Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Talking to strangers at the gym

thienantran.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

541–550 of 810 posts

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#541

Post by ihuman »

chasd00 wrote: post #272
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

If Books Could Kill did an episode on How to Win Friends and Influence People, it's an interesting listen. iirc the book was written by someone documenting what they learned while breaking into high society or some other class they were not a part of. So it's not so much about manipulating people but more about stroking egos and being as agreeable as possible to avoid any conflict. The podcasters make the point that…

Non-apple podcast link (including transcript): https://www.buzzsprout.com/2040953/episodes/17943742

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#542

Post by fasterik »

globular-toast wrote: post #362
sparklingmango wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing." As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle? Going to the gym and talking to strangers at the gym isn't an "artificial replacement", it's a genuine activity lots of people do. > "You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfillin…

> As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle? Gardening, building things, maintenance, walking to the market etc. I used to go to the gym but now I have a house and stuff to do it feels insane that I used my muscles to do useless work for so long.

Isn't that a subjective value judgment? That's great that you enjoy gardening and building things with your hands. I don't really enjoy those activities and would rather sit down and read a book or play the piano in my free time. But I want to stay healthy so I exercise my muscles and cardiovascular system in "artificial" ways. What's wrong with that?

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#543

Post by flawn »

rafabulsing wrote: post #432
alecco wrote: post #402

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. IMHO that is as fake as a car salesman. Mature, cultured people will say thank you and think " what a nuisance ". I prefer being open about my motives. Smart people appreciate truth over compliments. And if the dumb/immature get offended, good riddance. I used to be a big fan of HtWFaIP, but eventually…

That's an interesting take. Care to say more about HtWFaIP being unhealthy?

I would assume, because the title and parts of the book suggest reducing human connections to utility and personal gain.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#544

Post by 3sdff »

Aurornis wrote: post #214
Hobadee wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You need to find a better gym then... "Hey man, can you spot me?" Is a pretty universal request, and frequently honored. Once you are done with your set, offer to spot them, and while you are both resting after your respective sets, start up some small talk. If small talk works, continue to bigger conversations.

I’m typing this comment from the gym, actually! Spotting someone is common and I’m happy to do it. That’s not what I was talking about. The part that fails is when someone asks for a favor but then it becomes apparent that they didn’t actually need the favor, they were just trying to find a way to talk to you. Like when someone requests a spot and then you come over and realize the weight they’re lifting is so light…

"If you don’t need help but you’re coming up with reasons to trick someone into giving you help so you can talk to them, that’s a situation with an ulterior motive. People are good at identifying ulterior motives and it doesn’t set you up for conversational success."

Lmao unless you're a female... I've never seen this happen in a gym. And im a religious gym-goer of the past 10 years.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#545

Post by morganw »

nozzlegear wrote: post #112
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

> FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing.

but long after The Prince was a thing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#546

Post by Aurornis »

3sdff wrote: post #544
Aurornis wrote: post #214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m typing this comment from the gym, actually! Spotting someone is common and I’m happy to do it. That’s not what I was talking about. The part that fails is when someone asks for a favor but then it becomes apparent that they didn’t actually need the favor, they were just trying to find a way to talk to you. Like when someone requests a spot and then you come over and realize the weight they’re lifting is so light…

"If you don’t need help but you’re coming up with reasons to trick someone into giving you help so you can talk to them, that’s a situation with an ulterior motive. People are good at identifying ulterior motives and it doesn’t set you up for conversational success." Lmao unless you're a female... I've never seen this happen in a gym. And im a religious gym-goer of the past 10 years.

That's literally the point of the comment: It's an unnatural thing to do so we shouldn't be suggesting it as a conversation starter.

I wasn't saying it was normal. I'm trying to explain why it's not normal to do that as a way of discouraging readers from thinking it's a trick they should use to start conversations.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#547

Post by mindstorms6 »

talkingtab wrote: post #506

I have found three strange and unexpected avenues for interacting with people. 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest. I was trying to buy an old metal key as a gift for a friend. I wanted to find someone who sold sheep's milk (for making cheese). If you are on a quest it gives a context for an interaction. You both have something to talk about and it you both have an out: the answer. People almost always help you with a ques…

> 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest.

This is unbelievably true.

I did a scavenger hunt (challenge hunt?) in Seattle (hosted by a friend of a friend). Many of the challenges involved interacting with other humans (dance with a stranger, buy someone you don't know a shot, give someone you don't know a rose, etc)

It was so fun. I've never met so many people before. But it struck me how excited everyone was to help out on my quest. Eager, even. I was so nervous to talk to people, but suddenly, having a sheet of paper gave me super powers.

Highly recommend having a quest. People love a quest.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#548

Post by arnarbi »

Best "friendmaker" hobby I know is sailing.

It's in general a very newcomer friendly hobby, which is both important as a newcomer yourself as well as for meeting new people once you are into it. It's naturally collaborative so you have to communicate, not very intense so there's a good amount of chill time, and in the cases where small-talk doesn't turn up interesting topics you can always talk about sailing itself.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#550

Post by IcyWindows »

djeastm wrote: post #496
shwaj wrote: post #347

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s manipulative if you don’t care and pretend you do, especially to achieve a goal of your own. It’s not manipulative if you cultivate the tendency to actually care about others, and not treat them like NPCs who are only important for your goals.

>if you cultivate the tendency to actually care about others I suppose this is the question: can caring about others be "cultivated" or is it something we do without being able to affect how much we do it?

I think it can be cultivated.

Most people like watching movies or reading books. Other people are the main character of their own life, and I think you can learn to enjoy learning about them.

Post reply on HN