitaltrees »

swiftcoder wrote: post #391
Fantosism wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean this with the purest intentions. I've read Never Split the Difference, Never Eat Alone, Getting More, How to Win Friends and Influence People, etc. How do you get it to feel like it's not manipulation? I get all of these books advertise not to lie, but at the end of the day, I'm reshaping my speech to achieve a certain goal, rather than to convey facts. The best line I've come up with is something like: am I s…

> but at the end of the day, I'm reshaping my speech to achieve a certain goal, rather than to convey facts. The idea that the only goal of communication is to convey facts is (charitably) a pretty autistic view of interpersonal relationships. There are many situations where conveying facts is not the primary goal, and there's a world of difference just in how facts are conveyed. Facts probably aren't going to stop y…

Humans convey emotion and thoughts in conversation. We have mirror neurons that literally model an approximation of the internal mental state of the person you are talking to.

Facts won't stop a toddler crying for ice cream. But a clear unmoving boundary conveyed with love stops the intensity of their request and allowing them to have the sadness and anger at being told no and treating them with kindness and love even while they are expressing big feelings of disappointment creates a trusting, safe relationship.

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#472

Post by digitaltrees »

n4r9 wrote: post #369
jasonfarnon wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"because of what I learned." Do these books/seminars actually teach you something new about being married or a father, that you didn't know before? Like what? I always figured they were more about coaching, persuasion, convincing. To the extent I've scanned them, I never saw any kind of new fact, definitely not about something like being married.

It's "learning how to..." rather than "learning that...". Good self-help books can provide a framework to understand how your own childhood development influences your current behaviours, and how you can work to change. I'm currently reading "Parenting from the Inside Out" which goes into both the psychology and neurology of the developing brain, and explains how insecure childhood attachment can propagate across gen…

That's awesome personal insight. My next door neighbors are childhood psychologists and when my daughter was 18 months old I mentioned I was trying to be very intentional about creating secure attachment and the things I was doing to facilitate it. They said in a very supportive and amused tone "oh it's too late, the attachment window has closed by now" then after a long pause said "she is fine and clearly has secure attachment to you and her mom"

By I myself have done a lot of work to understand ways to shift attachment styles similar to yours.

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#473

Post by digitaltrees »

lstodd wrote: post #382
ChrisRR wrote: post #376

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are no doubt a lot of good self-help books out there. But there's very likely way more crap ones out there from armchair psychologists

Yup, so one just reads up on psychology, psychiatry and neurophysiology branching into sociology and anthropology, approximately to a graduate level. After which all this self-help looks quite naive. This sure takes 10-15 years, but the result is that you begin to understand wtf is going on around.

Academic literature isn't written to be applied. Some of the books I like the most distill the Academic findings into actionable frameworks. I do agree it's a good idea to also look at the research. But also recognize that the research changes as new studies deepen our understanding or invalidate prior findings.

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#474

Post by digitaltrees »

paulryanrogers wrote: post #418
digitaltrees wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard disagree. I have read lots of books, participated in events and training seminars and had profound results in my life. My marriage is better because of what I learned, I am a better father and leader because of what I learned. And the fact that people sell things as part of that growth journey is how they support their ability to share the lessons and techniques.

Self-help parenting books and blogs caused my spouse years of anguish and disappointment because most declare they've found the one true way. It just so happens to be the least productive and incompatible with many readers' children, bodies, minds, etc. Many of the authors are selling their narrow experience as if it's divine revelation, often literally because they're religious. The grift usually continues with spon…

That's an unfortunate experience, sorry to hear that. I think skepticism is healthy. Experimentation is a more effective position that faith in experts.

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#475

Post by karakoram »

throwawaypub wrote: post #122

I work for a large online news publisher, one of the oldest in the US. Our traffic is down 50% in year. We likely won’t survive for much longer.

How is the email newsletter business/department doing? Are people opening/engaging with your emails or that's declining too?

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#476

Post by randycupertino »

ragequittah wrote: post #242
parineum wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Humans are diverse and should have differences in how they treat others and react. Even though I agree with you, that's not a fact and, if a bunch of people are happy all being exactly the same, that's great for them. You can have any amount of ideas about how things should be but if someone is happy the way they are, that's what's important, that's the end goal.

I just wonder if some people don't often get to their end years and regret putting on an inauthentic mask their entire life because a book told them to. Having dialogues with people like it's a transaction to win instead of a conversation.

> putting on an inauthentic mask their entire life because a book told them to.

I think the key difference- at least for the book I mentioned - is that it actually teaches to you take a genuine interest in those around you. It's not a mask or a ploy, it is making you engage positively in a way that yields genuine connections.

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#478

Post by joshmoody24 »

delbronski wrote: post #269
randycupertino wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How to Win Friends and Influence People helped my career a ton. I stopped having to job search and started getting pulled up as people I knew from work advanced they would bring me with them. I haven't had to job hunt in 9 years and it's solely because that book made me more likable and personable. It made me enjoy life more too, because I have a diaspora of cool and interesting connections who would go to bat for me…

I too read the book in my younger years, and it helped me a lot with making friends and my career. However, the book itself is filled with some terrible advice for communicating with people. I realized that as an older person. But as a young person it filled me much needed confidence. Like many of these books, the actual advice is crap, but I think it gives people the confidence they need to change something in their…

As someone who has listened to this If Books Could Kill episode and read the actual book, I think the podcast is mostly looking for problems where there aren't any. Despite the book's sleazy title ("influence people") it's mostly just basic, innocent social advice.

Re: Has AI already killed self-help nonfiction books?

#479

Post by digitaltrees »

keybored wrote: post #463
mettamage wrote: post #416

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why reach for a gun? You want to kill people that proclaim to be better leaders because of a self-help book? I know people drew guns for less but this is the first time I am reading something like this on HN. I’d suggest you’d read a few books so that you don’t have to reach for your gun but can use your words instead. Though the moment you’d claim any of those books helped you will be a bit of an ironic moment but s…

Thanks for the laugh wizard of Metta.

You shouldn't laugh off the recommendation. That is a good book. I haven't read it personally but it affected my life deeply.

My wife and I both grew up in physically violent homes. My mom read that book and taught me and my siblings the lessons along with others. And my children have only ever experienced shouting or physical violence when they went to their grandparents house.

I understand you were using that phrase as hyperbole and did really mean it but there is a lot of evidence that the language we use shapes our prefrontal cortex and limbic system responses in every moment. By using that phrase you're subtlety sending your body and brain and anyone that read that into an anxious fight or flight response. That shuts down the ability to listen, persuade or connect. It triggers defensiveness, avoidance etc.

So even though you have a valid point lot of bad leaders exist, and often claim loudly to be good leaders with no self awareness of their actual weaknesses. Its hard to listen when a rhetorical gun has been drawn.

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