1. Write lots of blog posts on various topics. Write multi kilo-word reviews of honest to goodness books with reference to the ideas therein. Really pour yourself into the work -- take as your inspiration Michel de Montaigne's Essais. Submit some of these. Watch them get, at most, a single upvote.
2. Write one (1) angry rant about a company well-known to HNers, with no goals other than to vent a bit. Add "sucks" to the title somewhere. Watch as someone else submits it and your primal screeching zooms to the top of the front page and stays pegged to it for days.
Optional step 3: cultivate cynicism about HN and your reasons for sticking around.