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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#371

Post by throwaway2037 »

jackp96 wrote: post #369
hlynurd wrote: post #290

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "if you want other people to care about you and your desires, you need to care about them and theirs and SHOW them that this is the case: here's how." Isn't this highly manipulative?

I take your point, but aren't most social interactions technically manipulative through this lens? If you wear nice clothes and exercise, then are you just trying to manipulate people into thinking you have taste and are attractive? If you work hard at your job and are responsive to your boss's requests, then are you just manipulating them into thinking you're a good worker and giving you a raise? These tools can cer…

[flagged]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#372

Post by chistev »

nozzlegear wrote: post #112
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

I've not read the book, but how can a book about talking to people (if that's what it is) be a "little outdated"?

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#373

Post by alistairSH »

globular-toast wrote: post #362
sparklingmango wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing." As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle? Going to the gym and talking to strangers at the gym isn't an "artificial replacement", it's a genuine activity lots of people do. > "You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfillin…

> As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle? Gardening, building things, maintenance, walking to the market etc. I used to go to the gym but now I have a house and stuff to do it feels insane that I used my muscles to do useless work for so long.

I really don't know what to say, that was such an odd/funny take...

I have a house and stuff, and still go to the gym at 5:30 every morning, as a supplement to my running and cycling.

I guess my cycling is an artificial substitute for riding a horse? ;)

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#374

Post by TheMagicHorsey »

Was interesting to read this post because I've always been an extrovert and have never had trouble making friends. I usually make friends quickly ... and my problem is in the other direction ... I have too many friends and people get mad at me because I don't have the time to keep up with every relationship I've built in 40+ years.

I've been a best man 6 times. A groomsman 20+ times. I'm spread really thin now that I also have kids and a wife and family commitments.

Sometimes I actually crave solitude more than anything else.

Reading this post is almost like reading about another tribe from a distant place, and what it feels like to live their lives.

Is it weird that I'm kind of envious of this guy and his life? Not enough to trade places ... because I'd miss my wife and kids and close friends ... but if I could just like be him for a few weeks and then come back to my life.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#376

Post by nathanielks »

subscribed wrote: post #327
stronglikedan wrote: post #203

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who wants to have meaningful interactions even if they are brief, it's super annoying when I just want to offer a compliment or joke to a stranger and they think I'm trying to talk to them. Are they so selfish that a little chuckle or "thank you" is going to break them?

Or maybe they have one of the millions of reason to not want to talk with the strangers. World is not your amusement park, people are entitle to NOT wanting to talk to you as much as you feel entitled to talk with everyone.

> World is not your amusement park

That's literally what the world is. It's the amusement park for all of us. Some of us like sharing our joy with others. It's up to you whether you are open to receiving it.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#377

Post by alistairSH »

grunder_advice wrote: post #108

I feel, like a lot of 21st century life is trying to do things artificially. Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing. You go to the gym because your daily routine isn't active enough. You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfilling interactions with other people. Also it's kind of od…

Also it's kind of odd how nowadays everyone goes to the gym. Growing up as a late-stage millenial, gym goers were a niche subculture. Now it marketed to everyone everywhere as this integral part of modern daily life.

Aerobics classes have been a thing for decades. Pumping Iron came out in 1977. When I was in college (UVA, 95-99), there were several good gyms, plus they built a fancy new one about mid-way through my degree.

I suspect you just happened to be in a time/place where gym use was lower than average.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#378

Post by gjulianm »

dlivingston wrote: post #114
brushfoot wrote: post #47

Wonderful! There's a lot of advice online about how essentially evil it is to talk to strangers: They're busy, they have headphones in, they might think you're hitting on them (God forbid; nothing could be more evil than attraction). Ignore it. It often as not boils down to fear and neuroticism from terminally online introverts (and sometimes plain old misanthropists) raised in a hyper-individualist culture and glued…

I find it so bitterly ironic that the people whose opinions we read the most of - the terminally online Redditors and tweeters - are exactly the kind of people we should not be listening to. Like you alluded to, the terminally online people who post the most tend to be those with neuroticism, isolation, severe anxiety, etc. There's a famous Reddit post about this I can't seem to find - "Everyone Online Is Insane" or…

I think this mindset is maybe too close to being just "people that don't think like I do are just crazy" and dismissive of people's actual concerns.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#379

Post by csheaff »

yodsanklai wrote: post #243

> “do your hobby with other people, frequently”. I think it's decent advice, but from my experience, it can take years to make friends that way. I practiced various sports my whole life in the context of sport clubs (martial arts, climbing, snowboarding, swimming...). The way it worked for me is that after months, sometimes years of chitchatting with same people over and over, I barely made any good friends from that…

Often i sit around a coffee shop where i work frequently as a remote employee, and I think to myself, "there could be another person here that i have the capacity to be really good friends with but i will probably never know it." And I think about how that's probably true of other people in that coffee shop.

The engineer in me wants to believe some technological solution to finding and connecting with potentially great friends is out there, waiting to be uncovered. But of course, an engineer would say that.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#380

Post by gjulianm »

philangist wrote: post #212
tomjen3 wrote: post #196

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I will happily stop and chat with you if you demonstrate that it is worth the time and interruption (if I was lost in thought, that will take at least 5-10 minutes to get back to). If not, I will not let you know. I will just fume, blame and judge you for some time after.

"Hey sorry, I've got some things on my mind right now and can't really talk. Have a nice day though". That takes less than 10 seconds to say, let's you protect your time and peace of mind, and as a bonus there's no need for fuming, blaming, and judging that the other person won't ever even know about.

The people likely to talk to strangers unprompted are also likely to ignore those kind of messages. Anything that can lead to further conversation can be used (like "oh, what's worrying you?") so actually politely nodding and smiling without giving any footing to further conversation works better than being assertive.
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